So, I know many of you know my story.. but many of you are new, so I will give you a condensed version of my background. My oldest and I do not get along so well, he is very head strong and we are certain (the neuro-psych refused to give us any diagnosis since he was homeschooled and did not have a public school teacher to tell them what we were telling them) that he has ADHD and ODD. He makes every single day of my life hard and depressing. I struggle often with the thoughts of just taking all the other kids and leaving so they aren't raised thinking his behavior is ok. I brought him home after 1st grade, he went back for half of 5th and came home at the end of that year. I struggled through 6th grade and tucked my tail between my legs, admitted defeat and sent him to PS for 7th grade. Ok, now here I sit, facing a new school year. Garrett desperately wants to come home, the mama bear in me wants him to be home. Things have not been great in the school system, he is constantly in trouble for stupid things, and has now been labeled a bully because he stood up to a bully. He has had kids tell him things like "Why don't you just go kill yourself, no one likes you anyway." and he has been jumped in the hall for telling on a bully. I get calls all the time and honestly it causes me just as much if not more stress dealing with the teachers who act like I'm a horrible mom because I don't have complete control over him 24/7 (or well ever). I'm not good with confrontation, and I have some "social issues" myself with feeling inferior and also with talking on the phone. I have accumulated everything to homeschool him for 8th grade, I have also put in serious thought into connections.. which would let him be home but be accountable to someone else. Hubby is pretty set on him staying in PS... it crushes me. What do I do? I know I have the ultimate say in this issue, it's one of the things I'm kind of left in charge of in our family... but I'm not sure I want to so openly go against hubby. I can not ask to just try it.. we have been there and done that. I keep thinking if I would have just sucked it up and not complained so much before I would not even have to be worried over this.
Sommer, I am so very sorry that you're having to go through this. Would the neuro-psych now have sufficient input from others at ps to be of any help to you in handling "the Garrett situation"??
They might, but I'm not sure I'm willing to spend all that money again. Even after insurance paid their part we paid a few grand for all the counseling we went through. Now our insurance has even higher co-pays along with a new "co-insurance" which bounces between 10 and 20% Garrett did pretty well today and most of last week as well, and really I have found if I just outright say what I need to tell him and ignore his backlash he calms down much quicker and usually eventually does what he was told without me having to tell him again.
I just read a book called Tough Guys and Drama Queens: How Not to Get Blindsided by Your Child's Teen Years that is about this kind of thing. I think it really helps put things into perspective when teens are being difficult, but it is on the premise that the kids are going to public school. Still, advice was sound and could be put to use in the homeschooling environment. Here is my review on it: http://sanctuary-me.blogspot.com/2012/07/book-review-tough-guys-and-drama-queens.html
Lindina~ I soooo hope so! I dont have long if I wish to get him enrolled in Connections, but I do have up until the first day of school to pull him from PS to homeschool him. Seeking~ is that book written from a Christian perspective? Or should I say would it rub me wrong if I'm not a Christian?
The man who wrote it is Christian, but this book is more secular than I would have preferred. I stopped by your blog and saw that you have a secular homeschool approach, so I would not have suggested it if I thought it would be offensive to you. There are no references to the Bible or Christianity even generally that I can remember, but there is much on showing forgiveness. You can preview it here: http://www.amazon.com/Tough-Guys-Dr...3&sr=8-1&keywords=tough+guys+and+drama+queens
We went through some pretty extensive counseling. Months of it several days a week. They found nothing with him beyond the possibility of ADHD and ODD.. but again because there was no outside teacher to give their diagnosis, we weren't given one either. We dont have a county mental health outside of the hospital.. we live in a very small town in a very small county that is pretty much run by a very large hospital system... there is not even a dr outside of that hospitals health system in this town, and not many in any surrounding towns. I absolutely refuse to swoop in and rescue.. at all. He is 100% responsible for his actions, like he ruined his science book last year (a juice leaked in his backpack on it), he had to pay for it, I do not give allowance, so he had to go work at his Nana's house to earn money for it. He is very smart, and pretty grounded. He just has a chip on his shoulder.
