Here's an interesting clip. http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2010/04/16/dnt.bully.list.whdh?hpt=T2 Here's the summary in case you don't want to watch the video. A teacher gave her 5th or 6th grade students an assignment: "Write down the names of the people who have bullied you. Be honest." An eleven-year old young man appeared on many of those lists at the top of the page. He was then put on a bully list. He had to stay in from recess and report to a teacher when he did anything. His mother is upset and wants all teachers involved disciplined and the one who created the list fired. I felt bad for the child who had been accused and punished without a fair chance to defend himself. Then at the end of the article the reporter says that the boy admits to having bullied other children. Now, he feels he is being bullied and knows how it feels. So, by his own admission, he was guilty of the crime and therefore, by my reckoning, deserving of the consequenses. What's the problem?
Here's a text version, of the news article: http://www.telegram.com/article/20100415/NEWS/4150681/1101 There was an article in today's Ottawa Citizen about a woman who used to be a bully - who in fact targeted a girl to the point of driving her out of school - who has grown up to become a therapist working with bullies and bullied children. http://www.ottawacitizen.com/life/mean+girls/2923005/story.html Then she talks about tracking down her former victim to apologize... and it left a bad taste in my mouth. As someone who was severely bullied in school, one of the things that kept me warm at night was the idea that I survived and got stronger, but all those other children who chased me, spit on me, punched me, sneered when I walked by, tripped me in the hallway, etc... They surely grew up to be miserable people right? I don't want to hear that they are successful and happy, and that they learned and grew and became better people because they bullied ME. That's not fair. On the other hand... I could see a whole lot of people in Grade 5 putting me at the top of their bully lists, just to be funny. Or because it was one more way to hurt me. So no sympathy for the boy or his mother, but I don't trust the idea of making a list, either. I vote for more supervision and smaller classes, instead. Middle schoolers roaming free in packs is never a good idea. It always leads to barbaric behavior.
It is hard to learn who the bullies are in this manner because they can always right down the name of the child they like to pick on. I think the whole staff including janitors and etc. should be instructed to keep a close eye on the kids and report bullies. If action was taken quickly I'm sure the bullies would figure out it isn't going to work anymore.
I was bullied in school, and teased and taunted because I was "fat", but mostly because I had an Autistic brother. I still, to this very day, remember walking to the bus with my hand hooked around my brother's arm. This random boy walked in front of us, and wouldn't let us walk aorund him, he kept blocking our path and he said, "Hey, are you taking your retarded brother to the VEGGIE VAN?!" And he followed us down the hall screaming "VEGGIE VAN, VEGGIE VAN" Past the principle's office, past the teachers lounge, and past a large congregation of teachers in the hall. No one stopped to ask questions. It torments me that children can think that's funny, and go joke with their friends about it. My brother now has severe Epilepsy, and if that child only knew the life challenges me and my family have went through, and the fear we have now with his epilepsy I can guarantee that he will change his tune. Knowing my oldest son's submissive and shy personality I can only imagine that he will be bullied and picked on. It's sad when kids get enjoyment out of things like this. Making a Bully list isn't a good idea, and even if he did admit to it, you don't know exactly what he did. You don't know if he was bullied into saying that it was him. It's a little unfair, since nobody saw him doing these things to the other children, it's basically heresay. Watch him, yes, but take away recess and punish him? No. Even though he did confess, nobody saw him doing it.
I don't feel bad for that kid! He's a bully! His name was on the paper more than once. My DS was bullied so bad in school that he wanted to jump out a window. He is now in therapy because of it. If someone had done this when he was in school then just maybe he wouldn't have had to go threw all this. Someone needs to do something to stop this. Now this child can see how it feels. Maybe he will stop!
It sounds as if it were handled totally inappropriately. I've no doubt the boy was a bully, but that's beside the point. First of all, I can't imagine a teacher being so stupid as to not have an idea of who's a bully in her classroom. She should have a good idea, and should be keeping an eye on him. Second, she shouldn't be making the kids "rat out" on each other. Sounds to me that there was a problem, she had no idea of who or how or anything, and was too lazy to get to the bottom of it by herself. If she had handled it WITHOUT the kids' involvement, it would have gone over much better.
I think that was handled very badly!!!!!! Thankfully the child was able to realize that he was a bully, but I don't think there is ever a place to just dish out a punishment without hearing what he has to say first. What if he was being falsley accused?
Yep, it could have been handled better but….I still don't feel sorry for that kid, if in fact he was one of the guilty ones. I find it hard to believe that several kids would outright accuse this kid. Not one child but several. He should have been asked his side, but if he’s the one then he needs to be disciplined. The mother needs to be held accountable too. Mothers are always quick to say “Not my child” but I believe that treating people with respect comes with good values being taught at home. When I dealt with this with my son, I spoke with a parent and she was in complete denial. She even gave me a verbal lashing. Hmm, where does her kid get it from? I wonder? Teachers not having a clue what happens in the class happens a lot. Even more disturbing, how about a child telling the teacher who's picking on him and the teacher doing nothing at all. Encouraging it, like my sons teacher did. She told him and me that it was a part of life and that we should just get over it. Then she called him a drama “queen” repeatedly in front of the class. Of course the kids had fun with that because girls are queens so now my son was being called gay. The teacher though all this was hilarious. I think that kids should be encouraged to tell on bully’s.
I'm sorry, I may have worded that wrong! I don't like the idea of asking each kid to write the names of bullies down on a piece of paper and turn it in. But I also feel that kids SHOULD be encouraged to tell on bullies, but more one-on-one. If child A sees something, or is the victim, then they should by all means be encouraged to tell. But that happenes more when there's a safe, nurturing environment, where the kid feel a trust with the adult(s).
I'll admit that I thought the process was wrong before I heard the child's confession. It's just tough to think about "due process" AFTER you know for sure that the party is guilty. That boy is getting off on a technicality! I wonder what would have happened had his bullying been witnessed by a teacher, and he'd been properly read his rights. With these "zero tolerence" policies for bullying, I wouldn't be surprised if he would have been suspended. The teacher should apologize to the mother and son, but then the mother should immediately thank the teacher for her mistake which may have saved her son from more serious punishment and taught him a valuable lesson.
You guys are right. I just get touchy about things like this since I have had to deal with it first hand. Every time I hear stories about bully's and kids killing themselves, I think about DS and how he wanted to jump out a 6 story window. It may have been a 3 story window, but either way he wanted to jump because no one would help him. DH and I were his only advocates.
I'm touchy about it too. I have been bullied as was my oldest son. I have a hard time feeling for the bully in this situation but I also believe the teacher was way out of line in making this a class assignment.
I don't think this was handled approriately. Maybe if in a manner of stimulating conversation about bullying-but in a manner that targets one child in this manner...not appropriate. Might have been appropriate if the intention was to get the parent involved, but it doesn't seem communicatin about bullying, or with the parent were the goal. How unfortunate.
Oh and last year my 1st grader wanted to commit suicide because the kids at school were so mean to him. Turned out the teacher was focusing on him (in a negative way) in the classroom as well. I was put in the hospital, 3 times, for being white. I understand being touchy about it too.
Could have been handled better. I like the list idea (so no one feels as though they are tattle telling) But that list should have been used to know WHO to WATCH for future bullying. Not punished without knowing he did it or what he did. If someone's name came up once, it's probably not a true bully. But if a name comes up on several list, then that child should be closely monitored...
