My oldest is 6 and she displays a lot of the perfectionist qualities that are often attributed to oldest kids. One of the ways in which this manifests itself is in the way that she learns - she doesn't want anybody to see the process of her learning. She doesn't like to ask questions or discuss things or seem like she doesn't know something already. When trying to tell her something or remind her of something that will help if she's struggling I get a lot of "I know, I know, I know!" or "you don't have to TELL me!" She's very bright, but doesn't like to put a lot of effort into things that she doesn't already feel like she's good at. Loooooves to read, but doesn't like to talk about what she's reading (ie. what her favorite parts are in the story, explain what the story is about, etc) or draw pictures or write about it. (Writing in general isn't a favorite with her). However, I know her comprehension is spot on when she DOES answer questions. I'm wondering if this sounds familiar to anybody else and if so, how do you handle it? One of my concerns is that she will just ingest, ingest, ingest through books and never want to create something of her own... but perhaps it's too early to be concerned about that? Or maybe it's not even a valid concern? Thoughts?
My oldest is also a perfectionist in many ways. She was one to think there was a "right" and "wrong" answer for everything. When she was younger, I would ask her "Why do you think....?" and she would turn the question back around to me. "What do YOU think...?" It also showed in her piano playing. Her teacher would give her chords to a praise song, and encourage her to improvise with it. She HATED that!!! She was afraid that what she did would be "wrong". But put music in front of her, and she'll keep at it until it's perfect. My youngest, however.... He has a recital tomorrow night, and he's not anywhere NEAR ready for it! And he really doesn't care! But he LOVES, LOVES, LOVES to improvise and play around, and does an excellent job with it.
Your dd is still very young. My dd did not like to talk about stories she was reading but what I would do is talk about books we were doing as read alouds. If she did not want to answer the question I would say what I think. After awhile she would anticipate what I was going to ask and she would answer. I also started introducing the occasional assignment from Reading Detective (The Critical Thinking Company) when she was in 4th/5th grade. That gave her some practical experience for how they would ask questions on standardized test and gave me an insight into her comprehension skills.
My 9 year old has gotten better over time, but my 6 year old is still like this. Something you could consider now or in the future is music lessons, though... particularly piano. Piano lessons are something that take a lot of practice, you can hear her progression, and it teaches a perfectionist that not only is it ok to make mistakes, it's also ok to have expression.
