I messaged my husband last night telling him that I was taking a real look into HS and asked him if he could keep an open mind about it. I told him I would send him any article I found that was informative so that he could research with me, but I got a message this morning from him and all it said was "i would REALLY rather our son to to an ACTUAL school". I don't know what to do. I don't get 100% say in how our son is raised, but my husband is almost dead set against the idea of HS. (probably got his information about HS from his mother...my most avid protestor). I told him we still have 3yrs to decide, and all I want him to do is just to keep an open mind, but I don't think my husband will do that. Do you have any articles, books, etc...preferably ones that a father would like...that I can send to him? I hate that he is just dismissing the whole thing without even researching it. I see this becoming a fight the closer our son gets to being ready to start b/c I am really all for HS but he can be bull headed and he believes that how he was raised is the only way (even though he HATED PS (he was bullied) and all of his siblings did drugs and all of them did very poorly in school).
My husband would NOT read anything I gave him. But he did agree to a compromise: I could homeschool for ONE year. Kindergarten. That's it. By the end of that year, he was convinced we should HS until 6th. By the following year, he was convinced we should HS until 8th. About 6 months ago he said, "No child of mine will ever set foot in a public school." So... couple of things. Ask for a trial period. Ask him to respect you enough to not send a message when this is the sort of thing that requires open dialogue. Ask him to list his objections, specifically, so you can address them. Yes, it's partly his decision too, of course. But I have very little patience for men who put their foot down with no clear reason or opportunity for conversation. So if this sounds harsher than I intend, that's why and I'm sorry.
My husband was pretty opposed to homeschooling initially as well. You know what worked for him [to at least give it a fair try]? We went to a homeschooling convention in our area and walked around looking at the booths. He even ended up buying a preschool engineering kit [you built cute robots using these big, colorful gears and blocks]. Anyway, that got him on board with the notion that homeschooling wasn't so odd, and that the kids would, in fact, be able to be around other kids. He saw the kids who were there socializing just fine. I think it helped that he'd often felt bored and frustrated in school. He's an engineer, and he'd been very advanced in math but stuck going through the graded system and having to do the problems their stated way instead of the more efficient way. I think it also helped for me to show him all the homeschool groups and extracurriculars that we could do to help keep the kids involved with other kids. Socialization was his biggest concern with them. Now, he's a strong advocate for homeschooling. So, don't give up! Just try to figure out what he's most likely to be wary of with regards to homeschooling and do what you can to assuage that fear. And I agree with Amie that, when all else fails, ask for a trial period. It won't matter much if a child misses Kindergarten in the public school versus at home. If it looks like it's not working out, then you can always put the child in starting back in first grade.
Strangely enough, it was my husband trying to convince ME to hs. I didn't have any philosophical opposition to it, I just didn't feel "qualified" for it. He spent months quietly slipping little hints about how happy the kids are at home, how close he wanted our family to be, and how the "culture" of ps was changing our little girl. I finally had my own epiphany when my tiny 5 yr old told a soap opera worthy drama about so and so's crush on so and so. Even when I knew it had to be the right thing to do, it still took God putting several different people in my path who could guide and encourage me. When everywhere I looked I saw God's hand in this, I finally said "ok God, I hear You. I'm supposed to keep my kids at home." My husband had prayed for God to convince me so I'd listen better!LOL It may take you a couple of years and lots of research, but lucky for you, you started early! It may take him having his own "a-ha" moment. Or someone he meets who was succesfully hs'ed. Just keep talking about it, working with your child, and maybe searching out and befriending a hs family so that he can see what hs really looks like in real life. Just remember that your child is better off in public school than if you are hsing without dad's support, emotionally. The stress of a family not in harmony is not worth it.
If he's a statistics kind of guy, check out the ones on the HSLDA and NHERI websites. There is overwhelming evidence, gathered by reputable third party studies, that homeschooling produces children who excel in every aspect of life (including socially).
You can get some good information to share here http://www.hslda.org/earlyyears/StartHere.asp You might also look into a local hs group and see if you can find some other families close by. If you form a freindship with that family when dh is home he can see what an actual hs family looks like (pretty normal) and how the kids are. It might help dispel some of his fears or beliefs.
I agree with this whole post! It would enrage me if my husband didn't listen to what I said and just opposed anything that came out of my mouth. (My MIL hates me too, so I know what you're going through)
Thanks all for the support. Just to clarify, the only reason my husband sent me a message is because he is in Afghanistan so its hard for him to call, and when he does (like today) we are busy catching each other up on events that are happening. I thought about bringing up HSing but the connection was cut off I didn't feel like it was right to start researching all of this without him knowing, so I sent him the message that I was looking into HS and for him to keep an open mind about it. It is hard to have discussions like this over the internet, but thankfully we still have plenty of time, I just wanted to get the bug in his ear and measure his response. I think asking for a trial period is a wonderful idea. We try very hard to meet each other halfway on issues we don't agree on, and I think giving me a year or two to prove that HS is the way to go (or perhaps not...cant know until we try) is a good compromise. I think since he only gets minutes to communicate with me he sends messages that are very 'to the point'. He normally is very open to ideas and this is really the first time he strongly disagreed with me on something without first talking it out. And I agree, if he cannot be on board with HSing, even after a trial period, I think I might just have to be ok with the idea of our child going to a catholic school. He does hate how PS is going lately and agrees that the education value is not good in PS, but he still wants our son to get some sort of out of the house education. Hoping it wont be very difficult to get him on board. Thanks again everyone!
