I have finally forgiven myself

Discussion in 'Other Conversation' started by cabsmom40, Nov 25, 2013.

  1. cabsmom40

    cabsmom40 Active Member

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    Years ago I did something that has caused me to feel deep shame and regret every time I think about it.

    When my son was preschool age, i took him to church to the little kids class. After church we were going to follow a friend to his apartment and then we would take.him to my home for Easter dinner. When I left the church, i forgot my son. I got a couple of miles down the road and realized what I had done and panicked. I turned around and went to get him crying. I was a horrible mom.

    I read that this has happened to other people who love their kids and I have finally forgiven myself. I still wish it had never happened, but I realize that I am not alone.
     
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  3. Lindina

    Lindina Active Member

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    Yes, this has happened to other parents who love their kids dearly. Like dads who are supposed to drop the toddler off at daycare on the way to work, who -- already thinking about work-- forget daycare and leave the toddler in the car. Or a baby in an infant carrier being forgotten on the roof of the car as they drive away. I bet it happens even more often when both parents work and "tag team" child care/transportation and each one thinks the other one has him/her. Bigger kids don't get picked up after sports practices, too, but they usually (nowadays) have cellphones.

    I'm sure your son doesn't remember. I'm glad you've forgiven yourself for a pretty common human failing -- being preoccupied.
     
  4. Blizzard

    Blizzard Member

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    Don't beat yourself up over it. That stuff does happen, and at least he was somewhere safe.

    When my son was 5 years old and in K, a parent had to be visible for the bus driver to let them off the bus. I was sick and fell asleep right around drop off time. Supposedly, the bus driver honked and knocked on the door, but I didn't realize it until she was driving off, and ran down the road chasing the school bus in my hot pink sweats, waving my arms and screaming like an idiot. It took a while, but I managed to get a hold of someone at the school who could page the bus driver to make arrangements to pick him up down the line. I was bawling and sure that my poor son would be scarred for life, but it wasn't even a big deal for him then and he vaguely even remembers it now. I was certainly more traumatized than my son.
     
  5. sloan127

    sloan127 Active Member

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    I once forgot one of our foster kids at a church picnic. It was horrible! Turned out the little guy was fine and sitting at a picnic table with my cousin when we got back to the park. I felt awful but he thought it was cool! I am glad you have forgiven yourself.
     
  6. monkeysmum

    monkeysmum New Member

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    hugs. I am glad you have forgiven yourself! I haven't done this yet, but it's a big worry for me. So much so that I started putting my bag under ds's seat so I have to open that door to get my bag :/ probably overdoing it, but seriously sleep deprived regularly and it's such a human thing to do!
     
  7. northernmomma

    northernmomma New Member

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    My toddler ran away while we were fixing up a swing set in the backyard. He was picked up by the police, taken to a foster home, and not returned until after we were grilled by the police, CAS, and had to have a follow up appt with CAS. It was the MOST frightening event of my life. The thing of it was. We weren't to blame. He was tucked in bed, had a baby gate (he managed to climb), we had a baby monitor with us, yet somehow he left unnoticed. I still suffer panic attacks thinking about having to call 911 thinking someone had snuck in and stolen my child. I feel guilt and shame at the thought that maybe I shouldn't have been outside (only thirty feet from our door). At some point I too hope I can learn to let it go. :/ It's been 8 years and I still feel it.
     
  8. JosieB

    JosieB Active Member

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    Honey, we're all in over our heads in this parenting game! LOL Even if we haven't 'forgotten' our child somewhere, we've all done things like that.

    I don't think I ever left my kids anywhere...but I might have and just forgot about it! (and I'm being serious! I have this feeling there is a story I should tell, but I can't remember what it is....)

    Anyway, it happens all the time because we're all so busy and sleep deprived! It doesn't mean you're a bad mom or don't love you kid, it just means you're busy and sleep deprived!
     
  9. ochumgache

    ochumgache Active Member

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    I left church without my son once...got all the way home and inside my house before I realized it! I called the church and raced back. As I was apologizing profusely to the teacher who had stayed with him, she let me know that I was not the only one. Then a few weeks later it was my turn to hang out with a boy whose parents had left without retrieving him from my class. So, I'd say you're in "good" company...but I guess I should just say you've got company! LOL
     
  10. cabsmom40

    cabsmom40 Active Member

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    Thank you all. I feel relieved about the whole thing now. I still don't like that it happened, but at least I don't feel like the world's worst mom because of that time.

    This incident happened about 14-16 years ago. I remember sobbing and holding him and I think I was telling him I am sorry. I don't even know if he knew anything was wrong. Of course my Easter that year was not the same.

    I also forgot my nephew one time, but that was a different set of circumstances. I didn't bring him to church (for Royal Rangers). My sister called and asked if I could bring him home. After the service I just plain forgot. I was almost home (25 minutes away) before I remembered.

    I know now to leave myself a note if anything is out of my routine and important.
     
  11. CrazyMom

    CrazyMom Banned

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    My husband and his family spent a year in Alaska when he was in fifth grade. There were a total of 13 people traveling in one of those huge conversion vans, towing a large boat full of luggage and gear...and they DROVE the entire 2000 miles.

    At a remote rest area in the wilds of Canada, he didn't make it back on the van. The rest of the family were hours down the road before anyone missed him. LOL. When they discovered he was gone, they panicked and called the forestry service and started driving back.

    My husband said he remembers coming out of the bathroom and seeing them driving away. He sat down at a picnic table with a book, totally unconcerned. He said a forest ranger turned up and looked a lot more excited and worried than he did. The ranger stayed with him two hours until his family returned.

    My mother in law also went on a farm call 8 months pregnant, and used her huge belly to help stuff a cow's uterus back in. (she was a vet). She said she thought the elderly farmer was going to pass out, he was so worried. Tough lady. She got the job done!

    They've got some great stories about horrible parenting. LOL. This stuff happens to EVERYONE.
     

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