I don't think it would be terrible at all. I DO think it will take a lot of work, a lot of grace, and a lot of communication - both beforehand and while you are living there. You sound like you're aware of that, and are willing to go the extra steps you would need to make it work. Yep, I think you need to have everything spelled out ahead of time. I also think you need to make sure your "wing" has a sitting room kind of area that can be closed off, so your family can retreat and just "be", and I think you should plan on spending at least one evening a week there, playing games or something together. Your mom is worried - which is totally understandable. As long as you don't complain to her about the parts of it that rub you the wrong way (and there will be those parts! ), she will come around. It's not wrong or weird or harmful... just different.
I know someone who lived in the same house for a while and had a great time. The reason they moved was that the house was too small as they had more kids. It certainly CAN work, just be aware of what you are getting into so that if it DOESN'T work you are not in a worse place than you are now.
Yea, I said it and not ashame to say it, I have done it and it SUCKS and I mean SUCKS... there alot of things you need to get in writing and I mean writing and in the end all you have is you, dh and kids if something happens and no friends.. Theres alot to look at... Well I think money is tight for everyone now days and yes it is a wonderful idea and yes you have to look at it from your point. what will you gain, what will you lose if something happens. It has to be what you and your famly wants you ask for our opinon I gave it because I have done it and it sucks... So, that is my opinion I am sticking to it. I told you, you wouldn't like it and you don't but it's the truth. Also, I said you have to look at what you and your family wants and go from there. You can't make your decision on what I said or anyone. We don't know your family or friends. Some say go for it some say no way. But it all ends down to being what ever you want to do anyway.
Maybe you're right. I just don't know what to do. It seems like everyone I talk to about this reacts to negatively it's hard to think that maybe it's a good idea. I mean, even with Homeschooling, there were some people around us who were completely supportive. My mom thinks I'm loony and am going to ruin the boys. DH's parents don't want him to move "so far away". :roll: It seems the only people who think this might be a good idea are those of us involved. Then again, we're really the only ones who need to, right? Ug. I'm just so not used to being a complete outsider. Of course, all of this is contingent upon Trasi selling her house. And with the current market, it would take an act of God. lol.
Well, I will admit I did not read the entire thread..I have a 3 year old taking me up on the promise to take her outside...LOL. Anyway..funny you are thinking about this as just yesterday I mentioned that something like this would be a grand idea! LOL. I hope it all works out smoothly.
I think people react negatively because they think you are giving up your privacy or that if someone doesn't do their share or whatever that there will be problems. I know this is not something I would enter into lightly or without family. Yet, the concept is a great idea. HOwever, in today's society we are so independent and concerned with privacy and our own things that it sounds so off. But hey, so does home schooling! LOL. Pray about it and see if God wants you to do it...if so then don't look back.
Wow, I got off line and suddenly your thread has 5 pages...yikes! Anyway, Amie, I think all of us just feel comfortable enough with you to post our concerns (cuz we luv ya). Only you and your DH really can address the privacy, day to day life stuff, as well as the legal and monetary issues. Sounds like time to get out the big piece of paper for the pros & cons list :lol:
I think it sounds like a good idea to help everyone out. I do think it would be important to have some spaces allowed for just your family to have time together. Privacy would be my biggest concern. (Would you be able to walk from the bedroom to the dryer in a towel? ) Spontaneity could be out, because everyone would need to agree on things. I, personally, do not think I would like sharing a home with someone. But, I love the idea of sharing land/outdoor responsibilities and everyone having their own housing. I don't think that would help much in the finance department though. Like the other ladies said, just make sure all the bases are covered as to what everyone is responsible for and what will happen if someone wants to pull out. The decision comes down to do you think it would work for your family.
I have no problems at all with you ladies expressing your concerns. I guess it just blindsided me because it was something I never expected to be a concern. But by all means, continue to express away.
Personally, I wouldn't want to do it. (I read the first page and the last, but nothing in between, btw!) I can see too many potential problems in this, one of which is ruining good friendships. That's just my opinion; if you can work out all the concerns to your satisfaction and your DH is on board, then fine.
