I'm praying for you, too, Kim! I'm praying for wisdom for you on what to think and say and do. And I'm praying for your emotions and that God would give you strength each day to do the things you need to do. I'm reminded of a book by Dobson--something about tough love, how in strained relationships, sometimes it's best not to show your loved one how much you're hurting, especially if the other person doesn't care. At first it might seem counter-productive, (because your goal is honesty), but a cool heart won't feel pity or understanding toward you. The idea is that, as you appear to be able to cope with the emotional distance between you and display strength on your own (with God), it changes the dynamics of things. In God's sight, you two are one. As you appear to walk on in your life, (at least emotionally) somewhat without him, the magnet of your marriage may cause him to be the one running to catch up. Dear one, I'm not necessarily recommending this to you. It's just a theory from someone other than myself, and others will surely have better thoughts than this. 'Still praying...
Kim, I can't say enough how sorry I am that you have to deal with this. You husband is a louse. Pure and simple. So's that broad. I'm sorrry, I wouldn't waste one more minute on him. He even takes your daughter around her. I'd look into a program that helps women who start over after divorce.
Well here's an update. He called from work yesterday a couple times. The last time he called I asked if I could talk to our friend- someone who we have over for dinner every now and then. Very nice guy, very honest, doesn't have a clue what's going on between us. Asked him what dh does during lunch breaks. He said usually he goes to the gym or he just hangs out in the office. I asked said friend if dh goes over to the officers club a lot and he told me maybe once in a while. Said friend and dh hang out a lot together at work so I know I can trust him. He asked if I was okay and what was going on and I told him about this girl. And he said "Oh her! Don't worry about her. We just go over and talk about food every now and then, there's nothing fishy going on." I told him about Sat and dh and I talked about that some more last night. He said he felt bad not taking the dinner invite to McDonald's because dd was hungry, her kids were hungry, and the kids were all having so much fun and since McD's was on the way home he agreed to go. He told me last night he MIGHT go over the O club once a week, but there was NOTHING between them. And after taking to our friend, I believe him. He did say he understands why I'd feel that way. But he doesn't like hanging out with many guys in the office because they don't have the interest in food he does- he's a welding instructor, and it's his way of getting away from the shop talk. We are going to start going to our pastor next week. Tried to get in for Friday but I want to make sure I'm completely well. He knows I'm not going to tolerate this. A good friend also said maybe moving will help too. I know he's bored here. He hates his job. Well doesn't hate it, but he doesn't enjoy it either. He's wanted back on a ship for years because that's what he loves- apart from cooking. I asked him what HE wanted out of this marriage, if he just wanted it to be over and if it was worth working on it. He told me he couldn't leave me but understood if I wanted to. He wants to work on us and make this work. He wants to figure out why he gets in this cycle and keep things from getting "stale". So we'll see. I felt much better after talking to our friend and like I said, he didn't have a clue what was going on here and wouldn't lie to me. Just not him- not the type to cover up for someone. If anything if there was something going on and I'd asked him, he'd probably have told me up front lol. Thanks for the prayers ladies.
Oh, dearest Kim. I am praying for you and your husband. My heart aches for you. I am also praying for you to have the strength to say what needs saying and to act when action is needed. Thanks for letting us pray for you.:angel:
I am glad that you are feeling better, looks like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is very kind of you to be concerned about being well before going around others. If others felt that way we would not be getting sick. If I even feel like something may be coming on I stay home. I was in the house for two weeks with this last bout of stuff. So anyway, glad you are feeling better and you are a sweetie for caring about others. Huggs!
That is a good sign that he is willing to work on it~if he is willing that means there is hope. Pray that God will open his heart even more and especially to be receptive to yall's pastor's advice and to be more in tune with your feelings and needs. God Bless!
