I know we have all been there, but this is not "one of those days". My ds is terrible all the time. If he has a good day, then that is unusual. He is not capable of doing ANY work on his own. If I walk away from him to do something for my younger kids, or to go to the bathroom, or to check my email, then he will not do a bit of his work. I have to be sitting next to him for every second of this work. He is almost 11 years old for crying out loud! Today he woke at 7:30. It is now 10 and he has done 6 math problems. That is all! I went up to the play room and asked him to bring 3 different books. He heard me. 20 minutes passed. I called down to him to get a move on and he brought up his math book. I did not ask for the math book. He talked me into starting the math instead of what I had planned to do. I explained the lesson. He does Saxon, so it is a lot of repeat work. I have cut his math work in half and only make him do the odd numbers. I sat with him for 15 minutes and he did 6 problems. I got up to feed the younger kids and when I returned 20 mins later, he had not done one problem! When he was in school he did his work without problems. He does this every day. He procrastinates so much that by 2 I am too tired to argue any more. He will disapear from the table and I will look for him. He will be playing outside with the neighbor kid. I will either flip out and send him inside to complete something else, or I will feel bad that he has not seen any other kids his age and let him play. I can't do any fun themes or experiments, because he can't even do the few things I give him first. If I do do an experiment, he will refuse to do any writing for it and will claim that since I took so much of HIS time up with the experiment he should not have to do any other work. HELP! I am ready to throw him back in to school and let them deal with it. I should not have to listen to his crying and yelling all day long.
What do you do to discipline him? Everyone has to learn that some things must come first, and, usually, work is done before play. If he gets an allowance, then I'd start taking money off it until his attitude changes. If he has games, toys, etc. that he particularly likes, then I'd take those away until I saw an attitude improvement. A combination of punishment and rewards would be good here. Above all, pick a disciplinary system and be consistent in it. If he doesn't get to play with friends, he needs to be made to understand it's because HE wasted his free time by sitting around. Work comes first. Once the work's done, any time left is his for friends/games/etc. I had a friend who used a timer system. She set each subject a certain amount of time. If her child hadn't finished when the timer went off. The work was set aside to do at the end of the other lessons. That made it perfectly clear that her child was wasting her own free time; if there were no lessons set aside at the end of the last subject, the child's time was her own. Otherwise, the undone work was picked up and worked on until finished.
How long has he been out of ps? Outside of 'school' do you have these behavioral issues? There might be something bigger here than 'school'.
I agree. It seems like it is a behavior and discipline issue more than a school issue. If it were me I would be hard on him. Very hard. He is way too old to behave like that and he needs to know you are in charge because right now he is calling the shots.
Absolutely, I'd say it was discipline. How does your husband feel with homeschooling? Will he back you? If so, tell your son that you are not going to argue with him. Go over the math, give him a reasonable time to do it in. Tell him that if it isn't done in that amount of time, he will do it later as "homework". He will not be able to play or go ANYWHERE (ie: sports practice, etc.) until his homework is DONE. Move on to the next subject, and again give him a fair amount of time to complete it. Then when Dad gets home, he can help supervise. If he goes outside to play without completing his work, you ground him or take away computer or whatever.
