Okay - so I am one of those people who dwell on things and I have a situation in which I need your advice/opinion. Last weekend the kids and I (boys - age 5 1/2 and 3) attended a Halloween party at a friends' house. During the party (outdoors/backyard), the kids were running and playing. All of a sudden, we hear a loud shriek! We turn around, and find that my 3 year old has picked up a small pumpkin --one of those 4-5 inches in diameter(they were scattered throughout the yard) and has thrown it at a little girl and hit her in the face. :shock: It happened to be the hostesses 5 year old daughter. I, of course, ran straight over there - as did the girl's grandmother. (Mom to the girl was somewhere inside) I checked on the girl and scolded my son. He told her he was sorry several times and the grandmother took the little girl inside. I continued reprimanding my son and sat him in time out for uite a while. When the mom came outside, I asked how the girl was doing , her mom responded with a roll of the eyes and exasperation (spelling? I can't seem to get that word right) anyway - she responded "Okay. But we have Christmas pictures with Santa tomorrow and now she is going to have a black mark on her face!." I said - "Oh, I'm sorry! " She said "Well!" Okay - so needless to say - I felt terrible and didn't stay much longer at the party. I thought it was over and done with, but apparently not. I have had several friends tell me that she has continued to show them "what that mean boy did", and that "there is still a mark". So - I need your opinions and advice. Did I handle the situation right -- or do I owe her more? How do I respond to her next time I see her? How do I respond when friends tell me she is still pointing it out to people and calling my son "mean". This is a VERY small town and we will encounter her at many functions. I am feeling like other people might take her word and think badly of my parenting or my children.
Well, I can answer from the point of view of the other mom. I have a very good friend with a 3 year old who once intentionally and spitefully pushed my then 12 month old down on the tile floor. It happened right in front of me. All she got was a time out and a stern talking to. To me that was hardly enough. Obviously her daughter (and I know this because we are with them a lot) has behavior issues. She is not disciplined enough at home (ever really). She is allowed to get away with a lot. Over the years I have seen that she has developed a mean and spiteful disposition. Why that it I cannot be sure. Maybe not enough attention at home? I don't know. This may be nothing like your situation (and probably isn’t) but my point is that I would have appreciated it more if they had talked to her and taken her home as punishment. But I think every mom is different. It is hard to tell what would have made her feel better if anything. You did what you felt was best at the moment. That is all we can do as a mother. Maybe talking to her is the right thing?
I think the mom was just in shock and angry. Angry her kid got hurt and just in time for pictures...isn't it always how it happens. However, I think she is acting like a child herself. Get over it. Things happen, especially at a child's party with toddlers and pumpkins. What else could you have done? What does the mom expect? If he threw the pumpkin at the girl on purpose than I would call the lady and apologize again. Maybe she has cooled down. I would also tell her that your son (and do this) was punished for his actions further at home. If he was simply throwing the pumpkin around and it hit the girl than I don't think any further punishment is necessary. However, if the mom is still being a baby about this than I would call and apologize again. I have been in similar situations on both ends. When you kid does it you are embarressed and think your name is tarnished forever. It is not. When you kid is the victim you are angry but you get over it and realize you are dealing with kids. So, don't worry this will blow over. I can't imagine that other people this lady speaks to will not understand that your son has only been on this earth 3 years. Now, it may be nice if you have your son draw a picture or make a card of apology. That would be a nice lesson for him and a nice gesture that may just shut this lady up about a toddler. That or she will look stupid for continuing on this path after you made such an effort to apologize. LOL. SeekTruth....as far as your situation I would want to ring the little sucker's neck. lol. See, learningnest...motherly instinct. lol. This will blow over. have your kid make a card, call and see how the girl is doing and leave it go.
I'd call her on it........ tell her that your son did not intend to hit her, and that he is not a mean boy...... that it was an accident, let her know you hope that it won't drudge a sore spot between your friendship.
I don't think he intentionally did it. (IF he did, he has really good aim!) Plus, the little girl was out playing in a matter of minutes, so thankfully I knew she wasn't hurt too bad. It is just frustrating because she is bad-mouthing my kids and my parenting. (This is a mom that works full-time, has a nanny, and thinks driving her kid to all of her events is parenting.) ANYWAY - I just didn't know how to handle her not letting it go.
I would take what others are saying she's saying with a grain of salt. People sometimes put their own spin or interpretation on things--- intentionally or not. Also, I imagine a lot of this is the mom's frustration about the pictures. Of course, I would think those could be rescheduled back a week or so, but that's just me. I'd have your son send an apology card like Ava Rose suggested and follow up with a call or e-mail. Let the gossip part go. Unless you hear her saying something first-hand, you honestly don't know what she's actually saying to people about the matter.
That's true - you never know if what I am hearing has been skewed a bit. I'm sure she was frustrated because she had scheduled the Christmas pictures ahead of time. I'm hoping it all blows over - and am feeling much better about it after reading ya'lls advice. Thanks for being great "online" friends.
first of all, we are talking about 3 year olds! If you think it would help to tell the mother he was punished further at home, fine. but there is NO point in punishing him now, he probably doesn't remember the incident anyway. I think people for the most part...know that 3 year olds are very impulsive and are just NOT ABLE to predict the consequences of their behaviors. That is why a quick "I am disappointed in you," and a brief (for a 3 y.o. 3 min.) time out is very (and all) that is appropriate in this type of situation. My son was bitten by a playmate...she was kissing his cheek...and it must have seemed like a good idea...surprisingly we do still hang out with THOSE people. (the kids are 11 now and they pretend to be mortified when we tell this story.) SOOOO, trust me, even in a small town, your reputation is not ruined. People will decide if you are a bad mom completely on their own. In a few years, if this woman has a brain, you all will laugh about it. (especially if she really does have a mark in the photo) Caveat: My MIL who is a champion grudge holder, still speaks poorly of a child who bit my SIL (I think the children were about 4) and that was 40 years ago. Some folks, ya jus' can't hep. So don't worry so much. in the karma of childhood her own sweet angel will probably bop a kid at MOPS with a Barbie doll just next week.
And may I add...a boy. I have a seven-year old boy... Boy flicks ear of old, grumpy dog. Dog growls at boy. Boy continues. Dog nips boys hand. Boy is stunned by the unexpected turn of events. Boy swings jump rope at sister. The end hits sister in head. Boy can't understand why sister is crying when all he was doing was trying to laso her. Boy is dressed for church. It is raining. On the way to the car, boy jumps in a greasy puddle. Boy is suprised when black water splashes up on his khaki pants. And it does not completely end with childhood... Grown man sees me struggling to clean lime off of the bathroom fixtures. Grown man decides to suprise me by cleaning fixtures (very sweet). Intelligent grown man (one with knowledge of chemical reactions) does not like to scrub so he pour straight sulfuric acid on the fixtures. Lime is gone and so is the finish on the fixtures. So, he's not bad...he's boy. Girls have their own set of issues, but that's another thread.
Good idea I would just leave it alone but if your really concerned I would do that then leave it alone, if she still harps on it then thats the way it goes some people just wont let things go. I had a 3yr boy kick my son in the groin one year for no reason at all my son was 5yr at the time and didnt do anything he just cried and couldnt believe why the boy did that. The boy got scolded and that was the end of it. Now three years later they are very good friends. Sam
Thanks again. I was beginning to think I had the only boy who did "boyish" things! I think I will just let it be. I do not feel the need to call and re-apologize, or have my ds write a card. Hopefully, this too shall pass --- until the next time!
I agree. Things happen and the little guy is only 3. Let the other mom get over it. The "little black mark" will be something to remember 10 years from now.
