Just had to share with everyone that my oldest ds who is 15.5 years old has his first real job and we are so proud of him! We've hs'd him since 6th grade, and since his job is a dishwasher at a local restaurant I kid him that I've been training him for this position all of his life! :lol: The only thing that really bugs me is that his boss is very outspoken about hs'ing, he says she questions him a lot about the details and every time we see her she questions us and gives disapproving comments about the whole issue. Yet she never has one complaint about my son or his performance at work, in fact she goes on about what a happy and well adjusted kid he is despite 'not being in school'! The last time I saw her she told me that I am a 'helicopter parent' and that is not good for my kids, that they need school for the pressure or they will never make it in the 'real world'. My ds deals with it pretty well, and tells me he just blows her off when she starts up with him and tells her he is happy. He said it was kind of funny, she talks about him not getting enough pressure but when he told her he is studying for the SAT already she said "isn't that too much pressure for you, shouldn't you wait a year?" It is really getting on my nerves. :roll: and I feel like it is plain rude for her to keep making an issue out of his personal life. Should I say something or just let him continue to handle her? Maybe this is a really good thing for him to have to deal with people like this on his own?
I think it is good for him. It would upset me as well if it were my son. But we have all had bad bosses and we need to learn to deal with them. If it becomes too bad, he will let you know. You can help him find a different job when that time comes and let him quit after he as found one. That is just what I would do, or at least what I think I will do when my kids are in that situation. Good luck to him! He does sound like he is handling it very well.
It'd be good for my 15 1/2 yo to get a job, but around here you can't until you're 16. I know this would bother me too!!! But I'd go by how my son feels about it. If he's getting frustrated with it, then it's not worth it, and he should find something else. But if he's dealing with it okay, I'd let it go. It could be good for helping him to build character, and dealing with work issues that may arise when he's older.
That's great! What an exciting time to get a first job! Coming from a person who own restaurants, I'd say the more you can help your ds learn to deal with the situation on his own, the better. I know sometimes it is just plain hard to do that. There are always 1 or 2 people who are harder to get along with. Sometimes it's on purpose, and sometimes it is just the difference in character. If you find it is a purposeful attack on your choice to hs...I might intervene, if your ds is not comfortable talking to the boss himself. If it is a difference in character, I would encourage him to do the best he can in getting along, doing his job, and not getting caught up in any "nonsense". You are the mother, so listen to your son and do what you feel is best. Congrats to your ds!! And to you for doing such a FINE job in preparing him!!
Congratulations, tmjtk, on your son's job! Our dd (15) is substituting for the librarian today at the public library, & we're proud of her, too! It's a small library, but, non-the-less, she was excited about the opportunity. I'm with you--I wish we could protect our children from all the probing that adults do to them, which they (the adults) would be too embarressed to do to us parents. I'm sometimes shocked at the things others say to or ask our children. It's almost like the kids are "open game" for any "fishing" which curious or disapproving adults want to do. Is that because they are perceived as being weaker or more vulnerable or more likely to let some juicy tid-bit out of the bag for the public to snarf up, digest, regurgitate, & then pass on to others??? Just maintain the open relationship that you already have with your son, so that he can feel free to build his skill in handling the "public" with your feed-back. I think you'll do great. This is something that anyone who chooses to do something a little bit avant-guard has to deal with. Blessings & Merry Christmas!
I agree about trying to let him handle it on his own. We can't be around always to stick up for them even though it would be nice!! Jane was lucky with her first job this spring that the manager would question her about hsing because she was contemplating it for her own daughter. The job she started last weekend is only on Saturdays but the girl who got her in the door is hoping she can start working lunches during the week. I was amazed at how much her self-confidence came up when she started working. This is only her second year hsing and her last year in ps had took it's toll. BTW, does anyone else feel "old" having young-uns old enough to work and drive!?
As I am typing this our son is at work at his very first public job and this is his very first day. He gets off in 46 minutes and we will see how it went. I hope he had a great experience and will enjoy his new job. He is 17 and dying to gain some independence. I hope he can handle the pressure of a job. After all, he is in public school.
