Since moving to a coastal city, we've had a big increase in the number of out-of-town friends and family who want to visit us (free beach vacation). We LOVE having guests, but we really feel a strain on our budget with visitors who stay more than a night or two. Our budget is tight. Adding a family of three to our food budget for 4 or 5 days is a huge hit for us. Just this week, I had one friend ask if she, her son, and another friend could come for 6 days. Honestly, I want them to come. I so miss my old friendships, but my grocery budget is spent, and I was frantic as to how I was going to feed three extra people with no extra money. It turns out they can't come after all, but there were a couple of days that I was really stressing! This morning I got a text from another friend asking where the nearest airport was. I told her, and she said she plans to fly her daughter here to stay with us for a while. I fear it will turn into an extended stay. One extra person isn't so bad, but I think I should have been asked first (and this girl is rude and disrespectful). If money was no issue, I'd host people all the time, but the fact is that money is tight for us. When we've visited friends or family for a few days, I always offer to help with groceries. Some accept and some don't, but I always offer. How do I handle this?
That is a tough situation and I one I have been in MANY times. We used to just bite the bullet and pay for all their food but once we moved here we couldn't do that anymore and we had guests every other month for 2-3 weeks at a time. It was a CONSTANT stream of guests and finally we had to tell people that they are welcome to stay as long as they provide all their own food or were willing to pitch in the amount the currently spent on food for the length of their stay. I was so scared at first that I would be offending people but it turns out that most of them didn't even think about the cost it was to me and once we brought it up they were more than happy to help. However, some were upset that they weren't going to get a "free" vacation so they opted not to come. Just let people know the truth. I was surprised how many were not upset with me.
The way I see it is you only have two options, fork out the money that you do not have, or you have to tell them they have to help. It is selfish of them to invite themselves and then expect you to feed them and their children.
If they're close enough to assume they can come, they're close enough to be honest with: We'd love to have you but there's no budge in our food budget, and it won't cover. Can you help out in that area? And that's just food. Never mind the water and electricity bills for bathing and washing laundry and running the appliances more...
I don't think it would be rude to ask people to help with the food budget while they stay. If it offends someone and they don't come, well, that is not your problem (my opinion). As far as the gal coming to stay. 1) How does this mom expect the girl to get from the airport to your place? 2) She should be willing to send money (to you!) for food, field trips, etc while her daughter stays. 3) I would probably not allow her to plan out your summer for you! Explain that you have plenty of house guests for the summer, and perhaps later you two can plan something. Just my two cents... MT3
Uh. Well, first off, the person who wants to send her daughter to stay with you, didn't ask and isn't offering any $$? I would just say..."no." Period. If she asks why, tell her. Sorry. But that IS rude. She should ASK if it's okay AND offer to pay her child's way. Food, lodging, additional expenses, etc. And you should be able to say, well, if she stays here she'll live under OUR rules. Period. And if she doesn't, she's out. As for others, wanting to come stay for "free" vacations, etc. I don't think it's out of line to ask for contributions for groceries. They are getting to stay at the beach for free. So they should AT LEAST do that. RUDE to not even OFFER, in my opinion. One or two day stay, maybe not.....but for 6 days????? Anyway.... (((HUGS))))
I'm really hoping this ones just fizzles on it's own. She actually plans to have the girls dad, who lives 5 hours from me, pick her up at the airport and bring her to my house. He's been an absentee dad for years, so I really wonder what she's thinking. The trip is supposed to be for her 13th birthday. I think I will tell her that she will need to bring money for any activities we do and that she has to go home by a certain date (the next weekend!). We have several out of town swim meets, that I WILL NOT allow her to go to. Our whole family doesn't even go to conserve on the cost.
I agree with everyone else. There is no way people should just assume it is OK to come and visit for even one day without contributing- UNLESS you invite them to come. Even then if you need some help paying for stuff, I don't see anything wrong with saying, "I would love to see you all, but I simply cannot afford it at this time." If someone just makes plans to send their child to you home, then that is rude and I would have to tell them no.
We moved half way across the country in the last year and we have been having a lot of overnight guests as well. Older people have been fine (our parents ect) but guests under 50 have not been as good. Both mine and hubby's parents demanded to buy groceries and took us our for dinner ect. But others make menu requests and do not help and it's downright annoying!! WE are to the point that we will make requests up front now. All that to say, "I feel your pain."
I agree with Lindina. That is NUTS! I can't believe people would be so rude as to invite them selves to stay at your house and not bring or buy there own food !!!! I would very politely email/call them before they plan on coming and tell them what you plan on making "your family" for dinners, and ask if she would like to split the cooking with you, or if "her family" does not like those meals that she is free to use your kitchen to make there own meals. Just opening up your house to them is very nice.
I talked with my friend who wanted to send her daughter yesterday. She had changed her plans a bit since the first texts I got. She planned to drive her daughter here, stay a few days (we had talked about that earlier, so I was ok with that part) but then leave the daughter for 2 1/2 weeks. I did tell her our budget was right and she agred to send money. I also told her that we had plans for two of the weekends, so a shorter stay would be needed. I'm certainly not taking an extra kid to an out-of-town swim meet! So now, she's rethinking the whole thing. Really, she should've talked to me first so the plans could have fit into both our schedules and budgets.
What is the world coming to? Used to people had sense enough not to invite themselves for extended stays and not offer any money in return for a roof and food! We've only had this problem once, with hubby's teenage cousin. But, he was 16-17 at the time, his parents were both drug addicts and absentee parents his whole life, etc, so I did give him a little extra allowance, but I made him do housework in return for his stay LOL ...but there came a point where I had to politely offer to drive him to his sister's house across the hwy. He got the point and walked there that evening.
do a little research and let your guests that aren't close family know where the closest or most fun hotels are.... tell them you would love to spend some time with them once they get there but you know they'd prefer their own space too.....
WOW!!! Hey, now that dh is retired, I think we'll come and spend the summer. You can school my kids for me while DH and I go out and enjoy ourselves. Oh, and don't forget to get my family a pool pass! We'll be there this Wednesday, and stay until sometime in August. I KNOW you won't mind! Oh, and I'm sure Dh and I would LOVE to go and spend a week BY OURSELVES while the kids stay with you! You're SUCH a good friend! I KNEW you would understand!!! :lol::roll:
That made me laugh! Hey, if you supply the food, you're all welcome to a beach vacation! Not much to do other than the beach... Unless you like to gamble!!
I'm always unpleasantly surprised at how obnoxious some people can be! I don't think it is out of line to ask for help with groceries AT ALL! I think it is out of line for people to be so presuming!
Do you sew, Iron, I will bring my mending and ironing along. Polish silver, pet sit, pet groom, car needs detailed. We like shrimp and lamb and lobster, if you are not adept at preparing these, you can take us out....no problem really. Silk sheets only, and no wine from a box please. Do you like paper and envelopes, or fold over cards,... I want to bring a little hostess gift.
wanted to add, we will bring our own beach towels, I would not want to burden you with too much extra laundry.
