I would love any insight or encouragement you can give me. First I want to say thanks to all of you who replied to my other thread about my frustrations surrounding my 7yo and every day being a struggle with homeschooling. I'm sorry I haven't gotten a chance to get back to it, but I've been really struggling the last few weeks. I've limited my online time in order to bring new focus and (I was hoping) excitement to our school day. I'm seriously considering sending my son to public school. To the point where I actually called the school in order to get information on how to go about enrolling him mid-year as opposed to waiting until the fall. I'm so freaking conflicted right now. My kids getting a great education is a huge priority to me. Homeschooling is just not fun anymore. It's a fight everyday. It's frustration and tears (from both ds and me). He's falling behind, slowly but surely, because every day there is more fighting and whining and complaining and sulking and moaning than there is school work being done. I've tried so many different ways to make his lessons fun and exciting and interesting. I've tried rewarding and punishing, lecturing and heartfelt conversation. My housework and my other two children are being neglected due to the amout of time I'm spending having to directly supervise every minute detail just to ensure anything gets done at all. The second I'm not directly watching ds work, he stops working completely. I'm really worried that he's not getting the quality education he deserves from me. Maybe he just can't learn from me, maybe he needs to have it coming from another adult. I feel like I'm letting him down. The reasons we chose to homeschool haven't changed (large class sizes, secular education, lack of individual attention, peer pressure, etc) and I feel guilty for even considering going against our ideals... then I feel guilty for thinking of putting those ideals ahead of ensuring he's actually learning something, you know? Never mind the reactions I'm going to get from all our family who gave us SUCH a hard time about homeschooling. They were finally starting to see results and accept we were doing right by our kids, and now I can imagine the I-told-you-so's I'm going to get. I feel like such a failure Ugh. I really hate this. How am I supposed to know if I'm making the right decision?
(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) first you never failure. We all have our days. Boy, do I remember them like yesterday. yes, my youngest was the same way, if I left just to go to the bathroom I could beat money she would be doing something else when I got back. It finally got so bad I was saying the same thing, time for ps. But, I knew I couldn't do that to her. So, I started off saying we will start school at 8 am what time we will be done is up to you and when you are done is your time to play and draw and color which she looked forward too. Yea, we had a few days she didn't want to listen but when she got done school and couldn't play or watch tv believe it didnt' last long. She would have to go to her room and read and nothing else. I wish you nothing but the best, but you must remember you have to do what is best for you and your family.
Well my 13 year old went back to school this year for 8th grade and it was by far the best decision we could have made for her and our family. She is thriving both acidemically and socially. Everyone has to make their own decisions and some people will say they will never put their kids in school no matter what and that is fine for them. For us the best decision was to keep my youngest home and send my oldest to ps.
It is hard to believe, but I go through a lot of the same feeling that you do and my son is 15. We started our homeschooling "adventure" (more like torture) when he started seventh grade. Well, one reason is was torture was because I was trying to do things just like the school, just with Christian books. My son is not that type of learner. I still feel inadequate sometimes and I have to remember that my reasons to homeschool are greater than any advantages in the public school arena. Check out this website: http://www.homeschooloasis.com/article_chart.htm There is a wealth of articles that speak to so many different issues (even public vs. homeschooling) This site helped heal my heart and makes the feelings of inadequacy come less often, and less intense. I didn't start as young as you are, but I think it is a mistake to judge how you are doing compared to where other kids are. Some people advocate starting later. You may want to check this out also: http://www.moorefoundation.com/article.php?id=5 I think we all have the picture of education skewed because of how the system has been set up for so many years. It is taking a lot of time for me to get the system out of our home. I say taking because I am still going through the process (I don't know if I will ever be totally "there")
well it sounds like one of two things MAYBE> 1. he need firmer discipline, ie punishment 2. you are expecting too much from him. fun is ok, but at some point they have to learn it regardless of wether it is fun. YOU know that, but HE needs to learn it. When he complains about how it is not fun, tell him that doing laundry, mopping and washing dishes is not fun either, but it still has to be done. At the end of the school day when he doesn't have his work done, he can sit during his FREE time after dinner or whenever and do it while the rest of the family does something without him. I realize he is only 7, so keep that in mind. But he certainly WON'T be able to whine, pout, sulk, and have 'fun' all day at PS. The thing is too,he may not know that, maybe he thinks PS would be fun. Send him for a year or two and then pull him out. By then he will have learned to sit in his chair and do his work and that he has to do it even if it isn't all fun and games. I don't have a problem at all making school fun. We do fun activities and things. But I do think we sometimes tweak and play up too much to 'cater to their every whim'. The real world won't do that for our kids. I know, only 7, but still it INFLUENCES habits and learning styles and behavior, and expectations for later years. those first few years of school is when the child is learning what is expected of them and learning how to learn, formative years. Also it sounds like your are overwhelmed/burned out. Do you schedule time for just 'you' things? Move any 'extra' things out of your life that you can, and give away any extra household items that you don't really need and are just cluttering the place up requiring dusting. You might also consider homeschooling everyday, but less hours instead of say 5 hours 4 days a week or whatever. I know I decided we were tying to get too many hours into 1 day, so I spread it out to everyday-but just 3 hours or so. Gives me more time each day to cook, clean and stuff. You might consider picking one subject that you have trouble with, for me it was math, and passing that off to your husband a few times a week.
