I am feeling really bad for my mother lately. She is retired, 65, and a widow of 20+ years. My sister (40+) and 2 nephews live with her. They completely drive her crazy (wrecking the house and arguing and such). Lately though, my sister has been out with friends a lot and my nephew (20) is working and gone with friends more. She is alone much of the day and sometimes at night. She is bored and she calls me frequently crying and complaining about it. I have given her every suggestion in the book and she always has a reason for not doing it. She has no car so her transportation depends on my sister or myself. I offer to take her places, but money is an issue. She is on a very limited budget. So, I just don't know how to help her. For mother's day I planned to give her a trip to the mountains and we were going to stay for about 4 days. Well, she started having panic attacks on the way there because she had stayed up for 2 days getting ready. We ended up coming home instead of going on the trip. I wish I had an answer for her, but really a lot of this depends on her. She has to be willing to try something new like a hobby. What would you be doing to help your mom or dad if they were in this situation. It really is stressful for me to listen to her almost every day complain. I worry I'm not doing enough to help her. I have encouraged her to call her friends (she only has 2 really) and go out. She did that once, but she wants to know what else she should do the rest of the time. HELP!
Does she have a computer? I know myself being home so much - it is my outlet to the world sometimes. Maybe that would occupy some of her time and give her something to learn.
Invite her to go with you and your kids to the park or to the mall just for window shopping. So she can get out of the house. Maybe your parks & recreation has some programs she could get into (painting, ty chee, water aroebics, etc... maybe you could give her a gift of one of these classes).
I gave her our old computer and my nephew has tried to teach her how to use the internet. She wasn't too interested. I really thought she'd enjoy it though. I also have tried for a few years to get her into the senior groups at our parks/rec center. Until recently, she said no way. However, she is planning on going on a trip in Nov/Dec to North Carolina w/ the seniors and she is bringing her friend. I think she is reluctant to do any classes due to money reasons and no transportation. I have offered the classes as a gift but she refused. You both are thinking along the same lines as myself. I think those are great ideas, but getting her to do them is a problem.
It sounds like she is at a point in her life where she doesn't know what she wants. She may be a bit depressed because of things changing around her. Being crazy with live-ins one minute and too quiet the next. Is there anything she used to enjoy? What job did she retire from? Does she like crafts? - maybe a trip to a craft store would inspire her. Maybe an exercise class at the Y might interest her. My mom works at a retirement community. I will ask her what kind of things some of the people there do. I know they go places - sight seeing and shopping and such.
That sounds like good ideas Sabrina. Also, maybe if she has panic attacks, you just need to bring stuff to her. Would she like to scrapbook? You could go through old pictures together and write down or record stories as she tells you about them. Then you could scrapbook them. Just bring the fun to her, maybe, and laugh and talk and ignore anything negative. Let her reminesce (I don't know how to spell that word) if she wants to, maybe she just needs someone to listen to her and give her undivided attention, without the noise and negativity!
She sounds like my mom, except my mom isn't complaining. You can't get my mom to do things, either. I could pay for things, even get Dr Phil to go with her and she's just content being at home with her bird! I'm anxious to see what all comes up here.
Well sounds like home here too. There are alot of people out there who dont' like to go outside there home. One think I am going to ask does she have any kind of trouble with her bladder? I know you are saying that is funny, but it's not my mil was that way for along time then I went a couple of times sat with her and took her sewing machine to work on along with alot alittle craft things to do. Also, a DVD player with lots of old movies to watch. A CD player to play her church music. So, I was staying with her I notice she had alot of gas and went to bathroom alot. So, I had a talk with her and she told she doesn't feel comfortable be out there in public with these troubles. So, made appointment with the doctor and got it fix. Bought her some depends now the lady we can't keep her home always gone and she will be 89 on still on her own. I hope and pray the good lord lets me live that long and healthy. Any way check these out this could be the problem and depends work wonderful.
Well, my mom actually likes to leave the house. That is really her complaint. She is bored and has nowhere to go or nothing to do. We used to be shopping buddies when my dd was little. When my 2nd came along I just quit the shopping and did mostly online shopping. She misses that, but she doesn't really need to be out shopping on a very limited budget. Most hobbies take money, but she could find a hobby that is not too expensive. The problem is the hobby needs to be away from the house. I think if I was more available (not busy homeschooling and such) then we'd probably go walking a lot and go out to eat more. I thought the senior center had some good trips to go on and she'd like that. I am hoping she will go this Fall and enjoy it. Then, I could offer to pay for more things like that for gifts. Heck, I even offered to give her a job at my house.....teacher assistant, housekeeper, etc, lol. She said it was too much for me to have to go get her and bring her to our house every day. I would love to have the time she has to relax, watch tv, organize and read. She retired from Home Daycare a few years back so I guess she is finally getting bored around the house.
With the panic attacks I thought whe wasn't wanting to get out too much, or couldn't handle it or something......
Kris, the bladder thing is a very good thought. I know my mom was having diahrea problems, and wouldn't leave home, even to go to church, for quite a while. Now that things are under control for the most part, she's out and about again.
Deena... I think her attack was really from not sleeping for two days...I guess it was more of an anxiety attack. She has always been high strung. I remember when we were young and were getting ready to travel for holidays or vacations and she would stay up all night getting ready. Now, it's two nights getting ready. Thanks for all the ideas and support. I went over today just to visit when we were out and about. She seemed to enjoy talking and was sorry she had called the day before complaining to me. She really only has me to talk to about everything. I enjoy talking with her too, but there isn't too much for the kids to do at her house so they end up getting rowdy w/ my 10yo nephew. I don't usually stay too long for that reason.
