I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that my once sweet daughter has absolutely no love for me until she wants something of course. I have always thought we were close for a mother and daughter not friends because that is reserved for when she's older and an adult. Her behavior towards me the past year and half has left me heart broken and I'm tired of it. I know she is a teenager and she's testing the waters of independence but I did not raise her to be this way. I can't even touch her without her jerking away from me and you can forget about me trying to kiss her. She gives me looks of being disgusted with me like I am horrible or something. I have expressed my feelings on this subject with her and don't seem to be getting anywhere with her. My heart is broken.
Praying right now for you and for your dd. So, so sorry you are going through this. Praying for the Lord to give you patience and insight into what the trouble is.
I am so sorry. I will pray for you and her. Keep giving her and the problem to the Lord, He doesn't want you to carry it alone.
Thanks mommas. I have given it to God and I'm not picking it back up. I know our family has been going through a lot of changes lately with our impending move to China and having to live with my mother. We have had to find homes for our furry babies and that has been hard on all of us as well. Her birthday is next month and I know she is worried she won't get to have a huge party with all of her friends. As it stands, hubby and I are supposed to be in Hong Kong a couple days before her birthday, so even though she says she doesn't care that we won't be here I really think she does. At least I pray she does. Today hubby noticed her attitude so I'm sure he will have a nice long talk with her about it. I just want and expect the beautiful young lady I raised to come back. This stuff is for the birds. Again thank you for praying for us I really appreciate it.
I hope this will be encouraging... I think my mother could have written that about me when I was 14. I don't think I was quite that obvious, but I could have been. I do remember feeling annoyed with my Mom a lot! Looking back, I can tell you that it had nothing to do with my Mom and a lot to do with hormones and a little to do with establishing some independence. Hormones give us the physical symptoms of some negative emotions. It is illogical to have these physical manifestations without some external cause, so our brains try to attach these feelings onto something. Moms are just easy targets, because they are close and always there. I think that you are probably getting the brunt of this, because you and she ARE close. My Mom dealt with it successfully but just giving me some space. She didn’t try to make me “talk about it” which is good, because I didn’t understand it. She accepted “fine” as an answer to “how was your day?” When I would be in the mood to talk, she’d listen. I know she bit her tongue a lot. She wanted to give me advice, but except when necessary, she held back. She also didn’t take any garbage from me. I didn’t have to be affectionate, but I did have to be respectful. Anyway, that time eventually passed, and I had a good relationship with my Mom as a young and no-so-young adult. I've talked to her practically everyday for the past 20 years. Now, she has dementia, and it’s my turn to give her space when she needs it and to not take it personally when she acts like I'm the last person on the planet she wants to see!
Thank you Alice. I am praying and believing this phase will end quickly. We have always been an affectionate family and to have her pull away constantly hurts my feelings. This too shall pass.
My dd is 14. Not a fun age, but she;s been touchy for several years now. There are days when I really think that she hates me. She's one of those kids who are going to really make me earn my mothering badge. No help, just hugs....and try not to take it personally.
Thank you everyone for praying. I am slowly getting my angel back. I've had two whole days of being able to touch her and smooch her. And she didn't flinch or jerk away. She actually responded with the same affection. Prayers are being answered and I'll take every baby step I get.
A man's perspective, with one daughter now 28 and another who is 14. 1) Some children are touchy-feely while others are not. No physical affection does not mean no love. It just means they don't particularly like to be hugged or kissed. (Note: our younger one right now hates for me to try to hug her; our older daughter enjoys a hug from her dad.) 2) Some children, not all, do behave rather differently as teens, but they really do grow out of it. The older our children become, the more they really do care for us as parents. 3) From what you describe, your daughter must be viewing the future with some trepidation. Parents being on the other side of the world? That's scary, no matter how many preparations you make. 4) Yes, birthdays are important. Is there no way you can surprise your daughter by being there for her birthday? It might help a lot. I don't know your circumstances (so please don't take this the wrong way), but I can imagine that your daughter feels she comes low on your list of priorities (I'm not saying she is, just that she feels that she is). Hugs and kisses aren't what matter: You're going to China and she isn't; it's her birthday soon, and you don't plan to be with her. That's tough for a young person to accept - no matter how justified the situation.
Thanks Steve for a "mans" perspective. Dates have changed for our trip so we will be here for her actual birthday. And we actually are planning a huge birthday for her since we will all be on the other side of the world for her sixteenth. Things are getting better in regards to how she is treating me. We can go up from here. Again thanks everyone who has taken the time to pray for our situation. It means a lot to me.
sure glad to hear that things are looking up. Becoming a teenager is hard on everyone. Like you said take the baby steps enjoy them and go from there.
