Well they both started kindergarten at one of the local schools. They both have an IEP which it seems the school chooses not to follow. My 5yo son has issues with toileting. If he's not reminded he forgets to go to the bathroom and will go in his pants. This issue is addressed in his IEP. Well apparently the school is tired of him having wet pants and "unkempt hair" because they called CPS on us and I got a visit from the public health nurse. She told me who called even though she wasn't supposed to. She is real mad at the school for even calling and for not following the IEP. I am pretty ticked off too. The only reason we put them into K/PS was because family pushed and pushed so we did. I so want them home and of course hubby says it's up to me. But I'm worried if I pull them out the school will cause problems. But then again I don't really care. Both of my kiddo's have speech delays and my 5yo has meltdowns. He has aggression issues but him and his sister get along very well together. My 6yo daughter just loves anything schoolwork. She comes home and gets the workbooks i have and works in them until dinner. I worry about my 5yo with his issues and the stress on me. I just need a bit of advice. I also have a 12 almost 13 yo son but he loves middle school and is doing great there. He don't want to homeschool right now. It's the younger 2 i'm worried about. Help????
It's causing problems now. How much worse could it get then them calling social services? They've broken your trust and are subjecting your children to neglect (Wouldn't it be something if we could call CPS on schools?). Leaving your kids there will only let them hurt them more. Find out what your state laws are (what state are you in?). Here's a good link for state laws. Chances are the school won't have any input in your decision. Then look for a local group that can give you some support.
I don't see how pulling them out of a situation which isn't working for them would be BAD. It really only takes one bad incident to ruin a child. My brother was in first grade and on the first day of school he forgot to put his name on his paper. His teacher ripped his paper up in front of the class. When my brother started to cry she called him a crybaby. He hated school and learning the rest of his lower school days. Before then he had been a bright, inquisitive child. Instead of waiting for a bad incident to happen, why not remove them now? You CAN do it!
I'd say pull 'em home. The compulsory age is 8 in WA, so they really can't/shouldn't be able to say anything atm. The hslda site has it in more plan english and spelled out here http://www.hslda.org/laws/analysis/Washington.pdf Being 5 & 6 yrs old gives you enough time to become very familiar with the laws and how to work with them. Grab your kids and some basic workbooks and have fun. As said above, it can't get worse if you pull them. If they raise a stink, stink right back
I hate to be the spoiler, but.... Yes, I agree that you need to bring them home NOW. But with an IEP, regardless of that 8yo age, you might run into trouble. I'd call and discuss it with HSLDA. Sounds as if the caseworker is on your side as far as the "accusations" go. That can work to your advantage! You can even take them to court for not following the IEP.
I would definitly make sure that you have copies of the IEP. Also anything you can get from your fairly sympathetic SW. If dd is ok with school, you might start with pulling ds. Just tell the school you don't think he is ready for K and your going to wait until next year to try K again. That way they are not really thinking about you HS and getting their panties in a ruffle...they are just getting rid of "their problem" Then...see how he responds to being home. I think that he could be really harmed by being in school. The kid's do not forget the toileting issues from kinder later. Trust me, my ds11 knows which girl had issues...and she turned into a fine girl, and she is no dummy but the kid's remember. Then you can gather your resources for dd, and explore your options...if you decide to keep her home do it at a break...the schools might be less worried about it. I would work fairly hard at trying to stay on the PS good side. It doesn't hurt you any to be the bigger person, as long as the children are protected...and then they are less likely to get huffy.
The schools get extra Federal money for every kid that has an IEP; they don't give those children up easily. Plus, they will claim that YOU are violating the IEP by removing him.
I think your heart is telling you to pull them. And I would go with that feeling. I can personally remember every kid in the grades that had "issues" - we were a close knit group because we all lived out in the boonies - but I know who they are to this day. He probably FEELS awful and like he's doing something wrong which will make it worse. At that age little things can change a life and it takes 2x as long to fix what damage has already been done - especially as they get older. I think you will do wonderfully with your children and have total confindence as a mom that you can do it
The thing is my daughter loves doing anything school work. With my youngest he just loves to be with mommy. I know that even if I do pull one or both of them My inlaws are going to give me a lot of grief about it. My oldest was homeschooled for 4 yrs and he was on an IEP but it wasn't any problem to pull him at break in 2cd grade. The problem with my oldest is to this day he don't care 1 way or the other about school. He wants public school and is learning but not getting good grades at all. My youngest loves to do coloring/playing trucks etc. with mommy. He just doesn't get along well with the 12 yo. personality conflict a bit. I am so mad at the school right now I just want to take them out today. It was all I could do to send them to school today.. I think it's about time I need to stop worrying about what inlaws say and just do what I feel in my heart to be right. *I've talked with hubby and he says wait until xmas break. As much as I want to take them out today I have to go with what hubby says. His idea is that it would be a natural break and give me time to get my ducks in a row so to speak.
