We are in the process of looking into churches in our area, and wondering what was the deciding factor was that made you choose the church you are in, or why you choose to leave the church you were in. :angel:
My (then) fiance had just moved to a new city for a new job. We visited 2 close to his apartment. We wore jeans to both the first time just to experiment. The church that was closest that we probably would have chosen based on proximity just seemed really uppity to us. The couple sitting behind us were wearing jogging suits. And still seemed to turn their nose up at us when we tried to shake hands. The second church LOOKED like it would have people like that. It was in the richer development, it was a gorgeous newer church building that sat 1500 but it's rounded so, it feels like more of a community seating. And we felt so welcomed! And we were getting married in 7 months, so had to start counseling within the next month, so THAT'S the one we picked!!! And here we are 7 years later having learned that this church community not only seemed welcoming, but makes every effort to BE welcoming to each and every person that walks in the door. We love it! (Oh! And now....in a different season of life, its big enough, and there are enough children, that you don't have to feel uncomfortable when YOUR kid it the one crying! - That would be a must now. LoL)
I moved to this area about 12 years ago. First, above all else, I knew the church I chose to work with had to be one that was following the Bible and ONLY the Bible. (Because it doesn't matter what I think... I'm not worshipping myself... I'm worshipping God in His own way.) No man-made organizations, no creeds, no thrown out verses, or re-worked verses allowed. I was already a member of the Lord's church (universally speaking), but I needed to find a local congregation to work with. After finding a couple in my area that met my criteria, I chose the one that I thought was the most welcoming, had the widest age range represented, had strong leadership, could best help me to grow as a Christian, and had plenty of kids for my (future) children to look up to. At the time, the one I chose was much farther away than where I was living, but that didn't matter to me. I've made 3 hour round trips weekly in the past to attend a church I thought was right, so a few extra minutes didn't matter to me.
I was in the shower and I kept hearing a voice saying Holy Trinity. The next day I was walking and passed a church called Holy Trinity so I checked out it's hours and turned up the next sunday. (I was the only one under 30. There were two families in their 30's and 40's. The rest of the church were past retirement age. They thought the Holy Spirit had sent me as a tool for a revival. They were very, very disappointed.) Later when I moved towns I just walked into the local anglican church because my last church had been anglican.
My suggestion in finding a church is to make a list of what you believe and then take that list with you when you have a meeting with the pastor. Find out what their beliefs are regarding Jesus, baptism, prayer, tithing. Ask questions on points that are not negotiable in your spiritual walk. Too often people try a new church and are in awe because the people are "nice". This in itself is a good and necessary thing, but it will only take you so far. You also need to have a church that has a foundation you believe and practice. Many times people say how much they love their new church but then are seriously disappointed when they find out the church prays in tongues on occasion, do not practice complete submersion (sp?) for baptism, allow recently divorced people to lead ministry, or believe that everybody should wear green socks and purple hats. No church is perfect, but by talking with the pastor, you will be able to have a better upfront understanding of what the church believes. You will also have the opportunity to meet with the pastor. If the pastor of a church does not want to set a time to meet with you, I would walk the other way. My pastor really respects people who take the time to set up a meeting with him to discuss what our church believes. He said it shows their walk with God is important to them.
I think it comes down to what you think the church's function is. Once you have that in your mind, then you can figure out what to look for. My husband and I are in the process of joining a new church--- still technically visitors but have been going for months. We believe the church is there for the believer and so the core focus should be on discipling the believer. As a result, we steered clear of churches whose messages and lessons were watered down or whose behaviors were designed for the non-believer. My husband always sits down to meet with the pastor before we look seriously at any church. He gets a much better feel for what's going on that way and where the church would like to go. We both look at how the church is at fellowship [i.e. encouraging one another]. To give you an idea of why, we were at our previous church for 8 years. In that time, we both actively served above and beyond in leadership roles; my husband would even go straight to the church after working all day to help the secretary or one of the ministers with a problem with their computer. This last summer, my husband ended up going to the emergency room and then in for surgery [this turned out to be the first of 2 such instances this summer]. Not one--- not a single one--- of the ministers called or came by. Not one of the deacons [my husband was one] came by. We had one visitor from our church, and that was a couple from our Sunday School who had been touched when we went to see the wife in the hospital when she'd had heart surgery. Frankly, I felt very let down by people we'd helped. We never did any of it with expectation of a return, but it still stung that not one minister or deacon could even be bothered to check to see if we needed anything or to even offer a prayer. In contrast, at this new church, a woman recently had surgery to remove a cyst in her abdomen. She had 15 people from this church show up during the surgery to pray with her family and support her. This church is extremely small, by the way. We have around 60 in attendance. That spoke volumes to me. But, of course, that was also rooted in things that I value in a church: discipleship and support. Our previous church lacked both, and the new one seems to encourage both. So, I'd ask myself - What do I think the church is for? And then let that answer guide you. And I second Patty on meeting first with the pastor of any church you take a serious interest in.