If I have learned anything in my almost 17 years as a wife, it is not to try to openly convince a man of anything. I don't know how this would look in your world, but here, if I plant a few seeds and he notices them, it usually will lead to him developing the same opinion. And aside from that little pearl of wisdom, I agree with Amie's way of suggesting a trial run. You are wise to start researching early. It might take a while for your Dh to entertain the notion.
I think your ideas are very good. BUT it is NOT "partly" his decision! HE is the head of the household; he is responsible to God for the direction of the family. Yes, I also have little patience with men who make decisions without a clear reason, etc. If you do as suggested and he STILL says no, then I feel you must follow that. Otherwise, it will drive a wedge between you. Guarding your marriage is your first responsibility. Plus, if he says no, you can always pray about it and let God change his mind. (OK, dodging tomatoes now!!!)
Won't get any tomatoes thrown by me. While my husband and I make decisions a different way I respect what you are saying and I do agree that guarding my marriage is the number one priority. And I do take into account that he is the bread winner and he makes it possible for me to be a sahm, so if he is really dead set against it when it comes time to enroll our child, then at least I know he is on board with a religious school.
In general, we men are not going to read websites or books or consult studies if recommended by others. What will help is discussing the matter with other men who homeschool - which may then lead to independent study over the Internet. Do you have friends with whom you can discuss the matter? While I don't mean to stereotype, your joint decision to homeschool must ultimately be your husband's idea - even if it's really yours. Personally, I was the more gung-ho in our family, even though much of the burden of work fell on my wife's shoulders. Also, I was very put off by some very aggressive homeschoolers we knew at the time. They implied you had to do this and definitely not do that and all schools were evil. So, my other advice would be to discuss the matter with open-minded friends, not die-hard homeschoolers. Once again, what matters is the sense that your husband is blazing the trail and not just being led by others. Finally, suggest ways in which your husband could lead. I took our children to work some days so they could learn what I do and perform some office tasks. I taught a course about Cornwall, the Celtic country from which we come. I enjoyed taking our son to homeschool baseball games. I especially liked the fact that friends and neighbors taught our children (art and Spanish) because it built a sense of community. Once you loosen the constraints of public education, it becomes exciting.
Thank you for your advise Steve. I have no actual friends who homeschool. I am on my own as far as that goes. I do have one friend who is looking into it with me, but we are all military and we are probably not going to be living at the same base much longer. And I can see where you are coming from...men do not want to feel like they are being led or forced into anything. I really want him to be excited for this, or at the very least, open to the idea. I guess we wont really be able to discuss this until next year when he returns home. Then I will look into conferences and such and hopefully hook up with other HS families. I know if he talks to HS families who are aggressive about the idea it will turn him off in a second, so hopefully I can find a few families who are open-minded and who can share their experiences without coming off as extreme. Not sure if that made sense but I do see where you are coming from
Steve, it reminds me of the time we were at my nephew's b-day party. My sil introduced me to a young woman who was interested in hs'ing, but whose husband was a public school teacher (in the same district as dh teaches in) and wasn't so sure. While we were talking in one room, Carl met HER husband in another. Somehow it was mentioned that we homeschool, so he started asking Carl questions. Of course, this guy HAD to bring up the "S" word! Carl looked him straight in the eye (knowing the public high school this man taught in) and said, "When you go back to school on Monday, I want you to take ten minutes of your lunch standing in the lunchroom, watching and listening to what's going on around you. Then call me, and let me know if that's REALLY the type of 'socialization' you want for your daughter." The man didn't have to say anything; he knew EXACTLY what Carl was talking about!
I agree with Shelley. My husband was willing to let me try, but he wasn't really into it. We went to a homeschool convention were we sat in on a lecture. The guy giving it (his name doesn't come to mind right now) gave all kinds of studies and statistics detailing how well homeschooled kids do in proportion to their publicly and even privately schooled counterparts. From there, he has noticed lots of other ways that homeschooling is superior.
I was lucky hsing was dh's idea when it came to pulling sd out of school. After praying and then really looking at the schools we both came to the conclusion that hsing would be better for dd. I hope that your dh will at least be open minded to doing some research and maybe trying for a year or two. The thing to remind him is that if it does not work you can always put them into ps or private school.
In general, I believe that major family decisions require two yeses; one from the husband and one from the wife. If there is a no from either spouse, then the answer should be no. Homeschooling is a lifestyle that will involve the family and not just the mom and child. Dad is also legally responsible for the child and will also have to deal with the comments, finances, and responsibility of homeschooling even is it is in a different way than Mom. Homeschooling is too big of a deal to not have your husband's go ahead. I like the idea about a trial run.
Yes! This is so true! We've been married 17 years, too. I would have to agree with the others. At some point see if you can get him to agree on a trial run.