Robin - Lots of ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to you! Now, take a deep breath, grab a chocolate bar and relax. I am no way discounting discipline being a big factor in this, but I don't want you thinking you're parenting/character is being attacked. Having a large "brood" myself, there is another factor that needs to be taken into consideration. It's the personality of the child. I have one that when he came into the world, he came in screaming and never stopped. After several children that were peaceful and content, this one is the one who keeps me on my toes and always working on my parenting techniques. I can tell you, possitively, that what works for one, doesn't work for all. So you may have to adjust for him. Also, by having a "brood" I realized (rather late) that they really need one on one time. My son was doing the same stunt as yours of seeming to not complete anything unless I was with him. Since so many required my time during school hours, I couldn't allow that to continue. The suggestion of timed subjects is what really worked for us. If he wasn't completing his math in the allowed time, it was set to the side and had to be completed at the end of school. After a few days seeing the others go off and play outside, with their friends, etc. he started catching on. (Not that we don't still struggle some days, but you get the idea.) Also, video games are only allowed on weekends and special occasions, and even then they have to EARN it. I know the frustration you are feeling of there is just so many, so much to do and so little time. You just get tired of fighting. It's easy to give in to give yourself a little peace. Because you know what a volcano it can be sometimes and it's just aggrivating. We all do it sometimes. But, with my child's personality, I create my own monster if I don't keep a firm hand on it and also give him one-on-one attention. It can be as simple as he's the one that gets to go on errands with me or help me make cookies. I try to do this with each one. The little things do matter. And remember, each day is a new day! Hang in there! (((((hugs))))))
Ok - my question.... was he ALWAYS like this? Or is it a recent event? Reason I ask is my son has had a switch thrown on somewhere in his brain and it's making him miserable to get to do work. After talking with MANY moms - we came up with a common issue when boys start getting that first testosterone "kick" - so we have named it "male PMS" Unless my son WANTS something - school is a headache. My husband thinks it's funny to draw pictures of a school bus and pass it in front of my eyes I have found that the timer thing seems to be working. In the last week we have gotten a TON of stuff done because of an actual schedule. I even scheduled breaks and then housework gets done during those times - woo hoo! I haven't had to implement the "if the assignment isn't done it gets done after the rest of the stuff" yet, but it might work. Good luck - I'm right there with you!!!
Yeah it could be a discipline problem, but my take is a bit different. I would sit him down and ASK him what it is he would like to accomplish this year. Maybe his personality would mesh better with a different homeschooling approach. Let him have a say in how he wants to schedule his day. Give him a piece of paper and a pen and have him write down a list of everything he likes to do. You can incorporate that into your academic work. I think he might be feeling overwhelmed and stifled right now. I have always been an unschooler, having allowed my kids tons of academic freedom. Dd (12 now) loved making her own schedules that I would facilitate for her and provide her her with the guidance and tools she needed. Every 6 months we would sit down and re-evaluate what she wanted and how we would go about it. This past year, she requested a more structured program. She knew what she liked and we chose a curriculum that she said was perfect for her (incorporating a lot of what was on HER list, lol). And we've been following it for 2 months now. Since using a curriculum is still so new, she prefers I sit with her through most of it. She's not very keen on a workbook for math, so we got Teaching Textbooks (she chose this herself after trying samples of different programs), which is done with a CD Rom on the computer (much better fit and she does it alone). Right now we do a lot of the academics together, but I can see that by the end of the year she'll be doing most everything on her own. So my suggestion is to involve your ds in the schedule-making and the approach he may prefer, include more of the activities he enjoys doing (e.g. do a nature study with your notebooks, field guides, and magnifying glass, but let him bring his skateboard). Loosen up, try new things, and communicate when things aren't working. You'll be surprised at how things change for the better.
I can usually tell immediately if my 11 year old is gonna act like that when he gets up. I make him stand in the corner until his attitude improves, then I make him clean something (cleaning rabbit cages can cure many attitude problems!) and then I make him do all the work that was scheduled. Yes, it is annoying and ruins my day, and no it doesn't work right away, and no he doesnt' retain the lesson for more than a few weeks before we have to repeat it, but he's getting there!
ColoradoMom, I think we stole your idea from an earlier post about cleaning up attitudes, so I'll just say...scrubbing toilets and toilet bases can go a long way if you don't have bunnies! Good luck Robin. My oldest is only 7 so any advice I give would be strictly theoretical, LOL. One that really clicked to me was the question about how long he'd been out of school - did you take time to deschool? Does he need a little more? Never experienced that, but I hear it makes a difference.
