I don't seem to fit in with other homeschoolers. Not just here on these forums. Today I was at a homeschool support meeting. It was a Catholic group. I'm Catholic. I should fit in, right? I don't. NOT. AT. ALL. Can we just have a conversation where we don't manage to bring God or a saint or a church into it every other sentence? I just don't fit in. They all fit in with each other apparently, but I do not. But I don't know where else to go. I'm new to the area, so I'm feeling especially alone lately. So, I come to these forums and feel like everyone is politically conservative, religiously orthodox, and homescooling with Christian curriculum. None of those are me. I'm a liberal. I tend toward the "social justice" side of Catholicism, I don't say rosary daily, I'm in favor of women priests, and I hate the idea of Mass in Latin. I refuse to use any curriculum that labels itself Christian or Catholic because I just don't trust them. I know I'm complaining to the wrong people. But, like I said, I'm feeling lonely. Perhaps there is someone here who is also feeling lonely who can sympathisize.
Honey, you DO fit in here, just because you're a HOMESCHOOLER! We've had some very interesting discussions with many varied points of view. Even all the Christians don't agree all the time - on doctrine, on curriculum, or much of any other topic you could choose. (Sometimes it seems we do because those who don't agree just have chosen not to post on that particular thread, or something.) Not all the Christians choose Christian curriculum, either. At least one mom here produces some very good secular materials. So stay with us, Amethyst (love the name, BTW), and I'm sure you'll find some members here with matching interests/povs.
I don't fit into my local homeschool group, either, and I'm the admin! I'm very different than a lot of people here at the Spot even though I use some of the same curriculum and I'm a conservative Christian. (My homeschool group is open to anyone of any style or religion, so there are quite a few secular unschoolers who don't fit into the other groups around town.)
I consider myself relatively liberal. I too use only secular curriculum. I often do not post on a religios topics because often I feel I'm comming from a point of view so different from the posters that it would not be accepted well. By the way, I am christian too. I am part of a christian homeschool group here, and they do some prayer and relate things back to God, but if they didn't get down to homeschooling issues then I wouldn't be a part of the group. A lot of rambling to say, I think you fit in fine... we're all different; if we were all the same, it would be boring.
In a way, I don't fit in because our homeschooled ds is long since done and we've been schooling Other People's Kids for 11 years now...
(((hugs))) I'm a conservative Christian BUT we don't homeschool for religious reasons at all. I only use 1 Christian curriculum and that's for math. I use that one because it works for us. Everything else is secular or built from "scratch" (Yeah, I make a lot of my own.) We tend to operate as relaxed homeschoolers borderline unschoolers. I have a tendency to teach toward life skills rather than book knowledge. And we deal with health related issues due to special needs. I'm sure you can add to the many different flavors of homeschoolers here on the Spot. And don't worry, none of us agree with everything and everyone 100% of time. But that's ok! So Stick around! Marty
(((hugs))) I've worried that I don't actually fit in here completely either... my religious views are completely different than those on this forum (I didn't mention it because I didn't want to 'out' myself ). I'm liberal.. mostly. And I want my kids to be liberal as well. But I've found on this forum, and others, that I'm there because I do have something in common with folks. Here: I homeschool my dd. It doesn't matter that there is no mention of anything Christian in anything I teach her. I'm still facing the same struggles as most of the folks on here. In a way, homeschooling has forced me to become an island. The rift that was forming with my family prior to this due to some other, long term things, has developed into a complete gap. They don't call me.. at all. I don't have a lot of friends (I get frustrated and it seems like the people I try to be friends wth don't honestly even care about me or my life at all). But it's ok.. we trudge on. At any rate.. maybe we are all islands to a certain extent . Even though homeschooling is more 'normal' than it used to be, it still takes someone who is willing to face criticism, backbiting, and a host of other things that other people aren't. I think it takes someone who knows they could be considered a malcontent :lol: but who follow their heart anyway, knowing the payoff is worth it. I could wax poetic here on being the first one into the heart of the wilderness, and being the first one to see the wildness of it all, but.. I'll spare you :lol: I haven't connected with my local homeschool group yet, either, because I wonder if they will accept us as-is, or if we'll be considered "those people"... LOL. Ah well.
It can be very hard to find a group you feel connected with. Ironically I am a very conservative Christian but I don't fit in at all with the local Christian homeschool group. I actually found them to be quite snobby and clickish. I do however fit in wonderfully well with another group full of people I don't share any beliefs with. It may take time, but hopefully you'll find some people nearby that you fit in with. In the meantime I agree that everyone seems to fit in just fine here. We all come from different backgrounds and have different perspectives on things. That is a strength for this group and enables us to think things through with a lot of different advice.
