Ok, i have an 8 yr old dd, and 7 yr old ds, and 1 yr old dd. we live in a very rural area, and not any homeschoolers in the area. we could drive an hours one way, and have plenty to do, but i cant afford to drive an hour every week. we go to a small church, my dd and ds have maybe 4 or 5 other kids in their sunday school, and about 7 or 8 kids that go to wed night bible club with them. my kids dont really have friends. they visit with kids at church, but no real friends that we get together with. we have a close friend couple, whose boys are my two oldest age, and they play well together, but my dd wants a close friend who is a girl. i would have to say, my 2 oldest are best friends. i know my dd is the one who actually verbalizes wanting more girl friends, and my son seems satisfied. the couple i mentioned earlier comes over or vice versa enough that he feels like he has friends. we have attended a tea party that is focusing on raising girls to be women who love the Lord, but that is an hour away, every 6-8 weeks during the school year, and no true friends have been made, bc they live so far away. i just feel bad. i understand her feelings, but i dont know how to find a friend. i mean, we just cant post an advertisement in the local paper. on one hand, i want her to call her family her closest friends, and i want to be her best friend, besides the Lord. not in a weird way, mind you. but in a, i dont know, maybe like on little house in the prairie way. laura and mary, they seemed to be able to confide in their mom, share joys, heartaches, fun, learning, all that stuff. you know how it used to be, bf everyone lived close enough to be friends like we can now. they had their family and that is about it. we are very conservative christian family, and not many families in this area follow our beliefs. im sure some think we are too strict, but we are raising our dc in the way we believe the Lord would have us raise them. so sorry so long, but do any of you have these same struggles? i really dont know what to do.
DS is very social, not being able to get out regularly and being with others would drive both of us mad. Thankfully we live in a large metropolitan area so besides our homeschool friends that we see weekly, he has his teammates that he sees daily. This works well for us. I think friends are important. While I am close to my children and love them, I do not want to be their friend and I don't want them to be mine. If I was you I think I would maybe try and get to the area where there is more to do, at least weekly. I know the drive sucks, but it would be worth it for your DD especially.
My dd10 has one special friend and then a good friend(a neighbor) and she's happy with that. But my other two dds who are 5 and 8 consider themselves each other's best friend but really love getting out with friends. This will be our first year homeschooling and I do worry about that, but i'm trying not to because we are lucky enough to have a big homeschool group ( they have not made any good friends yet, but hopefully they will) and we are signing up for girl scouts in a few weeks. We'll also be participating in a co op every friday starting October 1st. I think it is very important to be out with other kids if your child craves it. Some do some don't, but I think you should definitely try to get out even if it's just once a week. It may be far, but it will be worth it. Then once she makes a good friend she can chat on the phone too. Girls... As they get older......
This is how families used to live all the time! The pioneers, people who came across the country in covered wagons, etc. They lived out on prairies or plains or mountains, and had noone but their family many times. Once in awhile a neighber that lived miles away. They played with siblings, they read and made things and did chores and stuff like that. They grew up okay. I understand how your dd feels though. My dd has felt that way, since she has no sister, just two older brothers. But when we read the "Little House..." series, it helped her realize that lots of kids have grown up that way. She never had that big of a problem with it, and we did have a Y, went to Church, and found a Homeschool co-op. But for that while, when she needed it, reading those types of books honestly helped her feel better!
I agree with Deena. The books by Laura Ingalls Wilder are very good, because the children were happy to have cutout and rag dolls and play in the attic with stored food in the winter. No technology and no entertainment other than what they could create. Their lives were centered around providing the basics in life and so much of that was about food preparation and preserving. Families did a great deal of work just to survive and they filled in the cracks with laughter--so different than we are here in the US today. Another thought, my daughter does not watch much TV either to get ideas that she needs to be hanging out with friends and, when she does watch, it is not sitcoms or children's channels.
we have watched some tv, but we dont have satellite and cant get any local channels bc we are out in the boondocks, so we are members of netflix and we rent movies. my thing about the coop, i have no problem driving that hour there and hour back, but we wont be making any close friends, bc we wont be up that way but once a week, kwim? they wont be able to get together, bc we arent close enough. ive kicked aroudn starting some kind of kids club, or specifically a girls club, and i know they have a 4-H group in the area we might try that? who knows, my dd is not social, lol. she is quiet and loves her mama, and loves to be with her mama, even at 8, but when she knows a girl and feels comfortable, she love to open up and have fun. you know what i mean, she isnt the social butterfly. also, it seems like she has been trying to get into my adult conversations lately, so im thinking maybe she needs a buddy, but dont know how to find that special someone, lol. ill admit, im sorta picky about their friends. now my kids dont know that, but i am choosy, i want kids that will be good influence, not drag my kids down. i do love our closeness though, and hope that it continues throughout our lives, she is so sweet, and i find we get closer as she gets older. but i do have my own special friends and i want her to have that as well.
