My 5 year old dd Samantha puts up a fight every time we're supposed to learn how to read. I'm getting mixed signals about readiness, and I just don't know what to do! I don't know whether to postpone reading or dig in my heels. Because on one hand, if she's really not ready then I don't want to make her hate learning...but if she is ready and is just being defiant, then I don't want to send her the message that she can just throw a fit to get out of something, you know? So here are the mixed signals I'm getting from her. I subscribed to an online phonics program because I thought it would be fun. She screams and cries when it comes on, and is reluctant to follow the directions...but she always ends up laughing because the "space doggy" instructor is funny (ClicknKids is the program name, btw). There's slapstick humor that she really gets a kick out of, *when she lets her defenses down*...and she thinks the talking TV tray is amusing too. There's also a few jokes that she laughs at every time lol. And at the end, it shows how she scored compared to other children who took the same lesson, and she almost always scores higher than the average. Quite a few times she's gotten 100% correct. She seems to learn the phonograms pretty quickly, but she just refuses to apply her knowledge in order to read words put in front of her. She might agree to read one or two words begrudgingly, but then she'll put her defenses back up and refuse to do anything more. According to her scores, I know she has the information in her head to read certain words...but even though she has the tools, she just refuses to apply what she's learned. Sometimes she'll refuse to identify words that I know that she knows! So what do you think I should do about this? I'm about to test out a different program, but I don't think that will work. Because in the end, it's not as amusing as the online "space doggy" program, which usually ends up making her laugh even though she fights it. I think she also learns better this way too...if only she would apply herself after the lessons were over! But anyway, given these mixed signals...should I scratch reading off the curriculum or tell her that she has the capability to read and therefore needs to at least TRY??? I mean, part of me wants to have a "child-centered" education but I'm hesitant to tell her she doesn't have to learn to read now, after she has demonstrated ability.
Oh I forgot to mention that I have already postponed reading once. We originally started in March, and when she complained a lot, I just decided to wait until the fall, when we were going to officially start homeschooling anyway. So I've already given her one break.
One break so far....but she's only 5. I'd let he do stuff on her own, in HER time! I'd NEVER force a child to read at that age! They may have the ability, but just not be ready for it right now. That's okay, there's no hurry! There are LOTS and LOTS of years of school ahead of her! Right now school should be fun for her. I'm guessing that if you don't "dig your heels in" and just let her do her own thing (you can have things setting out available for when SHE decides she wants to do them), that she'll come around! Best wishes!
I don't think I would try and force the issue at the moment. (Have you tested her vision by the way? Maybe she is stubborn because it is confusing her, but she can see the animated doggy a little more clearly?) I think she is just not ready. Read to her, and ask questions once in awhile to check comprehension (and because the discussions allow her input)- and then read to her some more. There are simple "you read to me, I'll read to you" type books, where you read a page and she reads a page. Or while you are reading a rhyming type book, pause at a rhyming word and see if she fills it in. It will begin clicking eventually! MT3
I'd have to agree. I have a six year old and she was rather defiant in the reading (and writing) department (now she's moved on to math, what's next? science?!?) I just think it's the age really. Now I wouldn't say she loooves to do reading every day, but it has gone from, "I don't want to do reader today!" To, "Let's do reader first to get it out of the way" to "I can't wait to see what happens to Jane and Kate today and the cake their baking!". She has also started looking over my shoulder while I'm reading a book and pointing at words she knows which I think is awesome! I would say give it time...I'm going through the same thing w/ math, and I know it's just a phase, she'll pull out of it. Hang in there!!!Oh, there are women on here that I'm learning lot's of sneaky learning from, I hope some come on here and comment, they're advice is priceless!
I would continue working on reading, but not force it. Does that make sense? Here's what I mean: MT3's idea about you read one page (or one sentence) and have her read the next. Or choose one word each day & have her look for that word in the books you read to her. play games that involve reading skills, but keep them fun & light. Make sure there's plenty of reading materials all around the house & try to find books she might be interested in. If you dig your heels in & say "I know you can do it, so you're going to", you'll probably turn to her off to reading. If you keep it fun & stress-free, you'll have a better chance of her enjoying it. I wouldn't stop reading lessons completely, I would just try to make them more fun for her.