Is there a way you could do this with these people and you each have your own little home? Like I said before I personally would never ever want to live with other people in my house. I need the freedom to walk to the kitchen in my panties if I want too. I love the idea of sharing land and chores and a big garden and things of that nature. Just not a house. Of course it may work great for you. Everyone has an opinion.
I'd have to say also that I agree with Tiffany. I would NEVER live in the same house with ANYONE unless I was forced to. I was thinking more of having little homes on one large lot. That's just me though...maybe I am a control freak or just like my own time and privacy. I guess I also like alone time and don't really care to compromise on every little issue. I mean when you live with someone else you are forced to compromise on what's on tv, how things are stored, how things are cleaned, what's for dinner, how long you are in the bathroom to how high the heat is or the a/c is.... Those all may seem minor but after time even the minor things will seem unbearable. Or maybe that's just me. LOL.
yep that is what I been saying all along, from the beginning it sucks to live with others. Yes, if you all have your own house and space that is totally different.
I don't know if I'd hate it. I'm not a huge fan of cokking so I could easily cede the kitchen. I do howeve, love laundry so I could pick up slack there. The right mix of people and it could be a great arrangment!
I think that the reason most people have a negative initial reaction is because it's a societal thing to value independence and privacy. I think that most people automatically dismiss such an idea because it just isn't the norm (hey, sounds kind of like homeschooling, eh?). :lol: In other societies, whole extended families and friends live under the same roof, and the way we do it here would be odd to them, ya know? We lived with another couple for about seven months after DH got out of the navy. We couldn't afford to live anywhere else, as he was making $10 an hour as a carpenter and we were deeply in debt. At first, it was great, but over time, not so great. I was so miserable by the time we moved into our own place...there were just no words to describe how wonderful it felt to have our privacy again. Because of what that experience was like, I know that such a situation would not work for us again. But that is just US. You and your DH have to decide what is best for your family, then do it. And of course, you know that. I guess what I'm saying is, don't take other people's reactions personally...I don't think anyone means it as a judgment against you; rather, they're just expressing their own feelings about how they would feel about living in such an arrangement. Sending prayers of wisdom to you guys. It's a tough decision!
I wouldn't do it and it has nothing to do with "society". Around here we have numerous of families that live together. I know many families that pull it off and enjoy it. But I enjoy my privacy, my family time, leaving my kitchen messy if I want, frolicking around the house in my undies with Handsome when Ems is out, not doing my part of the chores if I want to take a lazy day or two off, allowing my animals to roam the house and leave fur on the carpet when it is cold outside. Yes, it is doable, but at what cost? I think this is where you will have to really be cautious and examine the facts. There is no doubt you will sacrific somethings. Is this alright with you and your husband? Will it benefit your children in the long run? I do not like living by "what ifs" but in this situation I would think of all the "what ifs" and see if you are willing to live with them. If it is something you want to do, and your husband of course, then go for it. It is going to be your choice in the end. I also would go with seperate small homes if possible.
We talked more today and looked into the cost of separate smaller homes. It would completely defeat the purpose. Not only would the cost to build them all put us at the expenses we have now, we'd be stuck since we wouldn't be able to move out at any point. For starters, Trasi wouldn't pick up the payment of whomever was moving out, as in our original plan, and second, we wouldn't be able to sell the home since we don't own the land. It would be permanent in the most severe sense.
Yes, that would not work at all. As I see it, talk it over and either stick with your original plan or give it up altogether. My friend that loved it, they divided the house into two separate parts and did the outside together and that is why it worked for them.
I think RoadRunner is right. And I will tell you this. The kids have been gone the last two weeks, and I DO enjoy having the freedom of not worrying about what I wasn't wearing while they were gone.
Can you build one big house but divide it differently. I was just remembering reading an article by the authors of the Well-Trained Mind. They share an old farmhouse in Williamsburg (they are family though). They each have a part of the house and can open/close (lock/unlock) a common door in between but otherwise have separate living quarters. That way you'd still have privacy (separate entrance, sep kitchen, etc.)....just another thought to add to the mix. Rhonda
