My 7-year old won't stop tormenting our cats! Her version of "play" is not the cat's version of play. She throws fuzzy balls or food at their heads. She pokes them with their cat toys. When the cat's don't like it they hiss at her, and then she yells and hits them in the head. We've tried everything to get her to leave them alone. We've tried teaching her about how to play with them and still she torments them. So our last ditch effort is to do a unit on cats and teach her about them. Once she learns more about cats maybe she'll understand them and respect them more. Any ideas where to find curriculum on that suitable for a second grader?
I would suggest a visit to an animal shelter or ASPCA - they may have some things to help. Also can you contact your veterinarian's office? I am a vet tech and from time to time people would be looking for info like this, they may have some basic cat care pamphlets. (like new kitten/cat care packs) Also, Cornell Feline Health Center may have some stuff you could use I saw where they had cat care videos. I can't view them because I have slow dial up, but maybe you can! http://www.vet.cornell.edu/FHC/ Oh and here is Science Diet's Website http://www.hillspet.com/hillspet/catCare/catCare.hjsp I may have others for you but that is all I could think of at the top of my head. Have fun!
Poor kitties! I would teach her in general to be kind to God's creatures whether they are cats or dogs. Good luck!
I think I wouldn't bother with a unit. The issue right now is that she's essentially abusing the animals and that needs to stop. She doesn't need to learn about cats or how to treat them. She simply needs to know that abusing animals is completely unacceptable. I'm generally for positive discipline but there are a few times when that goes out the window. Intentionally hurting someone or something else is one of those times because above all, protecting the one being harmed is of the utmost importance. She needs that not only to stop her right now from doing what she is but as a model in the future when she sees the helpless being abused. I'd sit her down and tell her that what she's doing is abusive - that she is hurting the cats. I'd explain that that is NOT acceptable in your house and she has to stop it right now. I would also use a heavy tone of disappointment. If you catch her at it then she will be confined to her room for the cats' protection for a determined time. If she still continues then explain that you will have to find the cats a new home where they will be safe and honestly, if she won't leave them alone then do just that. They aren't safe at the moment. besides, that's a reasonable consequence and one adults face in the real world if they don't care for their pets. Abusive behaviour should be one of those few things where the whole world stops for a child and they should be made completely aware of how shameful and unacceptable what they've done is.
I agree with the fact that this is abuse, and it needs to stop NOW. Please don't leave her alone with the cats, either- for their safety.
Right now it's hard to find the right punishment. Grounding her doesn't work because she goes over to her mom's and the grounding ends. Mom is not interested in carrying over punishment, she figures she shouldn't have to punish on her day with her daughter for something at OUR house. Her father doesn't like punishing her because he doesn't get to spend much time with her and he personally hates it when she's upset. So he sends her to her room, she cries for 5 minutes, and then he's in there tickling her and trying to cheer her up. Abusing the cats leads to me sending her to her room, which leads to Dad going in there 5 minutes later and cheering her up. She's fine for that DAY, but then the next time she's over she's at it again. I'm just looking for a better solution and I can't think of one! They are MY cats (I had them before hubby and I met).
They're your cats?! That changes things a little. If it were me, the girl would be HANDS OFF MY CATS. MY CATS! Dad needs to get on your side and stop babying her after being sent to her room.
Can you also talk to her and ask if SHE WOULD LIKE IT if you threw toys at her head and things like that? Is there a counselor she can talk to? I just know that stuff like this CAN lead to other things and can also be coming from somewhere inside about something else that is going on. But you do need to remove her from that cats for their safety and even hers - they might just hiss now but that can change in a heart beat.
Lately Mom has been working a lot so she's been spending time with step-boyfriend and his daughter. She tends to act up when she wants attention, and I think she's seeking attention from the cats. Cats will ignore you unless you do stuff to them. I think she's trying to get attention from us too.
Forget my advice about giving up the cats - I didn't understand your situation - apologies. I still think isolating her from the cats and letting her know it's for their protection is a good way to go though. Your problem in that case though isn't her or you but your husband. I'm just brainstorming but it seems to me the message she's getting from him right now is that if she hurts the cats she gets, in the end, fun alone time with her dad. Misbehaving earns her a reward. He's got to be on side with understanding that time out in her room has to time for her to feel unpleasant to she can give some sober thought to her actions. And when she comes out, there's maybe a serious talk with him and you about how to properly treat the cats. That way you're right there to help the time remain sober but constructive. Maybe stick right beside him when she has to go to her room anyway and gently remind him that this is for her benefit and keep him from going to her. Best would be if he could help prevent the abuse in the first place though. One of the first things he could do when she comes could be a quick run down on the rules regarding the cats and what he expects from her (maybe her mom could help with that as well if she's dropping her off so that your daughter knows ALL the parents are watching her on this issue?) And then, what if the special time between her and your husband is when they grab the cat toys and play with and pet the cats? If treating them well was something she associated with being close to her dad that might go a long way as well to helping her. Just tossing that stuff out but if it sounds reasonable then before you start any of it you would need to have a sit-down discussion with your husband so both of you would be clear on the plan.
