Hi Everyone-I am new to this site as well as Home schooling. My daughter is 7 and in first grade-so far so good. My problem is that I am so very annoyed at others comments about Home Schooling. Some people are just plain rude and come right out and force me to defend myself. I mean I would never say to someone "You mean you put your child in Public School" and then make a strange face-so why do these friends, aquaintances and sometimes total strangers feel the need for this. The worst part is my so called friends from church who encourage me to leave my daughter in a class/church club while I go have "time to myself." When I reply that she does not care to go to these things without me and her little brother they tell me it is time to "pull the bandage" and "cut the cord". Honestly, aside from my home school friends and certain family members I am about done. Any advice??
I think it comes with the package unfortunately. It's hard to be kind to people that say yuck to something they have no idea about. And if your kids don't feel comfortable at going to events without you, at some point sure your going to want them to feel out their own surroundings and have some me time for them and you but at 7 and I'm not sure what age your son is, I sure wouldn't leave her there by herself, church or not! But that's just me. (hugs) it can be hard, but good luck to you.
It can really bring you down when you feel that you are defending yourself all the time. It has helped me a great deal to post here and to find other homeschoolers in my area that I can spend time with. Having other people with similar beliefs in my life has helped tremendously. I must admit that I have changed tactics lately in regards to rude strangers. I don't have the energy to try to change strangers minds about homeschooling and generally the type that are vocal to strangers couldn't be changed anyway. When these people begin to criticise homeschooling I simply agree with them and go on to say how hard we have been working to ruin our kids lives. They normally shut up because they realize that I am making fun of them. Family and friends are harder to deal with. In my life we have agreed to disagree. They realize they can't change me and that if they start to question my life choices then I am very likely to start questioning what they are doing. Once I turned the tables on my SIL she stopped commenting on my family. I try to ignore it and hope it stops, but have learned to push back a little when necessary to make it stop. Hopefully it gets easier for you as it has for me.
I don't know what you mean by 'I am about done'? I would not let anyone's comments change my mind about homeschooling, if that is what you mean. I think you are talking about 2 different issues here. 1. total strangers making comments in public to you while you are out 2. acquaintances/loose friends that think they are trying to help, but probably mean no harm and do not realize they are offending you. and IMO #3 a 7 yr old that still clings to mommy (please don't be mad at me lol) I think the main thing with that is that people at the church may see you as being with the kids 24/7 and they are concerned that you maybe do not get time for yourself, which you should be getting! You say the daughter does not care to go places without you. Is she scared? shy? embarrassed? ? She should WANT to spend a few hours a week making friends, being with a group that likes to play or learn together. I can understand clinging to mommy at 3 or 4, but 7 is starting to get a little up there. Both of my girls when they were 7 begged me to go to Emily's house to play, or go to the childrens' church party before service on wed. It just seems odd to me that at that age, she shows little interest in making friends, or spending time with a church group, unless her mom is in sight? Maybe the people making comments can see that as well. And there is the old cliche about homeschoolers not being 'socialized' and they are probably just trying to offer more opportunities for her to make good friends in a safe environment. http://www.enterstageright.com/archive/articles/0106/0106collill.htm http://academic.udayton.edu/race/06hrights/GeoRegions/NorthAmerica/china03.htm Check out these two sites. The second one has this down toward the bottom part of the page... One in five high school graduates cannot read his or her diploma; 85 percent of unwed mothers are illiterate; 70 percent of Americans arrested are illiterate; 21 million Americans cannot read. Now, next time Joe Blow sticks his nose in your business in the check out lane, simply tell him that 20% of high school graduates cannot read. Nuff said, Then just stand there and stare at him until you burn holes in his face. That ought to work :lol:
As time rolls along, you will learn to let the comments blow in one ear and out the other. I think! LOL We are in our seventh year of homeschooling and it is a rare thing for somebody to be able to get on my nerves when it comes to homeschooling. After so many years I have learned to pity their ignorance.
OH...so you put the post here...I saw it on conversations. I agree with Patty...one day you will not care. However, I remember a time when I cared as much as you. So take it from me...don't waste your time caring. Some people are jerks. I am also amazed when others feel they can just ask you anything. Why don't you turn it around and ask how they can put their kid in school? That would shut them down. Or it may cause a fight...that's not worth it. Just offer them a cookie...act like you don't hear them...keep smiling...and offering cookies. They will get the point that you don't give a hoot about their opinion. A friend of mine choose to homeschool her son...when he was five he mentioned that he would like to go to school while at a neighbor's. The neighbor had the nerve to call my friend and inform her of this and ask her why she was homeschooling when her son wanted to go to school. My friend said,"Well, we don't allow our son to make decisions in our household. When we do, we will take his opinions in consideration. Thank you."
As others have said it gets easier to deal with as the years pass. I am on my 11th year of hsling and other peoples comments just don't bother me. It seems most their comments are made in ignorance. It is just easier for them to be rude than to try to understand. My dd was the same as yours she didn't care to leave me. She is actually still like that at 15. It doesn't mean she won't go hang out with her friends. She does but she sometimes just likes to stay with me. Just like sometimes I like being with my friends and others I would rather have people just leave me alone. Hang in there and remember you are not alone, there are tons of us homeschoolers.
