Publicly surprising military children -- why?

Disclaimer: I ask this as a person who detests being publicly surprised.

I have just watched my second tear-jerking video of the week in which a parent turned their return from deployment into an on-camera surprise. One was a father returning to his three year old daughter at a Christmas party. The other was a mother surprising her eight year old son in his classroom at school. Both made me sob, but then I wondered, why would the parents agree to do this? I know the kids are beyond thrilled to see their parents, but wouldn't they prefer expressing their intense emotion without a camera in their face? Both children were brought to tears (joy, relief, pent up worry and longing). Maybe I'm just a stick in mud, but if I were an eight year old, I wouldn't want to share my mom's homecoming with my entire school.

I know there are some military families on here. What do you all think? Is there a greater purpose to these candid-camera events? Is it good for the kids? Would you publicly surprise your kids in that way?

 

I was bawling at the video of the 3 yr old girl too. I wonder if the mother or family was just video taping it and then someone decided to hand it over to the news station because it was so precious. Not sure.

Personally, I am not one to want my children on public tv, especially not in such an emotional time. But I did watch that video several times over and bawled each time. Even dh had tears streaming down his face watching.

 

BTW..it was obvious that that little girl had a lot of pain and emotions regarding her fathers absence. I wonder how the family could handle life better while he is gone to make it less hard on her. Maybe not having her carry around a doll with a picture of him pasted to the front. You know how you love your grandparents, but many of us have grandparents on the other side of the country? So, we would still see them and love them from afar. Maybe if the situation with the dad were handled more like that. It is just so clear that this little girl has had a lot of emotional pain with her dad gone. I wonder if they pray for his safety each night with her and she is all worried about him and such. Teaching prayer is fine, adding to worries of a little 3 yr old is not.

Of course, these are all just thoughts. But for a guy who has been gone for 8 months, and her being only 3 yrs old, her reaction was pretty drastic.

 

I cry every time I see one of those.

 

As a military spouse who has never surprised her kiddos.....I think a lot of the reason that the soldier/spouse would do it is because you don't always know EXACTLY when they'll be home and if you tell the child a date/time, it usually changes....trust me....been there, done that and then they are more upset that Daddy's plane is delayed, etc.

We have typically met the plane at the airfield but not everyone has that option depending on the unit, military installation, etc.

And some folks...just like the surprise part. I've known hubby's that surprise their families when they come home for their 2 week R & R from Iraq. If my DH did that, I'd kill him (ok, not really but it would be ANNOYING because I'm a planner).

As for the tears, emotions, etc of the 3 yr old on the video (and the others)....those emotions are expressed whether its a surprise or not and whether is on TV or not. No child can really understand it or believe it until they see their daddy (or mommy) whether they know they're meeting the plane or not....until the boots hit the ground, it's not real

 

Huh, I'd never thought of it in that way before. I have to agree with Rhonda. You can't tell them exactly when you'll be home--that'd be even worse. If I was the kid at school I'd be PROUD to have my parent come surprise me there! I'd think it was the coolest thing ever! Then I'd, of course, expect to get the rest of the day off! I didn't see the 3yo, but, as Rhonda said, no matter what, she'd have had that reaction because they don't understand time and spacial concepts well, so it IS harder for them! To actually see and touch the parent is very emotional!

There will always be time for personal time together. How many people have watched those a bawled because it touched them? LOTS! It's neat for me to see the excitement of a reunion like that, and I'd be happy to share that kind of thing with others as well, since I know it's special for others to see. THEN get my private time with family when we can work on the re-bonding and lovey-dovey stuff!

Maybe I'm just strange though. Wouldn't be the first time someone thought that!

 

There are always camera crews at the hangars for the "big" reunions when the planes land too. Not as thrilling for the media probably as the surprise reunions....but either way, seeing the excitement of the kids, spouses, parents, etc.....doesn't get much better than that except to know they are OUT OF HARM'S WAY!

I actually get more excited once DH calls from Kuwait or Germany or Maine or wherever they touch down for fuel. Just being out of Iraq (or Afghanistan) is a BIG SIGH of relief!!!

Last time he came home from Iraq (yes, he's been more than once)....I had t-shirts made for the kids and I to wear to meet his plane. They had his picture on it (in uniform) and said "Our daddy (or husband in my case) is our Hero" with his rank and name printed under it. The kids were so excited to wear them to meet Daddy.

