I was told by my 6th grader that I am a terrible teacher, because I never teach him anything. I hs a 1st grader and I sit next to him for most lessons to help with directions and stuff. I read SOTW to both boys out loud. I read and go over the science lessons. I teach him Saxon, but that only takes 15 min. tops then he has to do the problems on his own. I just don't get it? :cry: I don't have time to sit next to him and help him with EVERY math question. He is 12. He should be able to read on his own and come to me with questions. I am ready to throw him back into school. I just can't be told whenever he thinks something is too hard or too much, that I am a terrible teacher. He also thinks that come 2:30 he is done with school, whether he has completed his assignments or not. I told his that kids have hw when they come home, so many kids still have work after school hours, but he says it is my fault he is not done, because Idid not sit next to him and "teach" him. I just don't know what to say any more and I feel like the worst parent ever.
My oldest who went back to school in Feb told my hubby the same thing.. I didn't spend any time teaching him. Well I had hunted to find things that he didn't really need me to teach... TT for math, Writing Strands for Writing. I taught him his grammar lessons (Easy Grammar) and led him in history and science and geography.. but at 11 I figured he was old enough to be more responsible. I have thought of bringing him home, and what went wrong.. and talked to hubby and he said one of Garrett's biggest issues was that I didn't sit next to him the whole time he was working, helping him. It made me cry when hubby told me that Garrett didn't feel like I was teaching him anything and just left him on his own. Wish I had some advice, but I don't
Your not a bad parent or teacher. I think at 6th grade a child should be fairly independent. But I have never been the kind of HS mom that sits with DS all the time. I am normally off doing laundry or something. My DS is in 5th grade. I lay out his work at night and go over it. When he gets up he works on his own. If he needs me he puts it aside and moves on. We do the work he is stuck on together. We do timeline and any art projects together. I guess some kids need more one on one time. I noticed both of you have younger kids you are working with. It could be a jealously issue too. DS is my youngest, I wonder if I had one smaller than him to teach would he say the same things.
I can gaurentee a lot of our issues was a jealousy thing My oldest has been jealous of the others since the day each was born 6 years as an only child is NOT a good thing for a kid
I don't think your expectations are out of whack, but I do think your son is trying to manipulate you a bit. I say you call his bluff. Put your younger child's stuff on hold; let him/her watch educational videos for a few days. Then, sit with your sixth grader from 8:00 to 2:30 and fill that time with one on one instruction. You might have to be creative to fill that time, but I bet after two or three day of that, he'll decide that he likes the independence afforded a sixth grader.
I agree with ochumgache! Put a few days (maybe a week) of really intensive instruction time into your 6 graders work, you can probably negotiate to work with him an hour and by then you should both be ready to give one another space. Also, I dont know much about your routine/program/schedule etc, but you may consider sitting with dad and son and reworking a new schedule for him so that he can have more free time. (This is a personal pet peeve of mine, my parents were pretty inflexible with me as a student and I hated that part of HS). How much work is he doing everyday? Maybe you can cut out %25 percent of it just by reducing the number of problems/questions he has to answer after each assignment. You could have him work for 1.5 hours with the 1st grader. Peer tutoring is really a good thing some times and was used liberally when I was a kid. Then again, he may just be being manipulative. I know I've tried it a few times with my parents, but also, there may be some truth to his complaints
I agree with gizzy and ochumgachee. I get this from time to time with my 12 year old. I think mainly she just wants a little time and attention from me and is jealous of the time I end up spending with my second grader. After trying one week of intensive mom time, I bet he will want some independence. Then you can ask him "sweetie, were you just really a little envious and wanting to spend some time with mom? You know it's ok to tell me that without tying it into your school work. " He needs to be able to examine himself, figure out what is bothering him and address it. I hate it when people go around the world to tell you what they need. Also, one thing that works ok here is if I run over lessons with older dd first so she can ask any ?'s she has and then she goes off to do her work. She gets aggravated if when she does have a question if keep saying, "just a minute, I'm in the middle of this." I will also say when I am working with younger dd "Is this a long question or a short question?" That way if she's asking something like "How many inches in a foot again?" I can quickly address it. But if I have to get into a complicated explanation, I'll wait till a break. I found that giving my younger dd a morning break for about 30 minutes gave me a set time to answer any questions that older dd accumulated. She would work on all she could prior to the break and then save up her ?'s for break time. And are you using a bunch of busy work for your older ds? I quit assigning writing spelling words unless they were needed. If my kids "get" an assignment, I don't force them to do the busy work unless they need it. Or maybe I'll let them do just the evens or the odds to keep it fresh in their minds. (except for Saxon...doing this will sabotage his work in Saxon math... ask me how I know this) Anyway, that is how I would handle it.