Kim I feel very sorry for the fact that you are having to deal with this but I am going to be very blunt. You're husband is being a jackass. I don't care what he says - what he is doing is wrong. If I were in your position I wouldn't give a damn if my husband had actually done anything physical - in my mind what your husband did is cheating. I would never in a million years be okay with him confiding and spending time with another woman. That is cheating! And he may be looking you right in the eyes and telling you a lie. If my husband came home and told me what yours told you mine would probably be burried in my backyard by now - or at least in the hospital - or at least kicked outta my house and I'd probvably be in jail for assualt at the very least. And there is no way on God's green earth that he would take my child around that lady - not one minute let alone all dang day and then dinner - and live to tell about it. As far as the friend goes - don't be so quick to trust. I am very very very good friends with my hubby's best friend but I know where his loyaly lies and if it came down to dh or me - it would be dh. Same goes for my best friend. My husband is very very very close friends with my best friend but she cuts for me first. She always has my back no matter what and if I did something behind my husbands back she'd never tell. She'd talked him into believing what she said. Just take that into consideration when listening to y'alls friend. Where does the loyalty lie? I hate to say it because I know you guys are moving and building and have a lot going on right now but it sounds to me like you are getting played big time. Now with all that being said - I wish you nothing but the best and you will be in my prayers.
Thanks for the words. I have to say I find it all a bit harsh but that's okay. My trust lies in God and until I'm lead to do otherwise, we will work this out. His friend isn't just his friend, he's my friend. My best friend is the same to dh. She's just as honest with him, as she is with me. If we only meet with pastor once, and he doesn't go back, I'll have my answer as to how hard he wants to work on this.
I didn't mean to make you upset. I know it's harsh but it wasn't meant to be rude or anything like that. In my mind what your husband has done is way harsher than anything anyone could say to you. My words are just my thoughts on this situation and my point of view from the way I see things. I truly hope it works out for you guys.
Well I KNOW him, seriously, I can read him like a book which is how I felt things weren't right. He can't look me in the eye if he has something to hide. He's never been able to do that. He'll either look away or just stare off into space and not even say anything. It's okay. My best friend told me to leave the option of leaving up to him if it came to that. To enjoy my new house when that time comes and enjoy "living off of him" lol. Of course she said that with humor and love. She only wants whats best for both of us, but mostly what's best for dd and the baby coming. He hasn't seen this gal every day, or even every other day for that matter. That was my misconception and paranoia which is only natural. Was I not pregnant, I probably wouldn't have jumped to THAT particular conclusion. The girl does have talent and he's just trying to learn everything he can food wise when he has the chance. I get that. I do plan on inviting her over for dinner when I'm feeling better. He has another friend- female, but she is my friend too. I felt the same way about her till I actually met her and her husband. She's like his big sis. Not trying to cover for him or make up excuses for him. But I don't believe divorce is what God has planned for us. God never gives us more than we can handle and I've been through worse than this.
I have been out of step with all the prayer requests lately...so sorry for getting to this late. I believe that God will bless your marriage if you both work to keep it together. I believe it is God's will that a marriage survive. I don't think you are making excuses for your dh. I think you are a devoted wife and a woman who takes her family to heart. God bless you!
Me, too. I admire you for being so devoted to making marriage work. Now, I do think that if the relationship makes you uncomfortable, your dh should stop it- out of respect for you. I believe that married people have to be very careful with relationships with the opposite sex.
Hate to be so blunt, but: Stay married until the 10 year mark if possible then you will be able to get some of his retirement later if the marriage fails. Read up on and consider getting with a company like "lifelock" or "myfico" and have your credit bureau accounts have the fraud alert measures put on. This will make it so you have to be notified before a new credit line can be created in your name etc. This way no new credit that you don't know about can be started. Get a baby sitter and go to the "club" and see what is up. Start making preparations financially for the worst. THis is not wrong. He is giving you reasons to do such. If nothing is wrong, then you will have extra savings. Keep praying.
Well for one his credit doesn't effect mine because I'd have to sign to have my name put on his credit- in fact when we had our credit run to build the house, none of his credit stuff is on mine and vice versa. I'm not worried at this point. I appreciate all the prayers and support. I'm learning through this and Christmas to depend on God and not try to fix things myself. I have a little money in my account- and only my name is on it. I have a place to stay if need be. But really don't feel that's necessary at this point. He's not sleeping on the couch, we're talking, the girl I'd mentioned isn't someone he was talking to on a regular basis. He already knows if he does pull anything like that I'm gone because I will not put dd or myself through that. He knows I won't stay somewhere without family so he'd have to figure out how to see the kids. But like I said, I don't think even thinking about any of that is necessary at this point nor is it a benefit.