Yup. She hits the cat, she gets tickles from Dad. As I said in the other post I think that's part of it so maybe making playtime with the cats into special time she shares with you guys would help change that dynamic.
Good idea, family time with the cats! Usually my cats will "put up with" a minute or two of play, that's it! My oldest cat is past her play stage and prefers to cuddle on a lap. Unfortunately a 7-year old really can't sit still long enough so the cat does not want to sit near her. I'm going to pick up a laser pointer and teach her how to use that. My cats both love a little play with the laser pointer but the last one we had she broke. She can't poke the cats with a laser pointer, we just have to make sure she doesn't shine it in their eyes. I've talked with my husband about how he never disciplines her. He tells me I don't understand what it's like to LOVE your child and not want to see them sad. I DO understand because I love her too and I want her to grow up to be a loving and productive adult. What I don't have is the bond since birth, any guilt (I guess he has a lot of guilt) and I suppose I lack a little bit of mothering instinct since she isn't "mine."
I agree completely! My husband and I have a mixed family - his, mine and ours - so I know what it is like in your situation. Thankfully my step son is almost 18!! I have a dog not a cat. If my step son EVER laid a rough hand on MY pet, if he EVER hit my dog or threw things at it he would NEVER again touch it until his father did something about it. Period. It isn't cute, it isn't funny and it isn't something that she should be coddled and tickled for. It is abuse and if I were you she'd never touch my animal again until she proved to me she could do it with care. AND if my husband didn't do something about his child's behavior or underminded the punishment I imposed we would have some serious issues. Big fight on our hands for sure.
Yeah, I kinda have to agree: a unit study on cats isn't going to do anything to help fix this problem. This is a discipline power/control issue and needs to be dealt with as such. I felt my BP notch up a bit or two reading about your husband going in and basically un-doing your discipline. Can I suggest getting ahold of some books by Dr. John Rosemond? His traditional parenting advice has been a Godsend to our family. His website is www.rosemond.com. The longer you both allow your 7 y.o. to continue acting out like this, the worse it's going to get. She needs a firm talking-to, that this is NOT acceptable behavior, and then outline what she is going to lose for treating the cats so badly. Then follow through--and make sure your DH understands how serious this is! That's one reason I suggest the books, if he'll read them. Sounds like he really needs a third party to convince him that discipline IS love. Letting his child get away with cruelty to innocent animals because he can't stand to see the child sad...that is not love at all. That is an issue he needs to work through, for the sake of peace in your household. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but if he doesn't get a grip on discipline now, while she's still relatively young, you guys are going to be in for a heck of a time when she's a teenager.
Thanks for the books! Perhaps that will help. I keep telling him the discipline needs to be put in NOW when she's young or it'll be too late. She has improved a lot since we met a year ago. I'm a no-nonsense type of person. She used to hide if there was something she didn't want to do and that stopped. She used to also say "NO!" when she didn't want to do something. There's only so much I can do as a stepmom with not a lot of discipline power. I know he SEES she is getting so much better. Hopefully I can convince him to continue on that trend!
4-H has a curriculum on cats. I believe you can buy it even if you aren't involved in a 4-h group. It's not that expensive (about $15 for the whole set, 3 curriculum books & a helper guide). You can buy it here While it is probably for attention & stricter punishment from dad would deffinitely help, hopefully, learning about cats & how to take care of them will help.
WOW, that's great! I'm going to order that! I think I'm going to take her to an animal shelter. I also want her to see how many animals don't have homes. She's not a mean child, I don't think she REALIZES that she's doing more than being annoying. In addition, I don't think all the violent movies she watches help. Her father and mother let her watch PG-13 and R movies. She watches people get hacked apart without blinking.
Havent read all the posts but you may consider giving the kitties away to protect them from being injured. It would be difficult, but them being safe is very important.
This is what I used with Jeannie before we got her cats nearly two years ago. Right now we're using their computer books. As good as the cat unit is, I don't see it stopping this little girl. She's in a tough situation and needs attention.
I truly don't think that hitting the kitties in the head after they hiss at her would be considered just annoying, that is really unkind. With regard to the movies, either don't let her watch them or fully explain to her that violent behavior is not acceptable, ever!
