My only New Year's Resolution this year is to be more like the Proverbs 31 Woman. I have been reading, and rereading that Proverb to better understand what the Lord is asking of me, and how to apply it to my life. I have been thinking about some things today, though. It says that she should not be vain... I LOVE my hair. I love forties hairstyles. What do you get? Victory Rolls for Christmas parties. Big ones. If I'm not supposed to be vain, does that mean that I can't do my hairstyles and makeup? Or that I just can't flaunt it and draw attention to it myself? Also it says that I should always be forgiving to others (the bible in general says that we should forgive our enemies).I am having a hard time with this. My MIL is constantly finding ways to cause trouble for us. Any thing as simple as subtly making fun of either one of us, not listening to our wishes and requests, deliberately short-handing our handicapped son, and then heaping on a helping of guilt if you call her out on what she does. I have told my husband that he can go over or talk to her whenever he wants, but the children and I are no longer having any contact with her. Just thinking of her previous behavior makes my heart beat fast and makes me queasy to my stomach! I find it hard to forgive, but I could. However, I can't let her around my children anymore. Does forgiving her mean that I have to accept her around my children? Thanks for your help and input!!!
Vanity is not simply caring about your appearance. Vanity comes in when we become too focused on appearance--times when looking good is all we care about. How we present ourselves as children of God should be more of a focus than what others think of our looks. I think all of us struggle with forgiveness at times. We are sinners. When I am struggling to forgive, I try to think of this example that I once heard: How, when we think of all that God has forgiven us and given for us (His Son), can we NOT forgive others? Now, if your MIL is purposefully doing things to hurt you and your family, you do not have to subject yourselves to it continuously. I think you should step back and your DH should handle all issues with his mom. There should be clear boundaries about what type of behavior will not be tolerated. If your MIL will not abide by his wishes, there is nothing wrong with staying away. If she wants to be a part of your lives, she will realize that her actions are hurtful and will try to change. If she refuses, offer forgiveness, but tell her you will not continue to put your children in situations where they will be hurt.
( I recommend finding the book called "The Proverbs 31 Woman and other Impossible Dreams". I read it a few years ago, and it was entertaining and thought provoking. Changed the way I looked at the whole Proverbs 31 Woman ideal. In a GOOD way.
Vanity is conceit. Vanity is being overly proud or your looks or accomplishments. Vanity is being conceited to the extent that it keeps you from doing those things you should or caring for others as you should. Examples: Not wanting to get your hair wet and making others do your work or carry your groceries in etc. Or Not being willing to help another because you do not want to get your hair messed up in the wind. Not wanting to hang out with your fellow Christian women because their hair does not meet up to your standards. Keeping your hair nicely is not necessarily vain, but could be considered good stewardship. To not keep you hair nice would be slovenly and lazy. Being attractive for our spouses is part of being a good wife.
I think this verse talks to us loudly in different areas.. I think you need to pray about it, and seek God's will.. For me to be vain is someone who is constantly buying the latest fashions the million dollar purses, always calling for attention. To put make up on daily is not vain, I don't think. We should always look good for our husbands.. I guess its as mentioned maybe conceited or thinking they look better than others. The forgiveness... I think you need to forgive, but distance yourself as much as problem. Make a goal to pray for her daily in 2014 and you will see your own attitude change. I have someone in my life who really offends me every chance she gets, and since I have been praying for her (it's a daily cross I carry).. When she says something to offend me I have no problems smiling and asking God for strength. I have to tell you.. she offends me a lot less now.. but I do pray for her daily.. and I know she can see a HUGE difference in me and she is wondering WHY... Best of luck! Great goal! Jennifer
when I got to the point that I was taking time away from my family or responsibilities in order to 'make myself up' (hair and make up), that was when I was convicted of vanity. I'm NOT saying not to take time for yourself! That is so important. And if you spend that time on your hair, that's not a problem. As others have said, it's an attitude about your appearance, not your appearance, that signifies vanity. So as long as having a bad hair day doesn't put you in a bad mood (that affects how you treat your family) or you aren't taking hours to get your hair just right when the dishes are piling up, spending time your your hair isn't an issue.
I think the hair thing is a spiritual issue. If you are being convicted by the Spirit that your hair and looks are an issue for you then, yes it is an issue that you personally need to change. But I don't think as an over all order you can't wear makeup or do up your hair. If you feel convicted then change, you don't have to do an all or nothing ( unless of course the Spirit says so) I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I brush my hair and pull it back, no make up ever. I have been convicted a time or two that I need to do more. It is a personal Spirit led decision. Over all I think the P31 woman thing is taken to far in the Christian culture, so much that it hinders some very awesome women with to much of a burden to be perfect. Be a helper to your Husband, work hard to help him provide for your family, do your job(s) and whatever else you can to teach your kids to love God and to Love as God loved us. I think some of those things listed in P31 are natural outcomes of being a hard working dedicated mom. They have no fear of winter...she has stores of food, warm clothes etc. It isn't a perfect woman just a hard working one, who loves her God, and does all she can to serve HIM by serving her family well. As for your MIL, I quit speaking to my mom over 2 years ago. She was a bad influence on my life and that of my kids. She sounds pretty similar to your MIL and the way she treated us. A Christian counselor led me to the Matt. 12:46, where Jesus' mother said she wanted to talk to Him. Jesus didn't jump up and run outside to speak to her, he didn't even tell them to bring her in. It is perfectly ok, to tell your mom/MIL that because of her bad and destructive behavior around, and towards your family she is no longer allowed to be around them. She doesn't get a super special "I AM ALLOWED TO BE A JERK" card just because she is family. I think that you need to allow her a chance to change and be willing to let her back in if she does. If she was a teacher at Public School you wouldn't let her act like that, or if she was a friend you wouldn't tolerate it either. There is nothing special about being a mom/ MIL/ Grandma unless she chooses to make it that way by being special to the kids and family. I have a great friend who is a better grandma to my kids then my Mom ever was. Now that has no bearing on your forgiveness of her though. Forgiveness is a one way street. It really has nothing to do with your MIL, she doesn't even have to ever know that you forgave her. It is a grudge, hurt or pain that you hold inside of you. It will kill you, not her. Forgiving doesn't mean you have to be around them either.
I think it's also necessary to note that she had maidservants - note that - PLURAL assistants. She did not do all this work alone.
Well, I don't think Proverbs 31 is asking anything of women. It was a mother teaching her son how to look for a good wife, and not to be a "womanizer". I think they are definitely good ideals to strive for, but nobody can reach perfection on this side of heaven.
Aggie01- She IS a public School teacher, and...yea...she treats the kids the same way she treats us. She's not very nice. I subbed with her one time for some college credit and I was pretty appalled. Anyway... Thank you for your advice and opinions, it REALLY did help. I never looked at it in the way of looking good for my husband. He likes it, and that's all that matters, really. I dn't really want to strive for perfection, but use the proverb as more of a guideline. A reminder, if you will, when I just want to play on Facebook or when I would rather stare at the large basket of clean laundry than fold it..."She does not eat the bread of idleness"...Your right. Better fold the laundry. lol, you know? As for the MIL, if she were to really show that she's sorry and if she would change then I would be HAPPY and accept her into the house. It doesn't seem like that's going to happen anytime soon. Family was down for Christmas at his Mom's house. Family he gets to see once, maybe twice a year, and they were gone by the time he could get there, and apparently she said he just wasn't coming and told everyone to leave. He was pretty annoyed and so was I. I'll pray for her in the meantime.
