So My children are 13, 11, 8, 6 and 2. I only hs the 6 y/o. The other kids are in school and have swimming 4 days a week in the evening. Each child does a few chores, but not too many. I have always helped with their rooms and putting away their clothes. I don't help often, but once every few months I will rip through their rooms and clean out garbage, old toys and clothes. My 11 y/o is a slob! He actually has fall leaves all over his room, because he wanted to make a scare crow and did it inside! He has leaves, garbage, clothes, (both clean and dirty) all over his room. For a month i have asked him to clean his room. I have broken down small jobs for him to do first, second, third, but he still has not cleaned it. Now my dd's room looks the same way, (minus the leaves). Am I asking too much. Should i offer to help? If I do help, then i will do most of the work and we will argue. Should i leave it and see if they get tired of it? We don't do allowance, should i offer one for a clean room? I know I created this problem, but how can i fix it?
The rule in my house is that they have until a certain time to get it clean themselves. After that, *I* clean it. And when I clean it, anything I see out and not in a proper spot goes into a bin to be given away. They lost some stuff early on, but now they keep their rooms reasonably tidy. My two are 6 and 7 years old. I'm pretty sure if they can keep up with all their mess that an 11 year old can.
I agree they are old enough to clean them. I did this also and it does create a monster when it gets out of hand. I have come to the point I am like Shelley if it is not picked up in a certain amount of time it is gone. I have made it where it doesn't matter what it is, if it happens to be his favorite shirt I guess he should have picked it up. Also take away there privileges. If they are not doing what you ask by cleaning their rooms don't allow tv, games, friend time, phone time or whatever it might be until they get their rooms cleaned and keep them that way. It will be a fight at first, but it will get easier if you be consistent.
We have dd (6) make sure she puts her toys away every night and her dirty clothing in the hamper. She will sometimes help me put her clothing away and I vacum the room (she hates the sound). She also has to make her bed every day. Now the 16 year old her room is a mess. We do occassionally give her a deadline and if it is not cleaned by then we clean it with a garbage bag. This has happened before so she knows we mean it. She will also get to the point where she can not take it and then cleans it with out us saying anything. She does not want us to come in with the garbage bag anymore. Both kids get an allowance and cleaning their room is part of the deal, so sd does not usually get her allowance..her choice by not picking up after herself. I definitely think your kids(ok except the 2 year old) should be cleanining their own room for the most part. Maybe what you need to do is work with each child and clean the room from top to bottom with them so they have a clean slate. Then give them a chart of what needs to be done each day. Let them know if you clean up for them they have no say in what gets tossed out or where things go. It may take awhile but they will learn. It may not always be pretty or perfect but there should be improvement.
I'm in the same boat as you........ the girls share a room and the boys share their room. THey are both a messssssss. I go in periodically and clean but the same day its bad again............. sometimes we have a "contest" a special prize for the set that cleans the best. (more carpet, less stuff shoved under the bed).......
We have been fighting this same battle for years. My boys are 12 and 11 and share a room. My 12 year old is a neat freak but the 11 year old is like a tornado. Everywhere he goes there is a mess left behind. He used to do it all through the house. But we have gotten a handle on it now. As far as the room getting clean I think it became overwhelming for them both. It had been trashed for so long that they didn't know where to start. So hubby went in and made THEM clean it. He sat in there and would help (not do it for them) them find a place for things to go and to let them know that NO that is not ok to be there. Example the big ball of hangers and gamesystem cords thrown onto the top shelf of the closet. Their room has been clean for 2 weeks now. New rule is that they don't eat breakfast until their beds are made and their rooms are to be cleaned BEFORE they go to bed. We just started giving allowance. Actually they will get it beginning next month. It's not for chores it's to teach them responsiblity. 10% for tithing,10% for savings and the rest is theirs to spend. And it won't be much. But the other stipulation was that they HAD to keep their room clean and do thier chores correctly. If they don't they will receive an invoice with their allowance and have to pay us for not being responsible. I think that a lot of this is my fault because I wanted things done a certain way so I would just do them myself. Not thinking that it would cause problems with them later in the way of responsibility. If you clean it for them it's not going to teach them anything. YES, it is easier but in the long run they HAVE to learn to do this on their own. My girls room is next on the list. We are getting rid of toys in there. They have WAY too many!!!! And they will clean it themselves as well. They are 8 and 5. When it gets like it is now, We get in there and start at one corner of the room and organize things. Clothes in one pile toys in another. And if it's too big of a mess that we can't get it done in a few hours they aren't allowed to play with anything from the room or play in the room until we can get it done because they will undo everything we already did.