This spot would really stink if we all had the same views, beliefs, opinions, likes, dislikes..... We are all unique and that's what makes us each so special.
TOTALLY know how you feel! We just moved in the spring and trying to find friends was VERY hard at first. Here all the groups require statements of faith which do not fit with all my beliefs. I am a christian too, but I do NOT use any christain materials. Actually I make it up myself and are almost unschoolers, which makes us VERY different from most people we know in real life. I actuallly checked out about 4 homeschool forums before deciding on staying with this one. I have found the spot to be the most inclusive.
Great insight. It's funny, I think many of us are so used to be the ones to stand apart from others that we almost migrate to our differences than our common goal to educate our children ourselves. I am an outcast among outcasts where we live. I only have two children, we can be loud and rowdy, listen to bands like Skillet, laugh most of our day, my son's hair goes well below his shirt collar and the list goes on and on. :lol: And that's just the way we like it. I'm glad the people here are so different in so many ways. It serves as a good reminder to me to keep in check my attitude, my views and my mouth. It's easy for Christian homeschoolers to inadvertently surround themselves with likeminded people just by virtue of church and homeschool groups. The Spot is helping me learn to play well with others.
Um....look at my nickname!! Darlin', we are all wonderfully made. Each of us is different in some ways, and isn't that a blessing!! Just the fact that we choose homeschooling has put us outside the "box" of normal. Can you imagion if by homeschooling, it ment you had to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, teach only certain things, etc. etc. Gosh, almost sounds like the Stepford wives, doesn't it? Embrace your uniqueness! And, in turn, respect others. NOONE will be exactly like you. Everyone wont have the same thoughts, beliefs, feelings and ideas as you. And that is perfectly OK. It is that attitude that makes the "spot" a wonderful forum. And, brooke hit the nail on the head.....The spot is helping all of us learn to play well with others.
I want to thank all of you for the support. I've not had a problem here at the Spot. I'm pretty new here, but so far things have gone fine here. It's more of a problem in person. I'm not really comfortable being an island. I mean, in an abstract sense, yes, I'm comfortable, really comfortable, doing my own thing with homeschooling. But I am a social person and I enjoy being around people. But I'm also a person that doesn't like a confrontation, at least not intentionally. I can thrive on controversial topics at times, but I'm not sure I want to be the only person in a room with 20 other Catholics defending how birth control makes sense. I can have that conversation on the internet easily, but in person it would be much too uncomfortable. And so, instead I go to the meetings and try to enjoy the company, and shake my head and smile and insert certain words and phrases carefully, so as to be Catholic and yet not hypocritical. I would never say something like "oh don't you just love the Latin Mass?" because I don't. However if someone says something about Maryland, I can say something about how Maryland was established as the Catholic state. Oh well. I don't know what I'll do. I'll continue to look for other support groups. I'm establishing some relationships in this group (my girls are already having playdates) but I live in fear of being found out. Found out that I'm not a good enough Catholic. BTW, just for the record. I'm not new to homeschooling or support groups. I'm in my 12th year of homeschooling. I started a nonsectarian support group back in my first year. But then we moved. Multiple times. But going to the group this past week really had me missing my friends in the old area before we moved. They were devote Catholics but I could have real conversations with them. And I didn't feel quite on edge about not being as CAtholic as them. Maybe I'll get to know some of these people better and find out that they accept me any way. Karen
If I wanted to do things like everyone else wouldn't I have sent my kids to public school. I don't think it matters if I homeschooled or not I would be an island in my own way somehow. My DH is really good at finding that one thing that he has in common with someone and manages to have an interesting conversation with them but that doesn't mean he has a lot in common with them. I wish I could learn how to do that. He is always himself he just finds common ground. I'd say politically I'm different in that I am a classical liberal. I find that I share some things in common with both people on the left and the right depending on the subject. That means something I believe will bother just about everyone who knows me but we also have common ground. I think the important thing is respect and appreciate other people even if they disagree with you. That's what makes America and homeschooling and true diversity really interesting is our differences. I do understand that there are flocks of people who gather together who are a lot of like but I find those places less interesting.
I so don't fit in. I find that to be true away from hsling also. Now the homeschoolers I have met here, won't even talk to me. I swear I have plague written on my front and back. They will talk to my son! Not me. Go figure on that one. I have tried believe me I have tried. Which is not normal for me, I really could care less if people talk to me or not. Yet I did want to meet some hslers around me, let my son meet a few kids that hs also. It just did not work out. I tried a ton of times, but now I don't even bother. They act as if I was invisible. I mean come on my son is standing right next to me and grown women will strike up a conversation with him, but ignore I am even there. No hi nothing. So, we leave. I do let my son play and I sit back and read or something, but nothing more than that anymore.
