UPDATE on our hard decision (DH and I) - your advice?

As you remember me from previous post about me and DH trying to agree what is best for our DS.
BACKGROUND: DH is strongly agrees that Public School is better than HS in general because of being DS will be in his friends. BUT our 5 year old is not average. He reads and writes fluently and performs 2nd grade math easily.

Couple of days ago i set down with DH and we both realized that we are BOTH at lost! He also cant make up his mind. We both try to think of an option and when come up with an answer than the next moment we lean toward another answer. It drives us nuts!

I am not planning to HS him for entire 12 years. My goal was to give him jumpstart at home. And so i did and now he is too advanced lol

I am planning to send him to 1st grade to Public School (we live in a very good school area). Its just hard to decide on K year.

I made a list and showed it to my DH. He said "its your call!"
And i want to ask your opinion.

The thing is that if i put him to PS. there is no coming back. I cant just take him away from PS because he would miss his friends. He is highly friendly and cherishes his friends deeply.

Public School

PROS
Make friends
Learn in group setting


CONS
High Student-Teacher ratio
School chooses curriculum.
May not challenge him enough academically
if we decide P.S wont work it would be hard on Landon to say goodbye to his friends.
P.S kids are sick a lot.
With evening job I wont see him
.
the 36 to 54 hours that students spend in school-related weekly activities make peers and adults outside of the home the primary influences in children's lives - not the parents.

Learning for the test

There is no "level" of student quality.* You get all kinds of kids from all kinds of families.* As a parent, you have no choice who your kid must sit next to during classes or who they will be partners with in gym class.

Rudeness and bulling



HomeSchool

PROS
Free to choose curriculum
Free to choose schedule
Small Student-Teacher ratio. Learning one on one.

Learning to learn (not for the test)

No worries what to wear
No worries when to wake up


CONS
Harder to provide social interaction

 

Honestly, I feel as if you are asking a question to a group of people who would recommend homeschooling. You heard the strong response in your last post where most were telling you to homeschool. I can't see that the opinion will change any here. You are asking a group of homeschoolers whether you should homeschool. Most will say yes if that is what will work for your family. You even set yourself up for that response with your pros and cons.

 

Looking at your list, I have to say you have already made your choice. Having a social life can't be the only reason to put your child in a situation you're not comfortable with. Have you connected with a hs group in your area? Between hs group, church, family and neighbors, my kids usually have to pick and choose their activities so we don't get too busy! One weekend, I even had to declare a "home weekend" because my kids had had so many sleepovers and b-day parties, that we hadn't seen them on a weekend in a couple of months! Does that sound like a kid with no friends to you? The old "socialization issue" has been proven to be a non-issue.

 

I think you very much have your answer in your lists of pros and cons...and as azhomeschooler said, you will get many more pros to HSing here, and many more cons for ps. That being said, I will play devil's advocate here and offer this suggestion...I feel strongly that were your son not academically advanced at this point, you would not consider HSing....that being said, have you considered talking to the special ed director at you board of education? In TN, you press hard enough, they are going to allow you to have him tested and labeled as gifted and enter him in the first grade. It would be based on an academic test and an IQ test. Just a thought...he would still be bored in 1st grade, but not as badly, and I feel it would be easier for the teacher to deal with supplementing his work. Just some food for thought...I encountered a similar problem when my dd was approaching K. She would be 4 during the first month of school, and the private school we had chosen wanted them to be 5 by June. I knew she was ready, so I took her to Sylvan for an assessment ('cause people tend not to believe the mama!) and the owner came out mid-exam and offered to start my 4.5 year old in first grade! So if it is a financial option, I know you could go to an institution like that and they would start him in 1st grade.

Good Luck!

 

Since your list of cons against PS FAR outweighs the pros, I think you have your answer. If socializing is a concern, find a group, join sports/cub scouts/etc... there are many ways to find friends.
However, like Emily said, if the only reason you want to school him is because he is ahead, I would imagine he could test out of K. Of course you have to consider the maturity level, too.... he may be old enough to handle first grade life.
Either way I am sure you can work out the situation to accommodate your concerns.

