Just wondering how much responsibilities you give the older child regarding younger sibs. My dd acts so much like a little mom to the kids even tho she's only 8. My dd 2 will actually go to her first when she wants something!! I want her to enjoy her childhood not be a mini-me. She does help me out a great deal when I'm stuck in a chair nursing the piranha but I try to always call the other kids too not just her when I need something. With homeschooling tho she doesn't get a break from being oldest like she would have if she was in ps. I do try to have lunch out just the two of us weekly so she gets to be without the entourage
My oldest is also 8 and he had minimal responsibilities for his almost 2 year old sibling. I will ask him to watch her a couple times a day for about 5 minutes each time while I run to do something out of the room. My 6 year old has a stronger connection with my 2 year old so he will sometimes play with her to help me. While my 6 year old does a great job, I prefer to give the responsibility to my 8 year old when I am out of the room. My 6 year old is a better choice when I am in the room. Overall though they don't have much responsibility to their younger sibling. I was an older sibling who had lots of responsibility for younger kids and I wanted it to be different for my kids. They get to clean up the toddlers mess though
I have been told that the oldest will think of "me, Mommy and Daddy" are in charge of the "rest" of the kids! And I sure know that's true with Rachael. And, unfortunately, her maturity means I do tend to expect her to take charge when maybe she shouldn't. Right now at church, I have her helping me with the younger group of kids on Friday nights, and she understands better what I want than the other adult in the room. I really have to be careful! Last week, she was fussing about the other adult telling this out-of-control inner city kid (very sweetly), "You really need to sit down now...." Rachael, on the other hand, at another point went up and told him in a very firm voice, "SIT! NOW!" And there was NOTHING sweet about her demeanor when she said it! And he did, too! But by commenting on it to someone else, she was disrespecting the other adult. And I did point this out to her.
Maybe you need to give her time for herself. like where she can go to her room play on the computer, read a book. Are her grandparents close by she can go and spend the night with them. Let her just have little me time its important.
My second child-oldest daughter- is exactly like that! Most of the time, I don't ask her to be in charge of the younger ones, she just helps on her own. I think it's natural instinct for some. I make sure my dd gets time with just me, too. She has her own room, so she is able to get away from the younger girls when she needs to. But, it is certainly not wrong to ask older kids to help out when needed.
Wait....do we have the same daughter? LOL. Oldest kids...especially dds...tend to be mini-moms. My dd is 12 and is always acting like a mini-mom. I don't think it's a bad thing. I just think it needs to be tempered...she tends to think she ranks higher than the other kids. Yet...I can understand that since she does take charge and does babysit for brief periods of time. My little ones go to her all the time. Even my 10 year old son, asks her for things. lol. I think it's natural. However, there needs to be a balance as with anything.
My family is like this too. but I try to make sure the oldest sister realizes that she's not a parent. (We have to remind her of that occasionally) I do allow her to do special things (like we are paying for a 4-h camp that normally we woudn't pay for) just to let her know we appreciate her help. And I make it a point to ask the smaller kids to do everything that she cannot do. So if I need help making lunches, I ask my oldest dd. But if little brother needs help opening a door, I might ask my other dd's.
This has been our experience with our older girls as well. There is a big age difference between the older girls and Ems. When Ems was born, the girls wanted to change her, babysit her, feed her, and so on. Along with the above, they also thought it was their place to correct her and to an extent I agree. Now the older daughter is like a mother hen and Ems respects her as an authority figure. So Handsome and I are fine with our oldest taking charge if she wants to. Our middle daughter is another case. She bossed Ems around because she thought it was her right since she was older. While we allowed her to take some charge over Ems and did ask her to help from time to time, she was not and is not allowed to make any decisions regarding Ems. I think the difference between the two girls is one loves Ems and wants to care for her because she loves her. The other loves Ems but likes to be in charge.