How I can relate to this! We hesitated to homeschool 3 years ago when our eldest was in 3rd grade for this very reason...I KNEW I wouldn't fit in and would struggle to find companionship for myself and our kids. We decided to do it anyway last year, and yup...I was right. I am a progressive/liberal Christian who uses secular material because I really don't care for much of the Christian curriculum I have seen, it doesn't mesh with our theological beliefs at all. Do I dislike conservative Christian homeschoolers? Not at all and would happily join them...if they didn't exclude us due to requirements of statement of faith. I even got a "rejection" from a group in the next town over just yesterday because we are homeschooling through a public school alternative program where we get to select our own curriculum but are merely required to turn in some work now and then and take state testing each year. I was told by this group that it wasn't "really homeschooling" so I can't join. Already I am giving up. We ARE an island. Add to the homeschooling issues being one of the few international adoptive families wish Asian kids in our small rural town and we basically don't fit in anywhere we go. What I wouldn't give to find a friend or two to connect with that wouldn't judge us based upon what materials we use, whether my daughters wear dresses or not, whether we are unschoolers/classical/Charlotte Mason or not, whether we are Christian or Catholic or Pagan...I just would like a few friends for our kids and a mommy or two for myself to gab with once in awhile who understands what homeschooling is about. I didn't realize how quickly I would not fit in with our old public school friends either, as they now see us as "one of those people"...and then still others make assumptions that we are homeschooling for religious reasons because most of the homeschoolers around here are. Coming into homeschooling with kids at middle school age doesn't help either, as cliques have long since formed. It is a real dilemma, and one I hope to weave our way through more happily. Cindy
Amethyst...........I'M NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for this post. I am not Christian, yet so many homeschoolers are. No disrespect intended but every time I've had an issue I've been told to pray. Good grief......can we not be proactive?? How about getting off our hineys and doing something ourselves instead of waiting for God to solve it. Why does God have to even enter the picture? Also, so much curriculum is faith based.....does anyone know how frustrating that is??? I think faith has a place but education I believe is not the place......this is why we have sunday school. I've belonged to two homeschool groups and the majority of them were all Christian. I left because many conversations turned to God and not the topic at hand. I moved to a new area last Sept and its hard to find people of like mind. I make my own curriculum for the most part. Actually I'm an in the closet unschooler but believe some core education is a good thing. Most people think I'm crazy to homeschool and are waiting for me to FAIL. Imagine their horror if they knew I believed in unschooling???? LOL
hey we all are different. Thank God wouldn't want twenty of the same person running around. Just because you don't do something someone does, doesn't mean its bad. We all were put on this earth for the same reason. Hang in there. I been the black sheep for so many years if some one told me I was white sheep I would think they were taking something. What I do is what is best for my family and the others can fly a kite. If they don't like or my family for who we are then its there lost not mine. there are more fish some where out there. Yes, sometimes I have to go really deep in the ocean to find a few fish that like me. But, ladies there are some out there. Guess what ladies its your lucky day you aren't going to have to go swimming to far out or to deep I am with you all. I like you all.
That is harsh. If your child is at home and not in the school, then you are by default homeschooling. Sorry you ran into that kind of garbage. I'm sure they think they have a logical reason??? I know a group we were in years ago had a statement of faith that came about actually as a way to say "let's all play nice, see we agree on the basic faith" because of the problems that some families were having with other who were of a different denomination. At the time, there was no interest in our area in homeschooling other than reasons of faith. Maybe the people needing groups of homeschoolers without a religious slant could see about starting their own group for field trips, play dates, library trips, oral presentations, etc. I am an extreme Jesus Freak, but I don't see the need to go to the zoo with only Christians, kwim? You might be surprised just how many other parents in your ps alternative program might be interested as well. Just a thought.
"Every man is an island" (note the gender), "a thorn among roses", etc. Will I, as the archetypal troll, ever fit in? When we homeschooled our children, we found most of the local support groups either cliquey or too extreme (i.e., clobbering anyone who walked within a mile of a PS). So, we made it up as we went along. We paid for small-group Spanish lessons (a reference from a friend), we took up a neighbor's offer to teach art, we went on field trips, our children would often come to work with me, and things worked out just fine. Over the several years we did this, I don't remember any particular group to which we belonged formally, but our children did establish a closer bond to family. Your post is, though, a good reminder that I should not fall into the trap of, as they say, making an ass of u and me. Even though I can be a contrarian by nature, I'm still guilty too often of just 'assuming' that others think the same way. Thank goodness for people like you who can challenge and provide different insights. If we all thought alike, who knows what errors we'd fall into.