Can't speak for a 6th Grader, but I have a 5th Grader. She does the following subjects alone: Grammar (Easy Grammar), Math (Teaching Textbooks), Writing (Writing Strands), Human Body (usually prep for a coop class we take), Bible (depends on the day). The only subjects we do together are History and Read Aloud. And for the REad Aloud she does a daily response sheet where after we read the book, she writes a brief summary of the chapter, looks up any words she didn't know in the dictionary and records the definitions, and does copywork of her favorite sentences. She does all the extra work alone, all we really do is the reading together. I do give her her spelling test each day (she does Sequential Spelling, so it's 1 list a day). Most of her learning is independent. And if she's annoyed that her brother isn't working fast enough, she'll do the History and Read Aloud on her own as well. She likes to start early and be done early so she can spend the rest of her day doing what she wants to do...hates having to wait for us. HTH.
My 6th grader gets annoyed if I do "teach her" in a traditional lecture type mode....she says she hates to be lectured too....she does most of her work independently at this point by her preference....and mine too. On the rare occassion, that I've needed to traditionally "teach" her, she's annoyed the whole time....lol.
I agree he is being manipulative, and he's doing it on purpose. I also think giving him intensive instructions for a few days will do the trick. Also, DON'T allow yourself to be drawn into defending your teaching to him. "You NEVER help me!!!" and your natural response is, "Oh, yes, I do! I love you just as much! Remember when...." and now you're distracted from the topic at hand, which is your son doing his work. A better response is, "Maybe I don't, but you still have to finish your math right now...." or something like that.
I have not read everything, I woudl say it seems to me it depends on the student, dd was independant at that age, but still asked for me to be her teacher at times... kwim? Ds first one was taught for 15 per class did his seat work, ds last one worked on his own but needed me there constantly at times to remind him what he was doing when we leared what. Things start to get a little harder in 6th and they seem to want reasurance that they have been taught stuff.
I'll just pass along some wonderful advice I once got that applies to so many parenting dilemmas, but always comes to mind when someone says "I'm considering putting them back in public school" Oh at the many times I have told myself this in my short 6 years as a parent! LOL Maybe he just needs some one on one time with mom. Make sure he understands that in public school, he won't be getting one on one help from the teacher either. That he is a young man and is expected to be responsible and work independently on some of his work. Maybe a day off just spending fun time alone with you would help. Is he having trouble with any subject? Maybe he is frustrated that he doesn't do science or grammar or whatever well and is taking it out on mom? I also like the idea of him helping with his younger sibling. Might boost his ego and make him feel important a bit. And too, he's just at that age I think. Where he's going to say hurtful things. Where he's going to lash out. Where he's trying to step up and be a man. My guess is you would be facing this issue in some other way if he was in public school... Oh the joys of motherhood! Hang in there.
I might have missed it, but have you taught your child HOW to work independently? Sometimes children do not know how to work independently and they also do not have the words to explain this because if the parent doesn't realize it, then I am positive the child doesn't either. Although your child can read, this doesn't mean he has the study skills necessary to work alone. This isn't an excuse for a bad attitude whether he has the skills to study alone or not. If he DOES know how to study alone, then I agree with the advice given. He is simply trying to get your goat.
