Support

I bet no one will want to share this, but I need to vent. Do any of you other ladies battle it out trying to get your husband to cooperate where church and a Christian life are concerned? I get so tired of no support, while trying to maintain this as a Christian household. I love my husband, I always know where he's at, he's a good worker and provider, but geeeeeze! Back me up now & then!

 

I used to battle this, too, Becky. But the key is NOT to battle.

1Pe 3:1 ¶ Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

I had to learn this the hard way through years of nagging and discontent. It was only after I obeyed the Lord myself and led a godly life "without words" that my husband came to me and said that he saw Christ in me and that is what turned the tide in his life and our marriage.

Hope this helps! ~ Brooke

 

Okay, but how are we supposed to be Godly models for our children, set standards for them and teach them if their daddy doesn't walk the talk? When my husband gets irritated, the first word out of his mouth is the f-word. Many times it's aimed at me.
I absolutely and without a doubt believe God brought us together, but I also know he does not approve of this behavior. I just keep praying, because I know only God can move him.

 

Becky,
I will be the first to admit to you that our home somedays is the same way.

When my husband and I were saved we had two totally different experiences. It came as a result of an accident that changed our lives forever. He was so full of the Holy Spirit - he couldn't talk to people about his experience without crying his eyes out - I had never witnessed anything like this before. Some days later, when I was saved, I too cried but I was also scared of what had happened - I had no idea of what was going to take place in the future to come. I thought based on my husband's feelings that he would be stronger in his faith and I would have a hard time measuring up to him. He was so strong in his faith for a long time and then he kind of got into his old routine of hanging out with his cousins (who are a bad influence on him) like he used to (before the accident). He suffered multiple head injuries in the accident that have played a role in all of this. When he started showing signs of depression from the accident we went on another roller coaster ride. He began focusing on all the negative things that were happening (which he hadn't done right after the accident - much to everyone's surprise) and let it control his life as opposed to leaning on God for his strength to get him through all of this.

He carried on this path for months - he wasn't praying like he used to and on Sunday mornings, he often had an excuse that would work for him (ie I have a headache, my back hurts, I don't feel good, etc) and so he was inconsistently going to church with us as a family (and the language in this house was outrageous - no child should have ever been exposed to it). I continually said to him, you've got to let go and rely on God for all of (whatever) he was dealing with at the time. I got every excuse in the book again, "You don't know how hard it is", etc. Eventually all I did (instead of harping - because it got me no where) was pray for him and ask friends at the church to contiue to pray for him (he's been on the prayer list for almost two years because he's had a lot of struggles and they know he needs continued prayer). In February of this year, he told me "I'm going to do something that will make you happy, I'm going to publically (at church) re-dedicate my life." I asked him not to do it for me but to do so only because HE wanted to do it and to make the changes. He then became a part of the AWANA ministry (a youth ministry we have that is so desperate for leadership). He was praying again like he used to, but in all of this we still have struggles (sometimes daily).

All of this to say what? It's easier to be a non-Christian than it is to be a Christian and "walk the walk". We have three boys who have picked up on the bad behaviors (language and all) and they're quick to point it out to Dad - "you're not setting a very good example for us"... When you're walking with Christ, you're open to no end of attacks from the devil. He knows our weaknesses and will do whateverhe has to in order to get us to fall. I believe this is what was going on in our home and in many other homes too.

The "Power of a Praying Wife" that Amanda reffered to is an excellent book to read - I read it last winter and we see changes... but in the book it says not to look for God to change your husband but for Him to change you. At that point you will see changes in him as well. The best way to reach your husband (or somene else) sometimes is to be the silent witness. You know what behaviours you want your children to model so work on them reading from scripture with them daily and let them see you pray (pray with them). Invite your husband to join with you, if he chooses not to, don't get upset with him (just continue to pray for him). Let him see you working with your children, reading from your Bible daily and praying (I mean don't hide in a quiet place to read or pray - although somedays it is easier to be in a quiet place to be able to absorb scripture - I know). Someone had recommended reading in Proverbs and I will echo that - what an awesome book full of lessons on how we are to live and what to avoid. I do this with my children (somedays against their wishes) and it works.

I don't mean to sound like you don't know anything (I'm so sorry if I've given that impression). These are things we struggle with and this is advice that was given to me by someone I look up to as a spiritual mentor. I'm so thankful that she gave the advice and that I held strong enough to follow it.

I'm not sure if any of this is of any help to you, but please know that you're not alone in your struggles. We'll be praying for you and for your family.

In Him,
Brenda

 

Oh, Brenda, I know what you're saying. I guess I'm just getting tired of the same old same old, and that's where my angst comes from.

 

We spent years in a household much like you and Brenda. And like Brenda, things only changed when I changed the way I was behaving and started modeling godly behavior for my kids....turns out hubby was paying attention, too!

I've been fasting and praying for my family lately. I've specifically asked that the Lord do a work in my hubby and help him to be a man of integrity. I think that sums up the whole problem in a nutshell. He isn't anything like what he used to be, but I know that I have to continue to be his cheerleader and offer him support. What a wonderful, tender-hearted man! A far cry from who he was without giving his life fully to Christ.....that is the goal of my prayers right now, that hubby would be completely surrendered to Christ.

I'll check out that book, too. I have heard great things about it!

 

I just wanted to add that iI have heard many good things about the book Amanda wrote about. I havent read it, but have read The Power Of A Praying Parent by the same author. I seem to always find some advice or help in a good book.

Crystal

 

Hang in there!

Becky,
The absolute best part of all of this is that God knows your heart and the hearts of all of us who have openly shared our experiences (and the ones who haven't said anything). In HIS time, there will be change - when and where and how He chooses. Hang in there. It may seem to take an eternity making the changes that are needed, but He will provide.

I guess I like the book so much because Stormie is very personal about what she writes - giving examples from her own life (without all the graphic details). You can tell she and her husband have weathered some problems in their home and they've managed to work through them by prayer. A book is much easier to read when it is written from a real life perspective. If you have the opportunity to read it, I would encourage you to do so - it's so worth it...

Brenda

 

I have long been telling my husband tat a day will come when he is the devout one and I'm the rascal. I'll be glad to see that day come. Already God is working on him, because I hear swearing somewhat less, and even just his attitude is different. He's almost a flirt with me!! What a treat!