My dd was like that when her friends moved away, but my youngest used t whine about wanting HIS FRIENDS to come over too when the other two would have one come over.. dd became ds' good friend for many years but now thanks to working at it with kids at church, we have friends for ds too! You just have to be there to play with your dd too now and then. Having one dd is always harder to figure friends and so mine and I became closer than most girls and thier moms especialy now in teenville! lol, the times we spend having t parties at home with cuddle toys and dolls and me! were important, so dothose things with her, tell her that untill she gets another good friend you will be her best friend and even go as far as to get her a little necklace etc if you want to? trust me some of the girls my dd could have been hanging with did not turn out to be girls she would have chosen now in life to hang with, so be cautious, find a freiend at chhurch who will come visit and stay over night even, dont worry about age thing either, within a couple years up or down girls will play well together!
My boys are 12 and 10 and for the most part are the best of friends. We live out of town as well, and the only homeschool group we could find to join is an hour drive through town. We did that last year, but with gas going up and finances tightening, we told the boys we can no longer go this year. They were both fine with that. I understand the problem you have with not building any close relationships in the little bit of time you are at the coop. I have been greatly distressed about the friend issue as well (notice I did not say my boys were!!), until I realized that "Where you are, is where you are at." That is the way life is and just like in pioneer days, our children will be fine. There will be seasons of lots of friends and opportunities, and seasons where there are not. We must learn to be happy in both! So pray about it, have your daughter pray about it, and research opportunities that will fit your family. From your description, it doesn't sound like your kids are not getting social activity.
The way we have done it is one parent picks up the other drives back... or somesuch way. Then have the friend spend the night to make tie rides ot so boring in one day for he kids too!
We live out in the country. Our closest neighbor is an older gentlemen that the kids think of as a grand father. My children do have a few friends but no one they see on a regular basis. Sibling friendships work though...They have 7 people to choose from.(My oldest daughter lives far away on her own.) This seems work out just fine. I think the little house books are great for showing things in a differnt light. Thats just how things were back then.
My kids are really social, but they also go to a charter school a few days a week and hang out with their friends. I know my kids need other kids for interaction that sometimes being together to much is to much to handle for both of them sometimes and they grate at each others nerves not to mention my dh and myself.
I don't put a lot of stress on many friends. The close friends I have now were not my school friends & I'm sure that will be the same for my kids. I have one friend from 4th grade who moved after 8th grade. She's far away & we only talk a few times a year but she is my best friend. I have kept in contact with one friend from high school & that is only a Christmas card. So "school" friends are not that important in the grand scheme of things. I had friends in my early 20's that I grew apart from & have a new set of friends now. I think it will be the same way for my kids whether we homeschool or not.
I think we get so wrapped up in making sure our kids are well socialized that we forget that family comes first. Just as has been said before, the pioneers spent most of their time together as a family and it was a rare treat to enjoy the company of friends. My kids really enjoy being together as a family and I LOVE it that we are so close as a family. Granted they have their sibling rivalry, and moments when they wish they were at a friends house, but they know that friends may come and go but family will be there forever. I wouldn't get too stressed out. There will come a time when she will have really close friends. Pray. The Lord always answers prayers and he loves your daughter and wants what is best for her.
What about finding her a pen pal? It's not quite the same thing as a girl friend you see very day but still a way for her to reach out to another girl her age. My son and daughter are less than 2 years apart and they really are best friends so I don't worry about additional socializing outside of church. Good luck!
We don't live VERY far from people - but we can't always get together with them.... we don't have a "normal" weekend so we turn down quite a few things. But I do suggest 4-H.... not only because of the cool stuff they learn - but there are really good kids involved in it. My daughter and even son (though he won't admit it now) clung to me their first year.... wouldn't sit with the kids or anything.... now they jump out of the car and want to participate in EVERYTHING!!
This is the same thing that we went through. Like you we live in a smaller town where there are not that many homeschooling families and the local homeschooling group really doesn't do much as far as getting the kids together. As far as our church we go to a smaller church and my kids happen to be the oldest in the Kids Church program. Like you I think there is a totally of 6 or 7 kids lol. What we have done with our kids is made sure they understood that you will have mom and dad and friends but as far as your siblings these are the people that you will have the longest relationships with. One thing that we do in the spring or summer depending on weather is Pioneer Day. We spend at least 2 weeks gathering information, items so on and we unplug the tv, phone all that and spend the day doing things that the pioneers might have done. Down to telling stories, having the kids do things as a team, cooking outside over a open flame (and if you don't have an open pit a charcoal grill works great.), making our own toys out of things found outside (we have a local woods that we have went in and gathered things). Not only do the kids get a better time with their siblings but they learn that without each other things are harder to do. Now my kids ages range from 13-7. So this might be something that you could look into. Also not only are the Little House on the Prairie books great but going to your local library and gatherings things can be fun as well.