My daughter is 7 years old with a room to herself. We take all the playthings and the clothes away that are not put away at night. She earns one item of her choosing back the next morning if the room is neat the night before. She has a huge bookshelf, so if the books are not put away properly, I do it and take anything else on the shelves away, as there is always some other stuff on them she wants to display. (Some things are never earned back, because I have to get rid of all this stuff somehow and because she has not seen it for a few weeks...out of sight, out of mind.) If I had an older child or children sharing a room, I might do things differently, but this seems to work pretty well so far for us. (As for allowance, we do 10% tithe, and of the remaining 90%: 50% saving, and 50% to spend, because I like to instill that spending only half of what is left after tithing and saving more is a good way to stay out of debt later on in life.)
If they don't they will receive an invoice with their allowance and have to pay us for not being responsible. Brilliant!
I've always told my ds', if they take it out, put it back where they found it! Everything has a home, return it to its home.
Yeah..keep helping them.. if you want their future spouses mad at you, lol. Especially the dils you don't have yet!
My sister told me on the phone the other day that she is still a slob and there are clothes thrown all over her bedroom floor. I asked her how she could continue at her age, she said that our parents never made her clean up her own room, they always did it for her. :?
well you got a lot of good advice here, but if it was me I would say it depends on how long you can stand to look at the dirty room before you enter?
I would help them one last time and clean the room WITH them (having them do most of the work) to ensure that everything has a place and they all know where things belong....and then I agree with others, give them a deadline to have the room clean and if its not done put it all in a garbage bag to give away or have them earn it back. Its important to be consistent and to follow through. I also was that kid whose parents never made them do clean my room.....and I still struggle with housework. I think its really important to teach your kids to take care of themselves and honestly wish that my parents had made me do chores (although I am sure I wouldn't have thought that when I was 12!)
I am getting ready to make my girls clean their room later today.It is just toys and clutter in there.I help by starting for them,once we can see the floor,they are on their own.
My mother's rule when I was growing up was that if I didn't keep my room clean to her satisfaction then she would go in while I was at school put EVERYTHING that was out of place (trash and all) in the center of my room in a pile. Then when I got home the whole pile had to be cleaned before I could leave my room, play with anything, watch any tv, or eat dinner. She only did this twice and I started keeping that room VERY clean!
When my 33 year old daughter was a teenager, she had the messiest room on this planet. She went away to camp for a week. During that week, I emptied all her clothes, in drawers or hangers, and anything else in the room, whether it was on the bed, under the bed, in the closet or on dressers or wherever, I put it all on the middle of her bed. When she got home from camp, tired and grouchy, she had to clean her room just to get into bed that night. Did it help, NO!!! To this day, she is messy. My son (13) is the same way. He would be as messy as her, butttttttt, he must make his bed and clean his room every morning before anything. Does he do it without being told NO!!! What is a person to do? Make him do it and then when he is 18 he is on his own. Will his wife be upset, yes. Is it your fault, no. They can see your house and know he/she was trained the right way.
I didn't read all of the responses. Sorry. I just wanted to say that at the ages they are they should all be able to take care of their own rooms except the littlest one. I would never clean my kids room for them. Now once every six months to a year I will go through their rooms with them and help them clean out anything old or not being used and reorganize. My dd12 is a total slob with her room. I constantly have to tell her to clean up. She always does because she knows I will take away her favorite thing, which is her dance classses, if she doesn't. Even my 5 year old cleans her own room. She knows that if she gets things out it is her job to put them away. She even makes her own bed.
If my dad had to ask for our rooms to be cleaned and they weren't cleaned, he would take matter into his own hands. He would go in, rip everything off the hangers, empty the closet, drawers, etc. and pile everything in the middle of the floor. That happened once to me, never again!
I would take him to his room and direct him every step of the way to do the cleaning. Sounds like confiscating stuff won't work as he is bringing in nature. I would give him a stern talking to about where leaves belongs..the outside stays outside type talk. Good luck! I have had to do this with my son but I can see his floor now which is great.