Thanks Wow what great advice- Yes I am learning to ignore the so called "do-gooders" and strangers-and to be fair the family has been LESS judging. As far as me being "done". I was referring to done with these opinionated people NOT with home schooling. I think I should also say (here I go again) that my daughter does not necessarily cling to me- she is involved with several activities that allow her to be away from me (gymnastics, art etc) however, for whatever her reason, she just does not feel like going it alone at this church class-perhaps she does not care for the people, I don't know. I also do see what you are saying about the people trying to help thinking she is some kind of mis-fit or something but as I said these people are supposedly my friends and know that she does venture off on her own once in a while and this was actually brought up-"why can she go to art class alone not here" as if they took it personally. I do appreciate this advice so much and will be checking back with you when I need my fix of sanity in an INSANE world- hee hee. Thanks so much!
We hs'd from Preschool-12 and now I work at the local school as a teachers aide and awaiting my substitute teacher's certificate. I thought people would be rude to me but nobody has been, at least not to my face. LOL Stand firm with your convictions and when they say, "You are hsing your kids"?, you can say, "Oh my gosh and I thought it was strange that someone would send their kid to ps, imagine that"! Then offer them some bean dip.
I have an eight year old boy who has always been picky about where and when he does activities without us. He says that he isn't "comfortable", and I understand what he is saying, because I remember feeling the same way as a child. Some people take the "leave them and they'll get over it" approach, and that works for some kids, but it was a bad approach for my son. You could try putting the decision completely on yourself when people ask you why she is in the service and not in her class. I would say, "We like having her in the service; we think it is good training for her to learn to sit still and listen in this environment." When you phrase it as a positive thing, other may have a harder time making a negative out of it.
Someone probably already mentioned the Bean Dip phrase but I just wanted to chime in cause I wanted to pass the bean dip this week when someone asked mewhhy I had not just given my dd more kindergarden level work instead of letting her go ahead to first grade work and progress at her own pace as a little one. I said I would not have held her back if I tried and they just exchanged glances for a moment, Sometimes the whole concept of home schooling doesnt get to people and we just have to smile and ignore what is said or ... whatever about it.
Welcome, Mommyof2! Many people have commented on bean dip, but I didn't see where anyone has posted the link. Now, I've not read carefully, so I may have missed it. If not, be sure to read it: http://www.homeschoolspot.com/showthread.php?t=5712&highlight=bean The other thing that tends to work well is to let your husband deal with comments. I don't know where you are religiously, but if you're a Christain and are doing this out of religious convictions, all you have to say is, "My husband and I feel this is God's direction for OUR family. We will continue doing it as long as God directs us." And NO ONE can argue with THAT! (Some might think you've REALLY gone off the deep end, but don't worry about them!). As far as family goes, set boundaries. If they step beyond by commenting on how WRONG it is, or asking your child, "Don't you wish you were in a REAL school with ALL your FRIENDS?", you leave and refuse to discuss it with them. Let your husband field it all. You can even tell them that "My husband is head of the household; if you've any problems, take it up with him!" Eventually, it will die down.
My mom who thought we were crazy for homeschooling our children changed her mind when our daughter received a scholarship at a university and is doing great there. Now she tells people that homeschooling is a good thing and it WORKS. I know, that is a long time to wait for people to change their mind about homeschooling. My son did not like going to children's church. He did not like the bias feelings of the adults. Your daughter may be picking up on the adults feelings about her being homeschooled. My son did enjoy going to other homeschooled kids' houses to play.
well it isn't just hs that people are rude about. I once had a Dr. who during my sons appt. looked at my husband and I in shock and said "you're not...creationists!" I will give him a break in that I work with him and consider him a friend...but still. So I opened my eyes wide and said. "why yes we are! You're not an....evolutionist?! Many people feel free to comment on my ds height (below average) and my dd also (above avg) and the oddity of having short boys and tall girls. (let me tell ya, the kids just LOVE those conversations.) If I genuinly like and or care about the person who may have been unintentionally rude, I will try to sort it out. but barring that, the bean dip works well.
I'm tired, and haven't read the responses yet.. I will probably Monday, but wanted to offer some ((hugs)). I'm sure you have gotten awesome advice, but I will tell you what worked for me.... Time!! Over time you will gain an amazing confidence about the decision you have made, and when people say something you will hold your head high and say "We homeschool." and the person you are talking to will know right away not to mess with you, even if they think you are crazy. No really.. I know it sounds weird, but when we first started we had lots more people giving us crap, but now we get lots of "Oh" responses, and have even started to have lots more positive reactions than negative ones.
Sometimes, you just need the time to be done and only surround yourself with supportive people while you rebuild your ability to withstand them. Plus, a new church may be in order. I cannot believe I stuck it out as long as I did at that completely nonsupportive church I had been at for so long.
