I have a rather large blended family. (There are 10 of us, total). Currently, two of my brothers, and one of my sisters homeschool, while two others will be homeschooling, when their children are older. My problem is another of my sisters who is adamantly opposed to homeschool. She has not had any experience with it, and so assumes that it is not a good thing. She actually told me about a week ago that her and her husband think that in order to teach homeschool, the parents should have to pass a test in the same grade that they are going to teach their children. It just got my blood boiling, and so I told her that it was a bit insulting to think that I couldn't even teach 1st grade! No, I do not have a degree. I have about a year to go whenever I decide to get back into it, but still, I am not stupid, nor are any of the other homeschool parents I have met. Grrr. It just got my blood boiling, and I don't even want to discuss it with her anymore. So far, I have not discussed the matter with my fathers side of the family (they are kind of education snobs) but I am pretty sure I will get similar reactions from them, although I love them dearly, I just don't want to go there! Have any of you had similar problems?
"Honestly, if you think school is so useless that it can't ensure I can teach a child in grade 5 then you're only making me more determined to homeschool." Then I wouldn't bother with the topic anymore. It sounds like it's more emotional for her (as evidenced by her horrible reasoning) so you're not going to say anything that will have much impact. Best thng is to avoid it beyond saying, "This is what we're doing." Any time it's brought up a shrug and, "We've made our choice and it's not up for discussion. Pass the bean dip please," will do. I know the temptation to convince them homeschooling is good or that you're not a bad parent for homeschooling is HUGE but it's almost always a fool's errand. Best you can do is refuse to engage them. They may change their minds after seeing your family in action but in the meantime it's none of their business and it will only eat you up inside.
MIL is a 6th grade teacher, and is always bringing us materials for teaching such as development books and guidelines, puzzles, reading books etc. This is very cool, and I think her for bringing them every time she does...However.....she recently spoke to the wrong person about how she feels like she has to buy me things to teach with because she thinks I'm incompetant and our children are going to grow up incompetant like me. GGRRRRR....big grrrrrrr. I was extremely angry about this, and felt like she tihnks my kids are stupid! Well, we don't get along in the first place adn never have so when she brings something I say, "Thanks for X we'll use it when we get done with our regular lessons. I agree with Dawn, just say that this is our decision to make, and not yours. Thank you for your interest, though. and leave it at that.
Some people are crazy. I think half of arguments I hear are from ignorance and the other half from people who want their choices (i.e. public school) to be the right ones for everyone.
I agree with the others. Just don't talk to her about it. There's no reason to. It's your decision, your kids, so (for lack of tact) it's none of her business. I learned my lesson about this. When we first began homeschooling I was so excited and told everyone. I never expected the negative reaction I got. Mean, nasty remarks, insults, etc. Come on, they might as well call me stupid. I can't teach kindergarten??? I'm not qualified??? When am I going to stop playing schoolteacher??? The only thing I have to say about it is 'the proof is in the puddin' '. Time has to pass and they need to see that your kids are doing just fine. I don't get too much flack now, thank goodness.
I haven't had much negative reaction so far. Mostly just questions about why/how. But a couple of weeks ago, we were visiting with Dh's family and there were several educators in the group ranging from child care providers to public school administrators. The topic came up, of course, and they were all appalled to learn that in my state, homeschoolers are not required to take the standardized tests that public schoolers take. There was a pretty lengthy discussion about it between them all. I just mostly sat and listened except when I was asked to fill in a fact here and there. I knew I wasn't going to change their mind so I just tried to be polite. My poor dh got an earful when we got to the car though. The main person I've had negative comments from has been my aunt. She "homeschooled" my cousin for a couple of years for junior high school- she had her do SOS on her own while her parents were at work during the day. I think her negativity comes from her unhappiness about not being able to stay home with her dd, so it makes her feel better to find flaws with us. I mostly just ignore it.
I was at a friend's when her mother and an ex-teacher stopped in. When she found out we homeschooled she was very supportive up until the point where, "You're going to sendthem to high school of course because you can't possibly give them the things a high school can." I kindly said I wasn't sure but made a bit of a case for high school at home until I realized this lady was NOT going to lose the argument and then I steered it into a topic I KNEW would win the day, how schools just aren't like they used to be. We eventually hd a wonderful chat about Jesuit schools which we were both convinced are absolutely marvelous. Funny thing is I have quite a few friends who are retired teachers (my friends seem to be at least a decade older then me and usually several ) and they lvoe the idea of homeschooling.
You all must be saints! I have such a hard time backing down on this, because I feel so strongly that this is what God wants for us. I just wish she could see that. She did ask me what I would do for high school on the difficult subjects, like math. I just told her that when/if that day comes, we will look into the other options, like an online class or something. It did seem to ease her fears a bit, but even the fact that she had such fears just is irritating. Thank you all so much for your calm, rational attitudes. It is much needed when I am not feeling so rational.
All you can do is refuse to discuss it with them. It is YOUR decision, not theirs. "Our decision is just that...OUR decision. It's none of your business. If you value our relationship, you will respect the right of my husband and myself to raise the children as we see fit, and not discuss it any further. We need to agree to disagree." Oh, and keep plenty of bean dip on hand!
I think some people think we are sitting there teaching our children everything we know. Ha. Good thing it doesn't work like that. I am a facilitator. I provide a way for my kids to learn. If I don't know something I can find someone who can, a resource that can, or I can learn along with them. Public and private schools have teachers teaching subjects that they aren't knowledgeable in. I know I sure had some in the private school I attended.
I was talking to a lady yesterday who knew me when I was a teenager. I guess she had "heard through the grapevine" that I was homeschooling and running into us at McDonald's on a weekday at lunchtime must have confirmed it. She asked, politely, what made us decide to homeschool. She then asked what grades my kids were in. A few minutes later, out of the blue, she asked me what grades I had taught in PS. Ha! You could see the wheels turning, but she didn't say anything. Most people seem to think that since I taught Early Childhood I am very qualified to teach the younger two but not the older two.
Agreed! I think a lot of current educators feel threatened by the idea that a non-professional can do their job (especially after all the money spent in college/grad school) while maybe retired teachers can be more objective. I'm not anti-public school, but as a former PS teacher myself, I know I want better for my kids. But I don't dare say that b/c I don't want my friends to feel condemned for their choice to send their kids to PS. I still remember how I viewed homeschoolers before I was "converted":wink: However, I still have a hard time answering the question "why did you decide to homeschool?" but I try to make my answer short and to the point, then leave it there.
"We believe this is what God wants of our family/" Straight, to-the-point, and if they don't like it they can take it up with God, lol! We don't have to explain the fact that my husband has taught both middle and high school in our district, that I use to teach elementary special ed. I don't tell them about the behavior and lack of discipline in even the "best" schools, or the lack of respect for the teachers. I don't explain all the inappropriate stuff that's part of their curriculum, or the "Day of Silence" or Planned Parenthood. I don't tell them the number of times my husband has been assaulted by students over the years. I let them feel that this is our decision for OUR family, and hopefully they don't feel at all condemned for the decisions they make for THEIR family.
