Karen.. welcome to teen years. I think we all been through those years ourself and we wonder how our parents ever made it. Just need to give alot of love it will work out. Have you or dh taken son for a coke and sat and chat with him and ask him what is wrong why is he this way? There is alot of changes going on in his life right now and he could be scared. I have a dd who is 19 going to a local college and she is this way from time to time. We sit and chat and I let her vent and then I tell her why we ask this of her and want her to do this and then she tells us why she can't or needs help with this or that. It all works out. Talking is the best things. If you can't have dh do it. If can maybe you can.
This sounds like a classic case of early adulthood trying to assert itself. He is 19, he's an adult, but still being told to do chores like a 13 yr old. I'm not excusing his disrespect, just sharing what I learned from personal experience, as a young person and as a mom. When my oldest was that age, I had to re-think how I related to him. It took me a while to realize he was a grown man(even though he still responded like a 2 yr old LOL) and to speak to him accordingly. But he still wasnt allowed to disrespect Momma!
My last year living at home nearly killed my relationship with my Mom, but long talks on the phone from 16hrs away were awesome! Always help him see that you are there for him to come back to talk to. I would agree with finding ways to give him more freedom. Maybe it's time sit down with him and make a written agreement, like you would with a boarder. We expect X, Y, Z, in turn you can expect these other things from us. Remind him that your chore expectations of him are saving him paying rent!! But trying to find ways to help him see that you respect the fact that he's an adult, may help him to show your more adultlike attitudes and behaviours! It must be a tough postion to be in. Praying you'll know what to do next!
Mark Twain: "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years." We've been through this, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Today, I have a wonderful relationship with my oldest son - but there was a time when I really wondered what would become of him. Once they get through this period of independent-seeking, though, everything calms down. It just takes a lot of patience.