(((hugs))) I have been right where you are, ds was even the same age as your ds. We sent him back to public for 2nd grade. By the second semester, he was thoughtfully asking to homeschool again. We brought him back home and then put both kids in ps for 2 years after a move--6th and 7th grades for ds. He BEGGED to come back home...and he is now hs'ing. The moral of this story is........if I had to do it all over again, I would have NEVER put him back in ps. Ds has never enjoyed school work, unless it is what he is interested in learning at that exact moment. That is a personality trait that was the same at home as well as in ps. Having the benefit of seeing both sides of the same coin, ds is much better off hs'ing. At least I can give him the one-on-one time, but more importantly the spiritual education and encouragement that he needs. He is a very social guy. In the few months that he has been back hs'ing, he has started making a notable distinction between himself and his secular friends' ideologies. He became so depressed and beaten down in ps and it is like we have our son back again! Never, never, NEVER again will ps be an option for us. There were seasons that we believe God had us use the ps and now it seems that it was to make us--and our children--really understand and appreciate the difference hs'ing makes in our kids' lives, and ours. I started to backslide when my kids were in public. Hard to explain, but it was like I no longer had that constant accountability to anyone. Now, we are all back on track. Not that you and your family would experience all of these things, but if you can glean any wisdom for your own benefit, I'm happy to offer my mistakes for the viewing. :lol:
Try lightening what you expect. I did so little in those last two years. Then I sent my daughter back to school and she was STILL way ahead of everyone, it was insane. We did so little!! You would be amazed how much they learn from PBS, educational computer games, and free reading.
My moral of the story too is, knowing what I know now, I would never ever have my children in public school. What appears to be going on there is just a facade. There is very little learning, just a lot of hype.
Thanks ladies I realize I sound burnt out, but really it's just frustration and a lot of worry that ds isn't learning what he should. Lately, for the first time in years I actually feel like things in my life are organized and more in control than ever, actually. I've been losing weight, dh has been excellent about my taking time out in the evenings to go to the gym, etc. One thing we've always been very consistent with is discipline. I can't tell you how many days he's lost video game and tv privileges because he didn't get his schoolwork done (video games are definitely his "currency"), but even then he'll sit for hours and not get anything done. It's funny that you said "When he complains about how it is not fun, tell him that doing laundry, mopping and washing dishes is not fun either, but it still has to be done." because I had that exact conversation with him just today.
I had to get to the point in my thinking that ps was just not an option. I had to pretend that it didn't even exist. After that I just became determined to do whatever it took to make hs as sucessfull as possible. Bad days, rebellious kids, PMS, whatever it was, it was just life and life has to go on. no matter what your job is there are days when it gets tough. one of the things that another mom pointed out to me is that we've got till they're 18 to teach all this stuff. it doesn't have to all get done today! I'm a huge advocate of the "later is better philosophy"(check out a Raymond Moore website) Relax and enjoy your kids!
We homeschooled for middle school years only, and they all went on to a private high school. Our older daughter, in particular, was so nervous that she practically threw up on her first day. It turned out, though, that another girl was going through the same thing, so they instantly became friends. In the end, children have a remarkable capacity for coping with change. A few things comes to mind: 1) The principal and the teachers understood the situation because we met with them in advance. They were very sensitive to the situation and did little things to help. 2) We made sure each child completed homework the moment they came home. While at home, there was always some flexibility about completion dates, but that disappeared in a private school setting. 3) We got to know the parents of their closest friends. This was important because they would spend time with friends for much of the day and ask to spend time with them some evenings and weekends. We wouldn't allow this without knowing about the family and who would be there if they spent time at someone else's house. Looking back, they all handled the transition well.
You might want to look at the attitude toward homeschoolers with the public schools before you even consider sending your children back. In the suburb I live in, THSC has had to have a certain involvement because of issues. Plus, a couple of our school board members have been quite vocal even to the press about their very negative feelings about homeschoolers, spreading nasty rumors that causes more prejudice. One in particular was in the news on multiple occassions saying that all homeschoolers who have "tried" to return to the public schools were so far behind that they were a huge drain and burden to the schools. He claimed that when he taught, he could always tell the former homeschoolers because they always were clueless about so much and so far behind and it took hours and hours of his time trying to catch them up. With this kind of thing in the news, being said by school board members, it is hard to send your children to the local schools after homeschooling, or when you are homeschooling others, without issues. On the other hand, I know people who homeschool in other areas where their children have been welcomed with open arms and the schools really don't care where they came from. But if your local area is hostile against homeschoolers, you really won't want to try to send your now homeschooled child there. Not just because of the attitude that might prevail against him, but also because I think it is a sign overall of the attitudes of people in general there, hostile and rude and such.
