For my older son, social skills don't come naturally. He doesn't pick up on other peoples cues. I'm wondering if anyone has recommendations for a book that would teach him about some of these things. I do try a lot to show him how people are reacting and why. He does not have Asperger's, but I think he spends so much time with his mind racing that he doesn't think about others. Some of what I'm looking for would show facial expressions and talk about why the person feels that way. My son talks too loud, too close to people. He touches everything, and we've been unsuccessful at getting him to recognize boundaries. He does have some sensory issues with sound I think. Despite how consistently loud he is, he's very intolerant of other people being loud. He sort of hum/shreiks when I vacuum. We also need a way to teach phone skills. Sometimes he'll call a friend and when they answer the phone he'll sit there silently until we tell him to respond, for an example. We need help! He's getting to an age where he's starting to lose friends.
sounds totally normal for an 8 year old...but it is time for mom to step in and do some coaching. He needs to be reminded before a social situation...here is how we talk to people. We keep our hands to ourselves. We need arms length when we are interacting with folks. And mom you need to stay close to him to issue reminders. If after a reminder or 2 her "forgets" he may need to sit close to you for a few minutes before being allowed to participate. You may need to step in and make him stop and think if it appears a situation is getting out of hand " Look at that boy you were talking to. Does he look happy to you? I know you were having fun by teasing, but it looks like the fun is over for him. If one person is having fun by making another person unhappy, then the first person is bullying and needs to stop. I think you may need to apologize." The whole point is to make our kids less self focused and more others focused. At certain ages my kids have needed more coaching. This is annoying, because I would like to sit and talk with adults sometimes, but it is an important part of parenting.
I think we need something more for him. I've done all those things. We act things out and talk about this stuff all the time. I just don't think I'm communicating it effectively. I need advice with specific activities to do - maybe even something created for kids with Asperger's. I think (I know) it's beyond normal eight year old stuff. He's certainly not on par with his peers. He has trouble at his scout meetings with things that should be obvious.
Have you tried role reversal role play? Take an instance where his behavior was out of the norm and ask him how he would react if someone had reacted to him in that way. I found this to be effective with my son who is seven and sounds exactly like your son. :/ He is getting better being at home with us. But put him in a larger group and he is overwhelmed. His communication with me is better though so he will tell me things like 'I am not comfortable with this many people.' And my son isn't introverted so I tend to think of it as you say a sensory issue. I tell him it's part of life to deal with others and to do so effectively. It is good to be in situations where he may not be 100% in his comfort zone. Also I find reminding him that I am his teacher and mother and want the best for him that is why he needs to behave this way rather then the other way. That helps him, I think to realize I am not attacking his behavior so much as training him into a better more functional pattern of living. At the very least know you aren't alone in this.
my oldest son does have Aspbergers, and we struggled with this for years. We hooked up with a specialist who's sole job was to coach our son on social behaviors. We also were encouraged to role play with him, which, in my opinion, did no good at all once we were in a real life situation. I never did find a book like you are looking for, but our coach put together a notebook of facial expressions and their meanings. It would take some work, but that is something you could do for him. Some kids just need a roadmap of sorts for this. To put your mind at ease, my son is 21 now, and has a few really good friends who "get" him. He will never be Mr. Popularity, but he now at least is not a total social misfit. But man, those early years were a nightmare, for both of us! I feel your pain!
What has seemed to help with my son is paying attention to his cues. When my ds (9) starts getting too loud or getting a bit obnoxious, it's time for him to go take a break and get a bit of space. Overall, he has his dad's social skills though. I do make a point to say, "How would you feel if...." often, because I do think kids tend to be self-centered (or self-focused ) in a way that adults aren't. BUT- and this is a biggie- I HAVE to catch him AS he's heading into being overwhelmed. Catching him after he's already there does nothing at all since he can't even hear me. We do work on it constantly with both kids. As I mentioned in another post, my kids are constantly told to back up, give people space. It did take some effort, but now they have it (except again.. if my son starts feeling overwhelmed). I actually have a sensory issue with sound. Not so much that I can't function, but if I go into a store that is CROWDED and noisy, I feel like my head is wrapped in cotton and I feel a bit wild eyed. I haven't found a solution for myself yet, beyond recognizing it and being able to say, "I'm feeling overstimulated right now." Just acknowledging it helps me. I also can't have a conversation if the tv is on, for example.. just too much happening at once. Neither my kids nor my dh have this, but my sister and my father both do (my father won't even go in a big store). I'm not sure if any of that is helpful or not. Some of us are born with great social skills (my dh for example) and some of us go through life wondering how the heck to segway between small talk and an actual friendship (me).