I think I would also back off. Try getting books that you can read to her, and maybe change the words and see if she can "catch" you making "mistakes". Make them pretty obvious, and it will be a game to her. Then ask her, "How do you know I'm wrong? WHERE does it say....." She may know more than you think, and is bored with what you're expecting of her.
I'm agreeing with everyone else. She may be ready in terms of having the skills but may not have the maturity or emotional skills (like dealing with frustration) that she needs. Remember that at that age especially MORE IMPORTANT than the skills are keeping a light and fun attitude to learning. It's not about getting them to read, it's about building the foundation of good attitude to learning so that when she does approach reading or whatever else, she'll be well equipped. Don't invest in anything either. Once you've slapped down money you often think you *have* to use it. Stick with Starfall.com and other free resources.
There is a difference in having the individual skills & being able to apply them in order to read. They are two very different things. I would do lots of modeling on how to apply the phonics skills she is learning.
I've got a similar 5 yr old son....seems ready to read but has either very good reading days or very bad days.....gonna have to look into the space doggie though. On his very bad days....we just do 5 mins (just so he knows he can't whine just to get out of it) and if he's having a super great reading day....we do as much as his wiggly self can handle. But we've been on short a FOREVER....now we've finally moved onto short i. We're doing HOP because he likes it and I already owned it from my oldest kids (not my favorite but the grandparents bought it years ago). My older kids hated it and so it's practically brand new. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you're not alone in struggling to decide how hard to push. Rhonda C.
I have to agree with others. . .I wouldn't even dream of forcing a child to learn reading at that age. There is no harm in waiting. . .and well. . .I've had a couple of readers who have read at 4 or so but I also have one who is 6 and is still working on reading. And he's the gifted one. As far as feeling like if you say she doesn't have to do it she'll get the wrong idea. . .I would honestly be more afraid that by digging in your heals and forcing the issue that you would kill her desire to learn. jm2c
I would let her be the leader, if she is stressing or fussing over doing the reading, dont make her do more than a couple attempts at words, or let HER help YOU read... so that it does not feel to her like a chore or hard work, but something fun! Also take time to sit and read quickly and slowly around her where she can hear about the story and want to know more. Stop the book set it down in a really good place! Then she will ask you to read it with her. these are tricks other people told me to do,
I would say place a great deal of emphasis on reading in a way that is more agreeable to your daughter. My daughter was an early reader, however I did notice that in the beginning she much rather be read to than to read herself. Reading is hard work. The beginning reader has to decode every word--how fun could that be? And those first books... how boring to read something like "Run, Spot, run!" When mama can read about Mr. Putter and Tabby Painting the Porch with a squirrel getting into the paint and Mr. Putter saying words like "Scat" and "Jiminy." When my daughter was able to read some, but not interested in reading, I would read periodically stop on a word while Tabby was chasing the squirrel and have her read that word to me. Then she, on her own, began to continue reading until she came to a word she could not easily decode. In this way, she anxiously participated in the story, yet was not overwhelmed. Just a few words a day every day can make a difference in how a child feels about reading. Eventually, my daughter began reading more, but might still tire from it. She would look at all the words on a page and say it was too hard, when really it was just the amount of words on the page, so I would cover part of the page. Now she relishes reading to us as much as having us read to her. I did not do a phonics program, as that would have turned her off completely then, she did a reading program and she naturally learned many phonics along the way.