My response to that would be easy: Our daughter ended up being high school valedictorian. Facts count for much more than bureaucrat opinions - which are like water off a duck's back for me. We had the full support of the principal and the teachers, but we took time to win that support. We also have children in public school and, thankfully, have never had a problem. I'm sure it depends on the state and even the town.
Stepping in momofafew and Cornish Steve.... Ds is gifted...ps pronounced him such in grade school. After being hs'ed and then going back to ps, he suddenly wasn't allowed in the program. His grades were mediocre at best and he received referal after referal to the point of suspension. Mostly for talking, and occasionally for talking back. They hated him and he hated them. I really believe that in another school, it would not have played out this way. Nobody in our life can believe that ds could have ever been suspended from school for behavior because he is not really "that way" at all. And I am the first mom to point out when her child is deserving of punishment (my friends call me on it often).
Thanks, everyone. Jeff and I sat down with Josh last night and had a big heart-to-heart. Josh knows I called the school to ask about the registration procedure, so he knows we're serious about his potentially being sent to public school. Of course, he gets upset at the idea (he's never handled the idea of change very well, though he handles the actual change very well). We made it very clear to him that getting an education is extremely important, and his job is to do his very best at learning and doing his school work (just like mommy's job is taking care of the house & kids and daddy's job is going to work every day to support us). He's also been asking us for more privileges lately, like being able to stay up later than his brother and helping to train the new puppy when she gets here and having an allowance (all things his slightly older cousin/best friend gets to do). We had a good talk about how, while getting older does come with some great privileges, it also comes with responsibilities. His #1 responsibility right now is doing his school work. We made it very clear that he has to be schooled. Period. Whether that happens at home or at public school, it's going to happen. So, Jeff is off work on Friday. Josh knows that he has the next 3 days to show us that he wants to be homeschooled (because that's what he says he wants), by showing us that he's willing to work with me and not against me. Otherwise, we'll be going on Friday to register him to start public school on Monday. That said, if we do end up putting him in public school now, I'm not opposed at all to the idea of pulling him out again at some point in the future. And my 2nd son will be homeschooling Kindergarten in the fall. Being a parent is really hard, sometimes
Angie, I'm right there with you. I didn't want to post before... because we are struggling here too, with my oldest. This is his 4th year at home, and now I think it's time he goes back to the public school. It has been very hard for me to admit defeat.. but hubby has tried to convince me I didn't fail Garrett, he is the one who failed me (he isn't a very easy child to raise... some long stories there). My hubby actually took off last Friday to take Garrett to the school, and I convinced him not to. Yesterday and today I found that I regretted that decision. This afternoon I guess I have to put my big girl panties on and go to the school (if I can find a sitter for the other kids for today, if not I will have to convince hubby to leave work early one day or something, which will cause him to get a point on his record )
Angie, I am so so there!!! I have those conversations with my 8 yr son almost daily about how he doesn't want to do schoolwork, but I also don't want to wash his clothes or fix his lunch either. It never works. I am right there with you today. I have been fantasizing about sending him to ps next year. He'd have to repeat the 2nd grade though because he spends so many days fighting, I'm sure he's behind the class. I wish I knew someone who had a kid like this and can honestly tell me how they worked it out and that the kid turned around. He's so sweet and well behaved until school starts. Then he turns on me! I wanna rip his head off and roll it down the street some days!!! I don't wanna give up on hs'ing him, or give up on myself, or take the easy road out. I don't think it'll be the easy road for us in the end anyway. So sorry. I know you need advice, and I have none to give. I just came online today to rant and beg for advice, and instead, I found you in my shoes. I feel not so alone this minute. Ya know? Dominique
okay ladies, let me my oldest had to go out to school to learn that I was a good teacher, infact a short time ago ( a half ayear after his graduation from private high school) he told me I was the best teacher he ever had! He also said it was good that I sent him out when I did, and that he didn't learn much at the private schools. Most of the education he learned really learned he got at homeschool. I say this both to encorage you to push your kids in public school, don't let them get by with " I have no homework so why should I do this.. or your not my teacher anymore" Keep teaching them after school. Invite them to join yoru younger sibs in projects and such to keep the educational learning going! If my ds had let me know he was not really learning much I d have pulled him back home, he knew this and totaly being a social kid needed the social education. (OO DID I SAY THAT? ) that he got. He had to learn that a retoric question does not need answering lol. So if I had suggestions to tell you about sending them back--- Tell them that a retoric question is a sarcastic remark not a question. Tell them to go ahead and stick up for thier teachers if someoen puts them down, even if it gets you suspended because the kid who puts a prego teacher down gets mad and starts a fight with you Lol Tell them that Just because you are in outside schooling does nto mean I am not going to teach you!
btw your kids are around the age mine started acting up, I made him pull the line for a year before he could go out to school.
