(I ran across these and thought we could all use a good laugh) * My husband and I divorced over religious differences...he thought he was God, and I didn't. * I used to have a handle on life....but it broke. * Don't take life too seriously....no one gets out alive. * You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. * The gene pool could use a little chlorine. * Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up. * Stupidity is not a handicap....PARK ELSEWHERE!! * A picture IS worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. * The trouble with life is there's no background music. Enjoy!! (Add some along if you have them!)
Here's one I heard just this morning: *If people were meant to POP out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters*
Got this today in a homeschooling newsletter: You know you're a homeschool family when.... You get to change more than diapers, you get to change their minds. You ask for, and get, a copier instead of a diamond tennis bracelet for your wedding anniversary. Your husband can walk in at the end of a long day and tell how the science experiment went just by looking at the house. You never have to drive your child's forgotten lunch to school. Your child will never suffer the embarrassment of group showers after PE. The only debate about the school lunch program is whose turn it is to cook. If your child gets drugs at school, it's probably Tylenol. Your neighbors think you are insane. Your formal dining room now has a computer, copy machine, and many bookshelves and there are educational posters and maps all over the walls. You have meal worms growing in a container....on purpose. If you get caught talking to yourself, you can claim you're having a PTA meeting. Talking out loud to yourself is a parent/teacher conference. You take off for a teacher in-service day because the principal needs clean underwear. You can't make it through a movie without pointing out the historical inaccuracies. You step on math manipulatives on your pre-dawn stumble to the bathroom. The teacher gets to kiss the principal in the faculty lounge and no one gossips. If your child claims that the dog ate his homework, you can ask the dog. You can't make it through the grocery produce department without asking your preschooler the name and color of every vegetable. You can't put your produce in your cart without asking your older student to estimate its weight and verify accuracy. You live in a one-house schoolroom. (These were posted on a homeschool website. I don't know who the author is.)
parent/teacher conference I love that one. If I am upset I talk to myself under my breath. The kids can always tell and they say over and over, "Mom what is wrong?" I know the answer now.
