Homosexuality? Recently my DD heard something on TV, I can't remember where, and now she has questions. I think it was the word gay that she heard and she asked me what that was? I could have told her it meant happy, but I knew that was not what they meant. I told her that I wasn't ready to explain it to her just yet and if she would wait a little bit I would think it through and decide the best way to discuss it with her. She is 12, so I don't think she is too young. I have personal feelings about the issue, but I don't want to make it seem as though that is the only way she should feel. I think she is old enough to decide on her own how she feels about it, but if she asks me directly, I will share my opinions. I certainly do not want to give her more information than she is ready for. We have really just scratched the surface of heterosexual relationships, I'm not certain she is ready for too much detail. So, any thoughts or opinions? Have your children asked about this, if so, how did you handle it?
My best friend in the whole world is a lesbian. We have been best friends, always there for each other, constants since we were 8 years old. She married and had two kids when we were young. Years later and I learn she is gay. What am I supposed to do? Shun her? no way. I love her like a sister. I don't love or agree with homosexuality but I love her. She is a wonderful mother and an excellent nurse not to metion the best friend I could ever ask for. I guess I don't know what to say to your kids. My friend has always been a part of my life and my kids love her like an aunt. I dont even remember just what i said to my girls about it because it was so early on in their lives that we discussed it. Sorry I can't help I guess I just gave my experience and I am not much help.
i really think only you can decide. Now for me, i agree with the pp, we should love the homosex. community as we love anyone else, they are still people, still have the same feelings as you or i. But, i do feel it is wrong, bc i believe what the bible says, and so i would have no prob showing my dc where in the bible it talks about this lifestyle and what God thinks of it. I would hope that they would see it is a sin, bc the bible says it is, not bc of my views. But something else i would show them in the bible, is where it talks about loving the sinner, hating the sin, removing the plank in our own eyes bf we try to take out the spliinter in someone elses eye, etc. I dont want them to hate that sinner, i want them to love them, as much i believe Christ loves them. I want them to have grace and humility and forgiveness, and not be judgemental. But i want them to know, it is wrong, it is a sin, and I do not condone it. That being said, your dc is only 12, so im not sure how far i would even go with it. I might even leave it at a lifestyle that some people live, such as living together bf you are married, or having lots of boyfriends and not staying pure, etc. I might not even go into the details at 12, unless i believe they are totally ready, maturity wise. Now, that being said, my oldest is only 8, so i have never raised a 12 year old, and she might be ready. Good Luck what ever you decide.
You say, "Gay means that men fall in love with men and women fall in love with women". Just be honest and if she asks more questions, answer them without showing you're uncomfortable. It doesn't need to focus on anything sexual. It is what it is and it's not going away. I suggest being very matter-of-fact about it and don't make it a huge issue.
We have discussed homosexuality a few times. A couple of my cousins are gay and I have ran into an old friend of the families who had a sex change. She is no longer a part of our lives because ever since she shared she was gay, she also started living a fast and dangerous life that my family refuses to live. So we all drifted apart. Also, I can't relate to her. She is now a man, legally and physically. This is not the person my family became friends with in appearance or personality. This was tough to explain. I told Ems that we will love her and pray for her, as well as my cousins who still take part in our lives from time to time. I also show Ems in the Bible where God calls us to love everybody but not the sin and that loving and condoning are not the same thing.
I also have a friend who is gay and now married to another woman. I did what NYCitymom di, stated it matter-of-factly, and show them in the Bible where it says it's wrong, and also that God loves all of us, and we should love them too! Loving them in spite of what they do that we don't agree with does NOT condone that type of lifestyle, but it does let them know they are loved! IF you don't believe in God/the Bible, it's still a good/decent act to show someone you care about them, whether or not you agree with them!
When my girls asked me what gay meant I said it was when men liked men or women liked women the way I love daddy. They said, "Oh okay, but that is gross!" They know two gay people and treat them just like anyone else so I guess I did okay. I didn't have to tell them how to behave around the gay people we know, because they already know to treat people with respect. I just didn't make it a big deal and they did fine with it.
One of my dearest friends came out a couple of years ago. My children had grown up around he and his wife (now divorced). We explained it as "when men like men and women like women". We did not go into the s*xual details. I also explained that it is not the way God designed marriage. But, we still talk to this friend. My kids have been around him some. (Our families had been best friends for years, so it was a huge shock to all of us.) I let him know that I love him dearly, regardless of his choices. He is also aware that I don't condone his actions.
I agree. And regardless of what your view of homosexuality is I wouldn't hesitate to let them know about family and friends who are gay so they can understand that these aren't strange or frightening people but people who we love.