 

I don't mind being convinced to so homeschool I just need to be convinced and have no doubts in my heart. Good education is my goal. His k teacher told me that if he qualifies he would be sent to 1 at grade for some classes. By qualifying she ment if Boone else in his class as advanced as he is then that will be ok but if some kids are close to him academically then he will stay in k class.

If I knew for sure they will put him to 1st grade for math, reading and stuff I would not worry and send him to public k... But I don't like that they said MIGHT.

 

So then what happens when he gets to first grade, you have to hope they put him in second for those subjects? Take a good look at your list and you might want to search on here for threads such as, "Why do you homeschool?" and that might help you choice! Keep us updated.

 

It sounds to me like HSing would be a good fit... you could teach him at the level he needs and get involved in a HS group or church group, etc., for social time.

 

In my experience, I always go through periods of doubt. I'm not sure that there is a sure way to convince yourself 100% of some parenting choices. Don't let a little doubt get in the way of what may be the best choice for your child. Only you can know for sure which choice is right.

FYI, I always regretted sending my oldest son to K/1 mixed age ps at the age of five. Looking back, I would make a different choice in a heartbeat. I watched daily as that spark and love for learning he had as a youngster slowly wash away with each day of school. I know that isn't the case with every child, but that is what happened with him. It was like that inner desire to learn and do well in educational things changed to avoidance and disdain of "school work". It was a change in his thinking that I have never been able to get back.

Why I keep second-guessing myself is beyond me? *sigh*

 

You've got the facts in front of you. I think you know homeschooling is the best option academically; you'd have no doubts about the academic merits of that choice. Your doubts about homeschooling are based on the value you've placed on the social experience provided in a public school. I have not faced this conundrum, because I've never valued PS for its social charms. From my experience, I think the social interaction provided in school is artificial, often negative and does not correlate well with the situations that students will face after school. That is my view and certainly not one that most people (other than the ones here) would agree with. If you really believe that your child NEEDS the social experience provided by homogenous classrooms of 20-30 children for 35 hours a week, then naturally, you will be filled with doubt if you homeschool. You’ll be going against the norm and denying your child something that you believe he needs to be happy and healthy. Even though I don't agree with the views that are causing your struggle, I understand your struggle and sympathize with how hard this must be for you.

 

And socializing is not a problem either.

- Join a soccer team or baseball team.
- Sign up for Cub Scouts.
- Attend church events and outings.
- Go on field trips with other homeschooling families.
- Share some classes with other homeschooled students (e.g., art lessons).
- Some YMCAs offer PE classes for homeschooled students.
- Invite extended family members to get involved. Young children love the stories they have to tell.

 

Do you have a Montesorri school where you are? They typically have multi-age classrooms. My kids went briefly when younger and the classrooms were set up as k/1, 2/3, 4/5 and so on with two teachers in the room. Then, whatever kids were more advanced they moved to the other side of the room for that lesson. But they were still with kids their age for the majority of the day and PE, recess, lunch.

Also I agree with everyone. You're kinda asking the wrong people their opinion.

 

I'm not sure I understand why you are so set on homeschooling him for K if you plan to put him in school for 1st grade regardless. It appears you've already given him the head start you said you wanted to give him.

Is there some reason why you are set on sending him to school for first grade and up? I'm not sure I understand where your list of cons would change at all just from one grade shifting up.

As for socialization, find a local homeschool group and get involved. Look to places that do sports [for example, your YMCA probably has regional teams--- ours does--- or there may be Upward Sports stuff in your area, too]. Gymnastics, martial arts, etc. are also available outside of the school for your son to be involved in. There may also be art schools and such in your area if you look--- again, finding a homeschool group in your area would help plug you into all the opportunities you may be overlooking.

And don't forget that kids in your neighborhood and church [if you attend one] can still see your son for play; they'll just do it after school.