Yes, I agree that he needs to handle it. BUT...if the boss says something to YOU, then you by all means can say something! "Is there something my son isn't doing that makes you think he needs more (gag!!!) socialization? How is his work inferior to where you consider this an issue?"
Hey everyone. I've been a lurker for awhile and this is my first post. If the boss persisted with the comments, I'd have to have a talk with her. With him still just being 15, there is nothing wrong with stepping in, if it came to that. As for the the "helicopter parent" comment, I'd let her know that she'd better watch out or your "helicopter parent's" propeller will turn on her if she keeps harassing your son.
I am dumb I guess but does a helicopter parent mean you hover too much? I have never heard of a helicopter parent before.
I agree with Jackie, If you says something to you, you have every right to stand up for your self. Congrats. to your son on the new job.
Yes, It means a parent who "Hovers" over their kids. I heard it in reference to college aged kids whose parents paid for everything, did their laundry, moved to an apartment near campus, helped them with research, talked with their professors about everything, helped them choose social activities, sometimes even joining the classes that their kids were in and doing their homework for them. Basicaly; parents who do everything for their kids and never let them grow up. But assuring that your MINOR child's work inviorment is free of HARASSMENT in the form of PERSONAL ATTACKS is completely appropriate. He is a minor, not a grown man. Yes, we all have to learn to "Deal" with butt-head bosses. But we also have to learn that some jobs are not worth it and when to tell the boss to "Take this job and ...... " Where that thin line is and when to cross it, is of course up to you. But good luck! This is a hard call.
Thank you Aurie, great advice! He likes the job, but we did talk about finding him something else down the road if it gets to be too much with the personal inquiries about hs'ing. He told me that his other boss (the husband) really likes him and supports hs'ing, and he spends most of his time working with him so maybe it isn't too bad. I just get so frustrated at people who have the nerve to criticize my choices, I can not imagine running down public school to strangers or their children regardless of how I feel about it!! :x Michelle
Exactly Deena, thank you for reaffirming what I was thinking ~ this could be a great opportunity for character building for him. He seems to handle it better than I do lol, I just get so annoyed at people who feel it is their right to run down my choice to hs!! Michelle
Awesome advice Hoosier Mama, thank you!! It is definitely a purposeful attack on my choice to hs but it is just her outspoken character so I am trying not to take it personally. She seems to be the type that says what she is thinking and I think it bothers me more because I could not imagine myself turning the tables on her and speaking out against her choice to ps her child! When I talked to my ds about it his advice was "just ignore her mom, that's pretty much what I do!" Maybe it's just me but I get very offended by people who bash hs'ing.
Thank you Prarie Home, you are so right. To be honest I should have tougher skin about this issue, we've been at it for going on 5 years now! It seems like no matter how prepared I feel to deal with the blows, I am left almost speechless by the things people have the nerve to say (especially in front of our children!). My biggest concern is that they have a skewed view of hs'ing from watching the media and don't take the time to really get to know those of us who are sucessful at it in order to balance their views. Even someone like myself, who is vehemently opposed to public school for MY children, can recognize that it works well for some other people's kids. I guess I just wish people could hold the same view about our choices as I do about theirs. Michelle
LOL YES YES and YES!! Although mine isn't driving yet, I still have that tiny sliver to hang onto as I am still his taxi. That will end this May, however, and as happy as I am to see him move on into adulthood it breaks my heart to think of the little man he used to be!! :cry:
YES SOCIALIZATION is, of course, her main concern! I mean we all know that the type of socialization in most public schools makes for such a better, well-rounded teenager, right?! Her other main beef is that they came here from China for the education system America offers and especially living here in Montana she (and a lot of others) can not FATHOM why those of us who hs here could possibly think there is anything wrong with the ps system in the last best place on earth!! :roll: I have actually considered going to the ps's around here as a speaker to talk to the children about learning to have more tolerance toward those of us who are "different", those of us who choose an "alternative lifestyle". It should fit right into their curriculum, right?! Michelle
