Okay - I have a venting question....meaning, I think I just need to vent, but then also ask if you would have handled it differently: I am on a local church daycare board, along with several other ladies -- some retired pschool teachers, one current pschool teacher and others. Today at a meeting we began discussing the possibility of adding a Kindergarten class, if we could recruit enough kids to pay for it. I mentioned that I didn't think we'd have a hard time because many of the people I knew did not want to put their kids in public school and were unhappy with the private school nearby. The current teacher, a bit defensively, says "well, i just don't get why people wouldn't put their kids in public school. They have so much more to offer than what you can get anywhere. If you shelter your children they just won't know how to survive in the world. At public school, they learn that you have to get along with people -- all types of people. There is so much socialization they miss out on if you don't" To which I simply stated "I think many people don't like the "system" of the school. The same things you, as teachers, complain about." She went on to say "well, the system has nothing to do with what goes on in my classroom -- the extra paperwork and things the system gives us to do, has nothing to do with the teaching." To which I replied, "That is what makes you a good teacher." I quickly changed the subject and went on. But after I left, I felt somewhat attacked in regards to homeschooling etc. I don't think I said anything that should have offended her - but to me, her words were a direct hit at me. After I left i began to fume over the fact that I didn't defend homeschooling , but at the time I felt it was neither the time nor the place. But I feel like she was directly saying my kids are somehow disfunctional socially etc. What would you have said or done?
We all have a tendency to get defensive when someone expresses an opinion with which we disagree, especially if it's something close to our heart. For sure, I'm one who has difficulty keeping quiet in such a situation, so I would probably feel just as you did. On the other hand, what purpose would it serve to be vocal in response? Would arguing or upsetting someone help in any way? In the context of the meeting, almost certainly not - so in retrospect you handled it well.
She didn't actually come out and insult you, if you posted everything she said. Don't automatically assume something is directed at you, because that will drive you nuts! For the first time in 5 years of homeschooling, I recently had some misguided conceptions sprung on me. I explained things without getting all ticked, because these people just believed the typical nonsense you hear about homeschoolers. One lady had no idea I took Jeannie out to classes. She assumed Jeannie didn't get things like art, etc, because 'don't homeschoolers just stay in the house all day?' This same lady hinted that I must not teach Jeannie because of another hs aquaintance that seems to never teach. That one made my blood pressure go up. This comment took the cake-'aren't all homeschoolers like the Duggars?' What, lol, we have enough sex to pop out 20 kids?? Don't wish that on me!! See, it's misguided beliefs based on what they've been told. To me, it's our job to educate these people.
I think you handled it just fine. People don't like confidence. Not getting flustered says you're confident in your decision. When other people get bent out of shape, it's because they're not sure they really know what they're talking about. I agree that it wasn't the time or place.
I think you did very well! Did she know that you homeschool? Teachers get defensive when others are doing the job they were trained to do. I would probably bring up the academic advantages like one on one instruction, going at a child's own pace, offering instruction in areas the school does not cover, choosing a curriculum based on a child's learning style and needs, etc. What she said is laughable. Is school about getting an education or getting socialized anyway? I worked in public school with teachers as a specialist and there is noooooo way the public schools can offer more than I can. LOL, and don't get me started on socialization. I doubt you can change her mind with anything but results. Let her see your kids as they grow up with a great education and see how they are able to interact with many different people.
I can see why a public school teacher might have the tendency to get defensive in that situation, not that she should. I think she probably took it personally, even though you did not mean it that way, and you did handle that well. She is simply on the other side of the fence and because of that, what she said you could also take personally, if you choose to do so, but she was not attacking you either. What I see is two people with different ideologies on education that can grate against each other. As long as you recognize that for what it is, you should be able to see it is not personal.
I think also ground rules need to be in place for future discussions. While you were simply stating a fact, she appears to have taken it wrong. The goal of this committee is NOT to argue the good/bad about public/homeschool. It may be very difficult not to be drawn into an argument, but that won't serve any purpose. Maybe the next time, you can comment something like, "I understand your feelings. Right or wrong, this is how many people perceive the public school, and those are the people we're targeting in our marketing." That keeps your opinions about public schools out of the conversation. She can't argue with those not there. BTW, I think you handled it very gracefully, though she probably wouldn't agree with me!
I agree, and in fact that was similar to what I would have said. I mean what did you expect a teacher to say? She maybe proud of her profession and the work she does. Maybe she works really hard and doesn't like the idea of all teachers looking bad...so really this is more about her than you or homeschooling. Besides, I used to think homeschooling was completely insane myself.
You handled it well. Usually keeping the peace is the best way to go. If in the future she has more to say to you regarding homeschooling, then perhaps it would warrant you being more assertive. Many people feel that if you are not with them, then you must be against them. She probably feels that way. Our neighbors feel that way.
I agree..I find that frustrating. I have so many women who assume I think working moms neglect their kids or sending your children to school is evil. They could not be farther from the truth. I am all for choice and doing what is best for your family. One of the best moms I know works 40 hours a week!
I have a similar story along the same lines as yours. My family and I were at a shopping outlet yesterday. My 2 1/2 year old wanted a wallet of his own (just like dad) so we told him if he would tell us the price of the wallet then he could have it. It was a challenge for him to remember when to say dollars and cents, so the hubs got down on the floor with him and helped. One of my friends who works there asked us what we were doing. I told her the story and mentioned that we were homeschooling him. She scoffed, and said, "So he's never going to school? He stays home all day?" and the way she said it with an air of...oh you know...self importance and the look on her face. I got defensive and said,"Yes, I don't trust the public school system, and I think I could teach him better than the school system." She mentioned that she went to public school and I did too and I'm doing just fine. So we left on terse notes, but I find it hard to keep my coolsometimes when people criticize my decision. Well...they can criticize, but when they openly argue and disagree it makes me a little upset is all. You handled it better than I would have!!
Best response in a situation like that would be, "That's right! When he gets older we plan on locking him in his room and only getting him out when his grandparents stop by!" Say it with a perfectly straight face, and she'll wonder if you're serious or not.
I do not think she was directly attacking you. She has an opinion and it is probably just as strong as your opinion regarding homeschooling. Personally, I do not see any need for her to share her opinion during the meeting because it defeats the purpose of the meeting at hand. Your reply was more than sufficient and it put an end to an unnecessary distraction.
