Okay, this is tangentially a homeschooling issue...but I decided to put it here anyway, because if I wasn't homeschooling, I wouldn't be asking. What do you say when a friend/acquaintance tells you some awful (to me/you) story about something her child experienced in public school? Honestly, I can't think of anything I perceive as helpful. Here are some examples of what comes to mind: Reason #347 why we homeschool. Great example, thanks. Not the least bit surprised to hear that - I was in public schools as a certified teacher for over a decade, I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl. Hm. And you aren't sure what - or if - you ought to say anything to her teacher/principal? I think those are all poor choices. So far, I use silent speech (say one or more of the above in my mind while keeping my lips firmly sealed), and perhaps nod and say, "Hmmmmmmmmm." Everyone knows we homeschool. I figure if they want to do that, they'll just ask. Not give the old, "I can't beLIEVE <fill in the blank> happened to my child/at my child's school." What do YOU say?
I don't really have that many ps friends any more, but there is one that we still talk and the kids still hang out. She called me the first week of school and really went on and on about the new principal, the new teacher, and what the school was turning into now. I just listened. There wasn't much else I could say or do. You can't really complain with them anymore. Your child doesn't have to endure the school. You can't really say I would do this or that. You aren't in that position either and your mindset is totally different from that of a ps parent. Having been a ps parent, I know when you are in the system you have to make sure not to step on certain toes. So I would just mm-hmm, and oh-no, and I can't believe that until my friend released some steam and feels better.
Maybe I'm too blunt but I just say-"yeah-one of the many reasons we choose to homeschool" Then I often go into all the things wrong with PS and rant because our government really has no plan to FIX all that is wrong with our PS system. (NCLB and RTTT are jokes and offer no benefit to our children) Even though I homeschool, I'm a HUGE supporter of PS teachers and kids and parents. People shouldn't have to choose to homeschool cause their child is being bullied so bad and the teachers do nothing about it, they shouldn't have to homeschool cause large class size means there child isn't getting the attention they need, they shouldn't have to homeschool because the teachers/school can't handle their child, they shouldn't choose to homeschool cause their child isn't getting a good, quality education at PS. People should homeschool because despite a great PS system, it's what they want to do. Though I doubt things will ever be that way..... If our government really cared about our children, they could come up with the money to educate them, instead of spending it on silly, useless things....but they don't care. So our children suffer... I'm still angry about the PS system for all the kids who have parents that don't have any other option than to send their kids to PS....They should get a quality education too....
I've said that more than once! But really, it depends on who is doing the complaining and what the situation actually is. I try hard, when it's someone who really needs a friend in that moment, to listen and help in whatever way I can. I think of it this way: if I went to a friend with a serious problem in regard to how one of my boys was handling school, the last thing I'd want to hear is, "and you wonder why we send Johnny to public school." Like I said, if they're just venting or wanting sympathy, I've been known to throw out the snarky comments. And I don't usually feel bad about it. But if they come to me with genuine concern and want a should to lean on, I offer it. I try to make suggestions. If none come to me, I simply offer to pray for the situation. They know I homeschool. I don't feel the need to attempt to make a 'convert' out of everyone. ha!
I bite my tongue. The worst is my one SIL, who's a public school teacher. She's been quite vocal about all the things she believes my kids are going to miss out on by being homeschooled. And yet, she's constantly going on about how terribly behaved the kids in her school are (she teaches high school). The drugs, the teen pregnancy, the kids coming to class hung over, the ones who are constantly disruptive/ignore her, etc etc. It's always on the tip of my tongue to blurt out "and are these the great things you think my kids are going to miss out on by being homeschooled?!", but in the interest of family harmony I keep my mouth shut. DH and I, however, have a running joke between us. Whenever someone is blabbering about something horrible their child has encountered in public school, as soon as we get the chance we'll whisper to one another "reason #673...." It just helps to reinforce to ourselves that we've made the right decision for our children.
I'd say that too. So far I have been very pleased with Samantha's experience going back to ps. I have heard no horror stories at all. Now back when I pulled her from elementary in a different city there were nothing but horror stories and I would say just what Sommer suggested.
I generally don't say much other than letting the person know that I understand their frustrations and that I hope they get it worked out. They know I homeschool and if they are wanting info on that they'll ask, as a matter of fact I did have a friend ask 'how' to homeschool because the kids little school was closing (the same school my oldest went to last year) and they didn't want their children in ps. She's now homeschooling her three oldest children, and they are all happier for it!
I think it would depend on how awful the something is. I generally try to help friends when possible or just be a sounding board if I can't do anything to help. If it's the kid getting picked on then saying something like 'that's not ok.' would suffice. If it something more criminal give her some options sometimes people really don't know what to do when really awful things happen. Of course she knows you homeschool she is looking for your friendly ear to tell her problems to.
I have neighbors/friends that vent about ps or teacher problems occasionally. I just let them vent, maybe ask them later if the issue resolved etc., but then I can go home to dh and tell him yet another reason we are glad to homeschool.
My MIL is a 6th grade Geography teacher. She's not keen on us homeschooling, yet she tells us all these horror stories about her students in her class. I hear her tlak about how "bad" they are, their behavior, gossip that is going around about them, what she assumes their...ahem..."extracurricular activities" are.... o.o It's just random, weird, aweful things. Usually about trivial things like , "You wont believe hoe many of them didn't turn in their homework/failed the homework!" I'm justt say, "Hmmmmm/oooooo no/tsk that's not good..." etc. On the rare occasion I have said, "Well, we homeschool for a reason..." and leave it at that. I try and limit my responses like that to try and keep some semblance of peace between us, but since "peace" is slipping I am opening my mouth a little bit more, BUT I am always cordial and nice when the subject comes up.
as much as id be SOO tempted to say "that's why we homeschool", that really wouldn't be very helpful to your friend... in fact it might just make you look like an arrogant, insensitive jerk LOL. So just be supportive and show that you're listening, and maybe ask ur friend if there is anything she thinks she can do about the situation... and help her come up with a solution. If there is no real solution, just listen and be understanding.
I generally just encourage the person to work through the system. It's a system they've chosen to use, but most people have no idea how to work it. Since I used to teach professionally, I know how it works and how to--- at least MAYBE--- get the preferred outcome. It's hard for me sometimes not to say that perhaps they should homeschool or what have you [like when my nephews were being bullied at school], but I know I wouldn't want to hear "Maybe you should put them in school" when I'm venting about a particularly bad schooling day. Respect for schooling choices really does need to go both ways.