My husband's cousin had been attending for a year or two and kept inviting us. We finally went and were convinced it was not for us. I grew up Quaker, my husband Baptist, and this church is a bit charismatic and very different from what we were used to. However, our feelings aside we chose to pray and follow God's leading. He placed us there and wow are we thankful that we listened to Him. We love our church!
We are looking for a new church home in a new city. First, the church has to be biblically based and must desire for members to grow spiritually (so many don't!!). We typically like smaller churches, but, we don't limit ourselves to small churches when searching. One trend that our family has a difficult time with is Life Groups that meet several nights a week. It would be very difficult for us to be involved with in a church were each age group (youth up) met a different night of the week. Family worship is also very important to us. We have never ruled out a church that offered a children's service, but would if we were made to feel that was the only place for children. It certainly helps if a church is friendly. Having moved cities/states many times, I will say that friendly churches are not the norm. We have visited 5 churches here so far, and only one has been a "friendly" church. Though activities for my kids are a nice bonus, I focus more on them having a strong bibilcal foundation. Being entertained weekly isn't important, being taught the Bible is
When We have ever been looking for a church home, we look for a place where the Lord is moving, people are friendly and have our same conventions as a family. I remember someone inviting our family to visit a church in the area we were at the time, but my husband and I kept resisting.... we have been visiting many churches just none felt like home, so we finally said that we would go... should have gone earlier... THAT WAS WERE THE LORD WANTED US! We felt at home, people were friendly and my girls made friends that very first visit!
Shelby I wish someone would tell us a great church in our area!! We have around 50 churches in our town and neighboring towns. It seems so overwhelming to visit and investigate each one!! My husband and I will have to pray very hard on this and hope for a direction to go. :angel:
You could call different churches before you visit and ask them questions about their beliefs. That way you know which ones you may want to cross off the list! Prayer is the best way to go about finding the church for your family..
Many churches have websites with their doctrinal statement posted--that should help you weed out some of the churches that you don't agree with. I'll pray for you. It's tough to be without a church home!
The main thing that I look for is if I am welcomed in when I visit and if the teaching is biblical... We just left a church that was full of man made laws and was preaching based on opinions.. opinionated to the point that they were preaching that you should stay away from any establishment that sold alcohol.. And that when we visited another church when we were out of town MY KIDS were repromanded by the youth pastor.. We were shamed when we wanted to take our kids band out to other venues besides just the church youth group.. Accused of trying to steel the pastors sheep.. Now we are in another church that, like any other church, has issues but the issues they have are not nearly as bad as what we came from.. No church is EVER going to be perfect.. Even Satan goes to church.... He prowls around the congregation and prys in and tries to take down ministries..
We picked our church in RI out of the phone book. We liked it well enough at first but we really overstayed our welcome so to speak. We were quite fed up with the church about several things before we moved across country to MI. Here in MI my sister made a recommendation for a church and we finally got a change to get there after being in town a couple of weeks and we've been attending there ever since. Things that we love about our church (we would not attend a church that did not value these things): Our children are welcome members of the congregation and not an inconvenience or nuisance needing to be rushed to a downstairs children's program. Our church in RI actually sent out a "loving letter" that children did not belong in the sanctuary during service as it could be disruptive and that there was a full range of children's services downstairs. Our current church has the children do the songs with us and dismisses them to children's church afterward. If we choose to keep a child in the service though for whatever reason nobody bats an eye. I LOVE this. It feels like a good balance for us. Everyone is real and genuine. People at our current church are just real and genuine and they were friendly from the start. Our pastor preaches directly from the bible. He preaches through one book of the bible at a time verse by verse. I love this approach. Definitely pray. My sister's family attended the church we now attend for a few months when we were living in RI and they loved the people and preaching but wanted more upbeat music so they went to a different church. We however had fancy worship at our last church and we prefer the more homestyle worship because of how much a part of the church our children are.