Thank you for taking my views into consideration! I will get my paws on it and give it a read! Maybe there is some new gem in there that will turn my life around
Sommer I know what struggle you've gone through with him. I have no words of wisdom. I just want to offer you a big HUG. I can't imagine how hard it must be to make a decision like that. On one hand I say leave him in public school for the sake of your other children but my gosh how hard that must be as a mom to know the torment he endures from the other kids. I just want to wish your family the very best of luck.
When my son asked to come home at the end of this year before the year was over I hummed and hawed because as you know, my son is like Garrett. I finally pulled him only with the understanding that I was the mom and the teacher and there would be no arguing or fit throwing or problem causing or I would send him back. For the first 2 months he was back at home things went pretty smoothly and just recently he has started back into his antics. I have thought about sending him back but I am not sure if that is right for him or our family. Would it make the house calmer and more peaceful to send him? Yes! Is it worth the bullying and him feeling horrible about himself? No! So, my plan is to get stricter with him and let him know he can't act this way. I don't want to threaten sending him back because I know he sorta wants to go back. If I threaten it....well things won't get better he will just end up going back because that is what he wants. He needs to know that I am the parent and what I say goes. I really have such a hard time with him. He can be the sweetest kid and he is so good with my 3 and 1yo, but when he gets mad, look out. Defiance is a skill he defiantly has mastered. I have no advice just do what you feel is best for him, and your family. I am right there with you.
Thanks everyone for your input. I'm just so torn. I know I can't play the bounce him back and forth thing with his high school years coming up. That is the only thing I can put into correct thought..lol I just don't know what I should do.
I wish I had more advice for your very difficult situation, but I would say go with what your heart is telling you. Considering your past problems with having him home, it is understandable that you and your husband would be apprehensive about taking him out of ps again. However, since he seems to want to be home so badly, he may be more willing to try to cooperate with you. Sending you virtual hugs and wishes for good luck!
Sommer I am just reading this. Have you considered medication for him. I know a lot of people don't believe in it but I must say, it saved our lives here. I have one child medicated and its the best thing I ever did..... Just want to encourage you that its okay to do it. Plus nothing is written in stone. If he goes to ps and doesn't thrive then bring him home. Or keep him home on a trial basis and tell him he has to Christmas to prove his willingness to work at home and still keep the peace. I am guilty of telling my children they have to stick to the year if they do go to ps. But in truth you have everything you need and you can bring him home or send him back..... Take it day by day, consider medications, and believe.....
Oh I would definately consider meds for him.. but they have never been offered I still don't know what to do, I can't decide what weighes heavier in my heart. Thanks again everyone for the input. I'm leaning towards starting lessons with him on Monday. Not telling him it is a trial till school starts, but not turning in an affidavit to the school till like the last minute. I know he would like some of the extras that Connections offers.. like Chess Club and Robotics club. They are things I can not offer him (small area, not many homeschoolers unless they are Amish). He also has a friend who is most likely going to do Connections next year... and I think he would like that fact too.
I feel for you in so many ways. When I started reading the post, I thought, "Homeschool him, no questions asked." Then I got to the part where your husband wants him in school. I realized how that complicates things a lot. If you feel in your heart that he should be home and your husband is willing (even reluctantly) to go that route, I would do that. Then I would stick with what works with the issues that come up. By that I mean keep ignoring his backlash. If he can't get a reaction or what he wants by acting absurd (like all kids do at times), he will most likely learn that it is useless to do those things.
I'm sorry for your struggle. You've gotten lots of good advice. My only addition is, if you haven't already read it, to look for the book THE EDISON TRAIT. It's written from a completely secular perspective. From your brief description, it sounds like you may have an Edison trait dynamo on your hands. The book really helped me understand how to better parent my little edison trait dreamer (the terms will make sense if you read the book ).
Not having read all the posts.... You said your husband wants him to stay in public school. Could you do that, but tell him that then HE gets to deal with any/all problems? If the school calls you with a situation, give them his work number. Or tell them that your husband will call them back when he gets home. Let him see FIRST HAND what is going on. After all, YOU'RE a mom...irrational and overprotective :roll: when it comes to your baby! But if he sees that there really IS a problem, and that it's NOT all your son's doing, he might feel differently.
He isn't allowed to recieve calls at work (he works in a factory), and is at work all the hours that they are at school. I have totally thought of that, believe me!