 

I really, really want to caution you against this! My dd13 has always been academically advanced. In 2nd grade, there were no other children in her class that came close to her abilities, so they moved her to 3rd for reading in the morning. It was one of the worst decisions we made for her! She was only in each class for 1/2 the day, so she never really connected with anyone from either class. And she ended up missing much of the fun activities because they were almost always done when she was in "the other class." She even missed the visiting author (which she was REALLY looking forward to) because her 2nd grade class went in the morning (when she was in 3rd) and her 3rd grade class went in the afternoon (when she was in 2nd). Neither teacher even thought of her missing it. The 2nd grade teacher's response was "well, that's just part of being in two different classes," as if my 2nd grader had chosen it! Ugh.

So, especially if your motive for putting him in PS is socialization in the first place, IMHO splitting him between classes is a bad idea,

 

If a student spends 36 to 52 hours a week away from their parents and you won't be able to see your ds when you work evenings, your child is missing out on the greatest socialization opportunity of all!!! Socializing with his parents!

Ps socialization is swapping an intimate parental relationship for a forced superficial pretend relationship with others of the same age. After all, who is your dc more likely to learn good manners and proper public social behavior from? You or another 5 year old?

If he is already advanced, peers of the same age aren't going to socialize with him, their going to ignore him at best or tease him at worst.

We all struggle with doubt on occasion. That's why I think adding a pinch of commitment to your child usually helps. Commit to doing the best you can for your ds with the info you have available at this point. I think you already have the info needed to make the best decision for him.

 

IMO this one con outweighs everything else. Kids need their moms!

I have to agree with the others-I think homeschool is the best option(but you already knew we'd say that ). But, you know your son best and have to make the decision YOU think is best for him.

 

I want to also make a comment about him being in K but "being pulled" to do some 1st grade academic classes. My ds went to public school this year for 2nd grade...I went to the school weeks before in the summer to share my concerns about his being advanced in math, and was promised that they were planning on back to back math times between grades so that bright or struggling students could move up or down a grade level as needed.......this never happened and my ds finished the year with a 100 yearly math average, (which in my opinion, should never happen if a child is learning anything new!) I find they sometimes put forth a face of "oh, we'll accommodate YOU, and work at your child's level...when in reality, in our state, they can teach NOTHING if it is not on the state standards. I would ask for specifics....how many kids moved up a level for academics? Then I would ask how their report card would be modified to reflect this? In ps MANY kids start out academically advanced, then the others "catch up" by 2nd or 3rd grade....ask any ps teacher and they will tell you that....WHY does that happen? Is it because the advanced student has lost the ability to advance?? No, it's because they WILL NOT be challenged in public school. Just wanted to throw that view out there, having learned the hard way!

 

Thank you guys so so much!!! I am more informed now. We have time till aug 18. I know it will be here before we know it.

 

I also just wanted to add you can ALWAYS CHANGE YOUR MIND!

So he's social. So what? My ds is social as well. And he DID miss his friends when we pulled him. Again, so what? He still gets to talk to them, and really he's been told he can see them but he chooses not to. And no way did the friends outweigh his mental health and happiness. He's still social- and has far more people to be social WITH.


That isn't a good enough reason to stick with any decision. You cannot, imho, make a decision today and think that it will have to be forever. It won't! Kids do a LOT of changing from 5 to 18.

 

That's a hard topic. My son was very advanced and his first grade teacher arranged for him to go to the 2nd grade room for math. Although he enjoyed the math, he didn't like that he had to leave his room and go somewhere else - it made him "different" and he didn't like that. He just wanted to be normal like everyone else.

For gifted kids, it's a tough subject - they know they are different, but don't understand why. By having him go to another classroom it just confirmed that he didn't fit. Don't get me wrong - he was well accepted and all that, but he knew he was different. You also have to consider social issues of being the youngest in the room - some kids can handle that and others can't.

In 2nd grade, the teacher had a group of three advanced kids, so she was able to keep my son in her room - that was magical! He loved that he was working on 3rd grade math with the others and yet didn't have to leave the room! He FIT!

So - do you really want your son to have to leave his group every day? There are advantages and disadvantages to it.