Kim, I would be truthful to the kids, just tell them th it's a man liking a man or women liking women. It doesn't matter what we don't like about it, they are human and have feelings and need to be treated the same as anyone else. Just because they do something we don't like doesn't mean we treat them differently or funny. If we did that we would be treating half the world that way. Because there are people out there who do tons and tons of things we don't like. Just tell them to be nice and go on there way. But, I know you Kim whatever you tell your children and how you tell them will be the right thing.
I really appreciate everyone's good advice. I really feel like if I keep it simple, she won't see it as a huge deal. I think I will approach it the perspective of how people love other types of people and not from a sexual nature at all. It is not my intention to judge anyone or portray it in a negative light. I believe by the time she is old enough to really understand she will make her own impressions and opinions based upon what she has been taught by us. I truly thank you all for discussing this matter with me in such an open way.
I just have to commend all you ladies for handling this thread so well! It can be a very touchy subject, with many hurt feelings. Ladies, you are amazing as always! I have nothing new to add to the advice. Though we will be broaching the subject in the near future, so this has helped in my planning as well.
Homosexuality has never been an issue. I have some gay relatives. It just has never been a harsh taboo subject in our home. I will add that I do not approve of public displays of affection or inappropriate behaviors in public or in front of children, regardless of sexual orientation. I also would never allow 2 unmarried people to share a bedroom in my home. They can stay in a hotel if they have to sleep together so much. So, my rules and standards remain the same regardless of sexual orientation. I have never faced these issues though. My family is pretty conservative and no one pets each other in public or otherwise.
This reminded me of a funny story. My father in law remarried about a year ago, when my youngest was almost 6. This is his 4th or 5th marriage; I have lost count. They lived together for several years before deciding to get married. When we went to FL for the wedding, they were showing the kids around their home a day or two before the wedding. When they got to the master bedroom, my little one said, "Who's bed is this?" and FIL said, "It's mine." Then my son asked his fiancee where she slept. She said, "This is my bed, too." His little jaw dropped, and he exclaimed quite loudly, "You mean you sleep together in the same bed and you're not even MARRIED???" :lol: I guess what was so funny was that we never really talked about that before, as he was only 5...but he'd already formed his own opinion of the matter!
Now I did not read all the responses..... I told my kids what homosexuality is when they were 10 and 8. I explained it to them because some of the van kids at church kept using the word "fag" and saying "that's gay". My kids asked me what it meant and I had been feeling convicted around the same time to explain it anyway. I told them that homosexuality was when a man falls in love with another man...or wants to "marry" another man as when a woman is attracted to a woman and wants to "marry" a woman. I did explain in very little detail that the affection is that of a married couple and not that of friends...like a man hugging a man or what have you out of friendship. My son burst into laughter and thought I was joking. LOL. My dd looked at me like I just played hte biggest practical joke on her. lol. Being a Christian family and holding the Word (and words) of God as true and supreme, I also explained to them what the bible says about homosexuality. My children are not allowed to make fun of gay people or use terms like "fag" or "that's gay" to express themselves. They are not to disrespect a gay person or think of the person as less than human. However, this is NOT because I find homosexuality ok...it is ONLY because I don't want my children to cut themselves off from a possible witnessing opportunity. I also think it's a bad testimony to speak disrespectfully about anyone. My kids are fully aware of what the bible says about homosexuality and being given over to a reporbate mind. In light of that, they are to have compassion and sadness for those in that lifestyle. I currently found an old friend on Facebook who is gay. My friendship to him extends only to witness to him. My children see that and use that as an example of how I hate the sin but love my friend. My friendship with him is ONLY fueled by my desire to see him saved. So, I am not sure how someone who is ok with homosexuality deals with this. I suppose it is up to the indiviual to attach the meaning according to their own set of values. As far as the act of homosexuality, I think children should be made aware early as to avoid confusion in a world where homosexuality is becoming so accepted and popular.
I don't have much advice. A little over a year ago my son who was then 7 told me about a college girl he met who said she had a girlfriend (I think he might have met the girlfriend too). My son was acting in a college musical, so I expected that he was going to get exposed to some things. I just responded with something like, "Oh". That was the end of that.
We did something similar. I wish it was as easy to talk about s*x with them - LOL. We have friends who my kids have grown up knowing who are gay - and honestly these 2 guys have a better relationship than some married couples I know I don't allow him to say "that's gay" and I don't think he's heard the term "fag" but maybe he has.... My dd is still in her own little world - so I don't think she gets it all just yet. Again as others I point out about marriage in the Bible and how clear I feel it is written etc.