LOL about the toilets and rabbit cages! I don't have any advice to add to the others. I just wanted to say that I'm stealing the timer idea, more for my 6 y.o. than my 10 y.o. The older boy is pretty good about getting his stuff done so it doesn't eat into his free time. Or, if he is dawdling, it usually just takes one reminder and he's back on track. But my younger one...TOTALLY different personality, totally different motivation. He doesn't have a whole lot of "bookwork" but I think the timer system could work well for him. He is always either being a total wiggleworm, or dawdler. Thanks for the idea!
Ok - I know - but I have TOTALLY odd children who LOVE cleaning the bathroom. I don't understand it at ALL. LOL I like the having some control over their schedule thing!! That may be a good idea.
We have two young boys, 5 and 3, so cleaning the toilet includes, er, mopping up spills. <ugh> But you can send your kids over ANYTIME because I HATE cleaning the bathroom!
Find what your child hates (whatever that may be) and make him do it when he doesn't listen or do his work. Great idea! I make my dd12 clean all the baseboards in the house. She is a really good kid who does not act out very often at all. Sometimes she can get a bit of a smart mouth and then presto my baseboards get dusted!! LOL!
I am sorry to say he sounds like a normal 10 yr old to me, from my ds and his friends experience... My ds was going through that last month, he has finally gotten to understand that nothing else can be done-- games, playing, snack, etc... even lunch break has been put off for a lesson that had to be done before lunch--- before its done, nothing else. I explain to him at the begining of each day what needs to be done, even though its also posted on the wall and occasionally on a sheet of paper with a list check mark called My Daily Lesson Plan... then he gets to have control over what order he is doing his lessons, as long as it all gets done. At this age they are old enough to be independant learning but still need us to push them. Mine tends to find legos and gets lost doing that, or a game ... today he admited to me that he "accidentely started playing inbetween his classes" lol! So HE took the game away on time out untill after school. He is reading now , this HUGE BOOK of COmics and where they came from the thing is bigger than 12 inches and an inch and a half thick! I should take his pic an post it it is so funny! we had library day and he and dd dug in as soon as we got home! really love days like this one, and they will come! grin and bear it and you will make it! Oh ds is now 11, and this is when he is getting more accepting of me going and doing my writting projects or helping sis with her grading of her SOS or MUS. So it will come, this too shall pass!
I agree with so many previous posters: He sounds normal for his age, it sounds like it could be a discipline issue. A reminder that the word discipline comes from the word disciple, which includes the definitions of adherent and follower. Whether it's the carrot or the stick, he needs to get on track. Clear expectations (which may have to be lower than your standards, for the start), boundaries, and consquences can make a big difference. Now, if he were mine, in addition to what I stated above, I would seriously consider a completely different approach. It could be letting him set his goals, or it coudl be unit work, or it could be a lot of hands-on, outdoor learning (DH & I are big fans of hard labor - not as punishment, per se - it's good exercise and a good character builder). Sometimes a change of scenery can really make a difference. For myself, when I'm really in a bad way, several hard days in the garden can really "reset" my perspective. Now, if you are not in a situaton where you can or want to shift your instructional approach, I do have a suggestion for *you.* When one of mine was really making me nuts doing a given lesson, I got out my knitting. It worked so well, now I always have hand work with me (knitting, crochet, mending, whatever) when we do lessons. I don't always touch it, but most days, I end up picking it up. It sends several messages to my son: I am here, so don't think about doing something else or leaving; I do have better things to do than "baby"sit you, so I'll make the most of my time. Most importantly, it moves enough of MY attention onto something else so I don't stew and get angry and frustrated. I find that when I can get that little emotional distance, I have better and more effective response to passive-aggressive overtures. Oh, and I feel better, too LOL
I do the same with a good book! I will sit and read when ds needs watching. Sometimes I think its the need to be seen by them... to know that someone else is out there and that we care what happens. I notice this in my ds11. He needs to know that I care that he is having problems and often if I am working he will pick up his work an dfollow me around just to be in the same room.. see if that helps yours?