You're right on both accounts. Your husband has expressed his wishes, and you need to go along with that. Now, if something happens between now and then, you and he can always change your mind and pull him right away. As far as your in-laws go, again your husband needs to take charge. If they give you guys grief, HE needs to lay down the law to them. This is a decision he has made as head of his household. Any complaints need to go to HIM, not to you. He might need to let them know that he will not allow them complaining, fussing, or arguing the issue with you. (Some of us have been through the wringer, and have learned this the HARD way!) If they start to fuss, you simply defer to him.
I've been there with them before over other issues and it don't matter to them what we say or the reasons behind our decisions. They still go on. At times I find it hilarious. In the past it was so bad that we didn't let them see the kids for almost a year. I am excited to have my kiddo's home I always hated sending them to school. The idea was they would go to school and I would work outside the home. Well the job thing didn't work out at all.
When the conversation turns that way in a negative fashion, your husband gathers up the kids and you all leave. Pretty soon they figure out that you mean business. If they want you visiting them, there are certain topics that are off they can't respect your decisions.
I know your husband said Christmas break... but what about Thanksgiving? Just a thought - I always forgot about Thanksgiving
I also caught that your 12 yo and 5 yo don't "get along." This is a little concerning. Usually a 5yo will idolize his 12 yo brother. I would look into this specifically. Is the 12 yo harrassing the younger one, is the younger one clingy and annoying? Our kids are all 5 years apart, (exept the last two which are 3 yrs apart) so we had these large gaps in ages also. It was never acceptable for the elder to harrass the younger, or hurt the younger. (not saying this is what is going on...just what was expected at our house) Even though our children have very very different personalities there was no disrespect allowed. I wonder if you in-laws attitudes are being picked up by the 12 yo...that questioning your decrees is possible, I would limit my childrens exposure to anyone who is not respectful of me or my husband. I know you didn't ask about this...but I just caught that reference and wondered about it.
I would start by filing complaints with the state and federal government over their violations of the IEP. Then I would pull them out while sending them a certified letter stating that they are denying your son of a free and appropriate education and you feel they are being abusive and neglectful in their treatment of him. Also, if your state has the laws in place (ours does) I would press criminal charges against them for malicious reporting of you to CPS. I am very mad for you!!!! I have had the crap with IEP not being followed and all...but not the CPS bit. I did have CPS called on me before by a vengeful person (I sued someone, they retalliated). It makes me so angry! There are children who really do need help and they waste their time working out the vengence crap. Oh..and did you know you can report the school to CPS for leaving your son in that condition? Sounds like they are not even taking care of his basic needs at school.
My oldest and youngest's personalities clash big time. It is made worse by the fact that they have to share a room. No choice on that matter. Most times they get along except when they both want to play in the room. My oldest gets mad that the youngest gets into things. We have worked to solve this by giving my oldest a cupboard of his own that the youngest isn't allowed to get into. So far so good. But it's only been 3 months. This afternoon was the last straw for my hubby and me. Our 5yo wet himself after going 2 weeks without. The school called my hubby's cell and told him that there had been an accident and our 5yo was in the nurse's office. This was at 1:30pm. Hubby clarified waht type of accident and then called me to go get the kids. I showed up and my 5yo was crying. The secretary called our 6yo's class and told them mom was there to pick her up. My 5yo still had his pants on that he went to school in and had his change of clothes in his bag. I was livid. I picked up my son and tried to calm him down while waiting on daughter to get to office. The secretary told me to make him shut up and be quiet. So we stepped outside and waited and waited and waited. Next thing I know is the secretary comes out and tells me my daughter is in my car. She never went to the office at all but to the parking lot and wandered around until she found my car. No adult supervision at all. Well I got in the car and left went to district office where of course they didn't listen. Talked with director of special services who tells me they need to re evaluate my 5yo and write a new IEP. I said fine but my kids are not going to go to school anymore and walked out. I will get ahold of the school tomorrow and let them know the kids are no longer enrolled in their school. (Also, send them a letter stating that) I don't have to do much else in this district to pull them. I don't even have to file a declaration of intent until they are 8 yo's. I was so mad about my daughter wandering around a parking lot and my son being upset. I talked to hubby and he says there is no way at all the kids are going back.
BE VERY CAREFUL!!! In some states, once they are enrolled, that age requirement goes out the window. CALL HSLDA!!! They will tell you EXACTLY what you need to do to legally withdraw your children. Then if the district gives you any grief you will know what your legal rights are and they won't be able to try and bully you. Also, since there is an IEP involved, they could try to say that you are guilty of "educational neglect".
I am so proud of you for standing up for your children. Good on DH too! Don't worry too much about the school. But I would maybe "make nice" after all, NOW your kids are safe and it doesn't matter what the school wants or thinks. I do think that an hsld membership might be a good investment. I am thinking about one myself, even though we are in a pro-hs area. It never hurts to have the sharks on your side.
