There's a lady who lives over on the next block, who I only know because she's on my canvassing route. Five times a year I ring her doorbell and ask for money. She's quite old, and seems fragile. She never recognizes me when I talk to her, but she's always friendly. This spring I started seeing her outside her house quite a bit, just weeding her yard and picking up trash that blew in. A month or so ago, I noticed she was working her way down the street in front of her house, with a plastic bag, picking up leaf litter and trash. I actually asked her what she was doing, and she kind of looked at her bag like she wasn't quite sure. Other than that, though, she seemed fairly coherent, as we chatted about the weather. Last week I spotted her on the street in front of our house, picking up trash. And then yesterday morning my son says, "Mom, why is there an old lady in our backyard?" :shock: So I ran outside, and greeted her by name. As usual, she didn't recognize me, but she didn't seem worried about it. She explained to me that you have to pinch off the dandelion buds before they bloom. I told her not to bother, really. We like our dandelions and anyway there's no point, because there's too many. She reiterated that you have to get them all. I asked her why she was doing this, and this time she explained that she had to get out and do something. The old lady she shares her home with is "mean" she says. When I asked her what was wrong, she says, "Every time I go out, she wants to know where I've been and what I've been doing!" By this point I'm thinking (sarcastically), gee, I can't imagine why her friend would be worried! :roll: Anyway, she eventually left. I asked around, and she's been seen in some other people's yards, too. And when my husband got back from church this morning, she was back in our yard again, picking dandelions! So, I'm concerned. Right now she's not hurting anyone or anything. But I'm worried she's going to become one of those oldsters you hear about on the evening news - who just wander off and are never seen again. I'd hate to think of anything happening to her, because I didn't do something. What would you do in this situation? Do you have any advice for me? My kids think it's hilarious, and when I'm not worrying about her, I can kind of see the humour of it all. It makes me wonder if I'll be wandering into strangers yards to pick their dandelions some day...
I'm wondering if she has Alzheimer's. It sounds like something my g'ma would do. She lives with someone? Then I would guess that's the person you should talk with first. I'm not sure what else you really CAN do....
As someone who is experiencing something similar with grandparents, I would call one of those elder-care hotlines. It wouldn't surprise me if her family was unaware of her activities! My grandmother's neighbors are very good about looking in on her and if she were to start wandering around like that, they know to call us, but this lady's family may have no idea. Since you don't know her family, I would def call the city agency that handles elderly well-being.
I wondered if it was Alzheimer's or some other age related dementia. Does she live with someone else or is she remembering a time when she might have? Does anyone else live with her? As a nurse, I would be the one who went over with a warm dinner in hand for her (and assumably someone else) as a means of "checking in" on her - to be sure she isn't living alone and that her needs are being met. If, while doing this, I discovered she wasn't living with someone else, I'd call the seniors hot line and explain what the concerns are in an effort to get her the help she needs. I realize others may not be comfortable doing something like this but remember this is the nurse in me doing this (as I'm reading the original story, the nursing hamsters are running over time in my brain). Alzheimer's changes typically begin in the part of the brain that affects learning. As Alzheimer's advances through the brain it leads to increasingly severe symptoms, including disorientation, mood and behavior changes; deepening confusion about events, time and place; unfounded suspicions about family, friends and professional caregivers; more serious memory loss and behavior changes; and difficulty speaking, swallowing and walking.
Ditto what everyone else said. It sounds terrible. I would do what Brenda suggested. I would take a cassarole over to her, and quietly scope out the place. If her needs aren't being met then by all means call a hotline. Maybe your kids can keep her company in the yard one day out of the week, supervised of course. Maybe it would be a welcome distraction for her, and a lesson in compassion for the kids.
A flip side to her possibly living with someone else, as much as one doesn't want to consider it, there is a high burn out rate for caregivers caring for their aging parent who has dementia of any kind. IF she is living with another "mean" person maybe they're burning out and needing help. It doesn't make them any less of a person because they can't handle the growing responsibilities - I'd say the opposite actually... they did the best they could, while they could and need help. They may not be receptive and may take offense to it but they may welcome help with open arms - even if it's just a friendly face to check in and offer help in some (seemingly) insignificant way.
If she lives with another person, I would talk to them first. You never know, she might simply be bored out of her mind or maybe she does have a form of dementia. There is an elderly man who walks up and down the street a few times during the day. He stops and leans against our gate and stares at our garden. He then walks up the street and leans on somebody elses fence for a while. I see him daily sitting in front of the school, on the curb, and sometimes he sits on the corner of the street watching cars pass. The police seem to know him because I have seen a couple officers chatting away with him in front of my house and again in front of the school. I think they are just checking on him. They appear to be very kind and gentle with him. Once in a while he will carry a bag with cans but usually he just walks, leans, stares, and sits. My concern for him is the 50 mph speed limit. People take it much faster and he doesn't always stay off the street.
Thank you, everyone! I'll see if I can make contact with the other woman she lives with. I haven't seen her in a long while, and I've heard she's been ill. If I can't track her down, there's always Telehealth. I've only ever called them when I needed medical advice on the kids, but they probably could direct me to someone I should be talking to. The world's seeming like a really weird place right now... My son just came home from his guitar lesson to tell me that he saw an old lady (thankfully not ours!) throwing oranges over the fence at the school children! And no - my son says the kids weren't trying to catch them, or acting like they knew her in any way. They were just standing around looking confused, as well they might be. "I think she was trying to feed them," says my son. "You know... these old people could make good material for a song I want to write. I've got to keep my eyes open for more of them!" Oi... I think I'll just worry about my own neighbour, not everyone elses'.
LOL! My concern right now isn't my neighbor, but my aunt. She's 80+ years old, and is an "old maid". She lives about a half-hour to 45 minutes away, and lives alone in a condo. She's having trouble getting around (uses a walker in her place, and a cane outside). I learned talking with her the other day that she fell (not seriously) grocery shopping, and hasn't been since. She comes into town about once a week to visit her friend (90+) who also lives alone. I told her that when she comes, I'd take her shopping. She says she can get the stuff from the car into the house without any trouble, it's just maneuvering the cart around the store. She's suppose to call me with a list, and I'll pick it up for her. My cousin's daughter lives close by and had been keeping an eye on her, but she's going through a divorce and had turn a little while ago. Since my aunt doesn't have kids of her own, I feel those of us around town need to keep an eye on her!
I agree with others, definitely go up to the house with some cake or casserole or flowers, whatever. Anything to get you invited in. You'd probably be able to see immedeiately if her living conditions are acceptable. I wish there were more neighbors like you who care about the old lady down the street. We wouldn't see so many tragic stories on the news then.