 

Personally, I know if it were one of us my kids wouldn't care where we were when there was a reunion of some kind. And with kids, you can't disappoint them and tell them mom or dad will be home this day and because you never know when your in the service what day for sure it is until your on a flight out. And not only that..I'm glad they get home however, whenever and how they choose to do it.

 

I think with so many people against having troops in Iraq and other places, having these stories on the news are a feel good story........ again....... most of the new is so sad in a bad way.

 

Actually, I was referring to personal experience rather than a news story....but I agree with you. I know from experience the "want" to tell them specifics. Many times I would want to tell the kids the specific date and then I'd hold out until it got LOTS closer. Then I'd tell them....Daddy "thinks" he'll be home X - X days but it could change....but we'll just pray Daddy's right. Fortunately, DH tends to have pretty decent info due to his rank and job titles while serving in Iraq....it's the one time pushing paper in a war zone is helpful....the papers tend to have more of a timeline :lol::lol: Sadly, I wish he only pushed paper while in the war zone....but that's never been the case.

 

As a wife of a currently deployed Army man, I, quite frankly, wouldn't care if he suprised me or not. He would be HOME, in MY (and my kids) arms. Plans change so much in the military that you never really know what's going to happen, so its best not to get the kids hopes up. It's hard enough for an adult to accept that things change...it's even harder on a child.

 

AMEN!!! I joke that it would annoy me if he surprised me but really like you said, it would mean he's home and out of a war zone....so who cares if the house is trashed, your legs need to be shaved, etc. You can do all that LATER!! :lol:

Tell your DH to keep his head down this holiday season! My DH missed 2 straight Christmas' a few years back and I know that it's rough on the family but even rougher on the soldier himself (or herself).

 

I understand not telling kids that Mom or Dad is coming home so as to avoid disappointing them if plans change. I was just wondering about surprising them in such a public way rather than just popping in on them while they watched TV at home. As I said, I REALLY dislike surprises, and I wouldn't like having that much attention drawn my way, but I realize not all kids are as quirky as I was.

My husband, who always sees the other side, just said that he sees good in these public homecomings. As for the son being surprised at school, it helped the other kids really realize the sacrifices military families make. If you didn't see the video, the entire school lined up in the hallway to cheer the son and his mother as they walked down the middle of them. My husband thinks that the honor rightly accorded to soldiers diminished after Vietnam, and that publicly acknowledging these military parents may help restore that.

 

It may just be that you don't like suprises. I really don't either, but I guess until you've lived it, it doesn't really make any sense. My son is 5. I can guarentee you that the second he sees his daddy, wether by suprise or not, he will be telling everyone. He may just go knocking on the neighbors door to let them know!

And I agree with your husband. A few years back I collected photos of the vets in our church. I called one who hadn't given me anything and asked if he would give me a picture. His comment? "I was thanked as I came off the plane coming home from Nam. I was spit on, and I have desire to repeat that." May not be his exact words as it was several years ago, but you get the point. NO ONE should put these men and women down because they fight for your right to speak out against stuff you don't like in our country and give you the right to change it.

Sorry, it's something that really annoys me

 

Thank you for letting your husband go for two Christmases!!

He is loving the Army life, and we will probably be going active duty as soon as he returns. He hates being away, but loves his country and that is what matters!

I tell him every time I talk to him to STAY DOWN. He probably wouldn't if all hell broke loose, but it makes me feel better because I told him to!:love:

 

If my kids were in school, I'd have Dh pick them up but that so wouldn't happen because I'd be at the airport with the kids axiously waiting for him to come off the plane. It's what we did for RR. He gave me a big ol kiss right in front of like 30-40 people waiting to go thru security and then hugged and kissed the kids. Though at first they didn't reconize him because he was in Army cammies and he's a sailor. I actually have a homecomming due soon and it won't be big like a ship pulling in since he's on an individual tour to Iraq working with the Army. The kids don't know that he will be flying in to where my parents live. They still think Daddy will be home in March but it's not so. I am looking forward to surprising my kids with daddy. They love surprises.

 

When he gets home, please tell him "Welcome Home" and "THANK YOU" from me. I can't wait until it's my turn!

 

Exactly...I have always done the same

 

All I can say is THANK YOU-THANK YOU-THANK YOU, and I know that isn't nearly enough. This is to both the soldiers and their families. I know how difficult it is to be away from your family and I just thank you for all your sacrifice.