For the past few months, she hasn't even really wanted to have books read to her! Except for a few times. She'll be okay with stories I say out loud, completely from memory...she'll help me recite most of "Goodnight Moon" to her little brother at bedtime. (The physical book was accidentally ruined, unfortunately, and we haven't replaced it yet.) But she shoots down reading books together almost 99% of the time. Uuugghhhh! I do hope she gets out of that phase soon. A month ago I started letting her go on starfall.com when I could tell that she needed some "relief." I figured she'd still learn on that site, but it would be more relaxed because she would just listen to the sounds in a fun way, without being obviously tested. But it actually made the situation worse. Now she begs to go on starfall.com all the time, but she doesn't seem to actually *learn* on that site like she does on clicknkids.com. Like, she'll spend a long time on a certain sound, and then when I ask her what that letter says, she'll say, "I don't know." But on clicknkids.com, she learns it right away and it stays with her. I'm continuing to let her "play" on starfall, but I am saddened that it's not producing results like the other site did. Maybe with her unique learning style, it'll just take longer for her to learn things on that site with the way it's presented? I guess she just needs some more time. I'll continue introducing phonograms to her, but I won't force her to use them. But when she's ready, she'll already have them in her head, hopefully. She's very good at remembering the sounds. It just threw me for a loop when I saw her laugh at those great lessons, do such a good job, and yet still not want to do more. I thought that children usually want to do things that they are fairly good at, you know? And I also thought that making a child laugh consistently would lead to a desire to pursue the subject matter further. Laughing and then protesting...that just confuses me. The main reason I was *considering* forcing the issue was that she used to resist ALL of her subjects! I think for about the first 3 weeks, she cried and screamed every day about every single subject. But then last week I decided to draw up a Dora-style map for her...I would draw a picture signifying each subject and the last picture would be a computer (her reward for finishing the other lessons was playtime on starfall). She got a kick out of that, and suddenly she would come to me every morning asking for a new map, before I even had a chance to make my coffee!! But when I put reading on the map, she shut down again. I did back down and didn't make her do it that day. Part of me wonders if it's just her last-ditch effort to resist SOME part of school...any piece of control she can cling to. At least that's what someone told me. But maybe she really isn't ready for the "full leap" into reading after all. She'll probably have to slowly ease into it, first by starting to listen to books again, then progressing by baby steps from there.
Hmmm. Now that you have explained a bit more it sounds a bit more familiar to me. Particularly the "laughing and then protesting...that just confuses me." It confuses me too. My daughter had a friend who would "go along" with something and seemed to really enjoy herself, but then tell her mother she hated it! She might do it again if my daughter did, and she would enjoy herself, and again she tell her mother she hated it! :roll: First, please understand that I am not passing any judgements. I believe you posted this hoping for encouragement and suggestions so please understand that I replied in that spirit. You may be doing everything right and still have this challenge, but I have observed that when children give mixed signals that often the parents are unintentionally giving mixed signals. A wise person once told me, to change something in someone else, you need to change something within yourself. It may be that she has not really been inspired to love to read. It is more encouraging to get a child to read by limiting TV, what is allowed to be watched and how much may be watched--even educational shows. (There have been whole days that we have not had the TV on at all in our home and it very rarely is ever on before late afternoon or evening.) It is more encouraging to get a child to read by making regular trips to a public library and let her choose her own books, with your approval. You may be surprised what she really likes. If your library has a story time, try to be there for it. It is more encouraging to get a child to read when you read, particularly if you are expressive while reading silently to yourself. Laugh out loud at something funny! Say "Oh, my!" at when you read something surprising. It is more encouraging to get a child to read when listening to you read aloud, the TV is off (soft instrumental music in the background is a nice touch), and the child plays quietly in the same room. It doesn't matter if she really listens to what you read at this point, just that she hears your voice reading. If time is a factor, make recordings of you reading that play in the background during the day (when the TV is off). Let us know how it turns out. By the way, I love the map idea!
Angelheart, Just a couple quick questions so as I don't bore you with unnecessary jargon...is your dd more apt to start and finish a project that is of the mechanical sort, like art projects, drawing, building things, or is she more apt to start and finish projects that correspond to the recognition-type, like phonics, frequency words, etc? You mentioned that she had a fight in her, when it came to subjects in the past, and reading is no different. I'm a standing by!!! Dr. Russ
I am wondering why she HAS to do school subjects at age 4? If she's not wanting to do the subjects, or not ready for them yet, then maybe she can just be a little 4yo and not HAVE to do school? I might try backing completely away from school for awhile and let her come back to stuff when she's ready. She could play with measuring cups and sand or rice or beans, and take walks and you can point out different things you see (Look! There's a pretty butterfly! What colors does it have, can you see?), and playing with blocks and dolls and things kids play with IS learning and developing!
true Deena.. infact those blocks and things are math , shapes and solids, The colors of the butterfly art, the butterfly itself couldtake on a whole metaphorphis of its own ! HAHA! (SP on that one) Study things and get books about them to read to her, she will decide to read on her own when she is ready to.
