It is the age old question, I know, but what should I do when my son won't work? I do NOT want to argue all day long about school work. As it is at 3 I have 3 older children that do go to school and I have HW to do with them. I am going out of my mind with my 2 oldest (School going) boys because I have no idea what there homework is and what tests they have and they are so disorganized. UHG! So when my 6 y/o refuses to do his work I just have to walk away. On these days he will most of the time choose to go back to his work, but by the time he does there is only time for him to get part of it done. Also I am so upset that I don't wont to do anything fun, so the day is a waste. This happens at least 2 times a week. I am tired taking things away (i.e, t.v, computer) it just means that the rest of the day is unhappy because I have to keep reminding him he can't do this or that. I need a system. I need to know how to respond when he mopes and sulks and stomps his foot, cries and refuses to do something what he did yesterday with ease. Right now I am telling him that i can't work with him when he is behaving this way and I tell him I will help him when he has a better attitude. Then i walk away. (I have to walk away because the longer I am with him in this state, the more angry I BECOME.) Help! I love homeschooling, I just can't do it when he has this attitude. Robin
Robin, observe him for a couple of weeks and see what days he behaves this way, what triggers it etc, then plan ahead for it. Before he gets to the point of "I dont want ot do this, or I cannnnn't " stop him with a changed schedule a quick run around the back yard ( even if its raining once around will be good for him and you too!) A backwards lesson day so that the lessons that cause friction are the last ones, then he can mess with it all night if he wants because "as soon as you are done you can go play" is a great incentive! Thats the key, incentives before the problem. I know with mine I could tell when he was going to have an "attitude day" and if I caught him in the midst and wrote into my lessons list for him "Run five laps around the garden and do five jumping jacks, get a drink of water and turn around five times before getting your Math book" he would come to the table laughing and happy to do math. Then we had no struggle in the begining and if he started to whine about it I pointed to the note on the wall that ( I think Kris gave me this one) says "The more you Whine the more work you do" I had a cute picture of a kid with a HUGE pile of books and papers on it so it got the point across. Then I also added to the day I put it up a lesson on how when we are having fun time seems to go fast but when we whine and complain everything goes slower. Some people set timers to teach this btw, you play a game all day and everytime a kid whines you start the timer to see how long that lesson goes... then you go through to the times when they are enjoying set the timer to see how fast it goes. Its a great object lesson to Attitude is Everything! Choosing to change upyour days work is a great way to get around problems like his not wanting to do it. The thing that always threw my kid out of it was " You know what I am going to give you a change your schedule day! You get to choose what class comes next, but these classes have to be done ---- 000 ----- etc. They find it fun to plan themselves sometimes. And then there is always the trading places thing.. you let them be theteachermom and you be the studenkid. over do it big time! Hope I have given you some great ideas! Just remember ; This too shall pass!
We are having a whiny week too. Dutch, who is in"4th" grade is in the 5th grade math book...so yesterday he decides it is toooooooo hard and he wants to go back to 4th grade math. I pulled out the grade book, which shows mostly hmmm 100's..."my dear, if you are getting an A in 5th grade math, I really can't put you back to 4th grade." He grins. I give the boys a daily list on what to do, they get to choose what order to do it in. Dutch usually saves his math for when Jazz is at band...and some stuff they work together on, so they have to coordinate that. It has been slow going to get them to do that, but it is starting to work.
The first thing I noticed is that he is only 6. Are you expecting alot of sit down work from him? At this age sitting for a long period of time can be very difficult, even a short period of time. Are you doing school activities together or expecting him to do them alone. School at this age shouldn't last more than a couple hours. Enjoy your time. Read books together. Maybe a few simple changes will change his attitude.
My 6 year old has the choice of doing school work or cleaning. She almost always chooses to do school.
I also give "choices" sometimes... not just for school, for anything. One is the choice I want him to choose and the other is something much less desireable. That usually works.
Personally, my kids do not have a choice to do school. (although, amylynn, you crack me up...I have given that choice when it came to projects or arts and crafts with my son..lol) Anyway...school time is school time. I give work, they do the work. Do they protest? No. Why? Because most kids would rather do a bit of school then get spanked, do double the work, or do the dishes..lol. I have zero tolerance for that junk. My son is the one who will try to get out of stuff. He will either get spanked if it's not done or do double the work or my favorite...wash the dishes. No arguing. No discussion. I have found the more you argue or fuss the more arguing and fussing will go on. I set a tone that school is on and they must keep their minds engaged. My kids are not perfect and things do slip through the cracks when someone didn't finish something. However, most of the time that's my fault for not staying on them. Have a folder for finished work. If the work isn't done and in the folder by a certain time of day then punish him. Soon, he will just do the work. Oh and don't let him upset you. He is a kid. Kids do kid things. Kids also won't gamble if they know they will loose. If you knows he can upset you and that will lead to him getting what he wants....it's worth the hassle. Things are what things are...that's it..no emotion...it is what it is. He has work to do...he must do the work...he refuses then fine...punish him. No arguing. No discussion. Don't let him think he can ruffle your feathers or he will think he has control. Now...when I say no discussion, understand that I mean for a child that this issued has already been throughly explained to and the reason for the behavior is disobedience and not a lack of understanding.
By the way...I learned this from my son. He used to cry and throw fits when he was about 6 years old. Seriously...6 and acting like a 3 year old. It would happen everyday because things were either too hard or he was trying to be too perfect. I mean hours would be spent arguing...fussing...me trying to convince him of something or other. Finally, I said, NO MORE. He was NOT affecting me. I was there to guide him not the to allow him to control the situation. So, I approached it as a teacher and not a mother. He would cry, I would instruct calmly. I would then take the papers away calmly and tell him to try again later. I would then remind him that it had to be done by a certain time or he would have to do it "after school". If it was not done by the next morning he would have double the work or worse. I reminded him like I giving him the weather report. Then I walked away. Whatever. Didn't care. NOt my problem. lol. After a day or so...he turned around. His crying wasn't affecting me. His craziness didn't get him out of work. He was the only one affected by his behavior. well, he's no dummy.....he didn't want something to affect him negatively. He learned if he freaked he was on his own. So, he stopped this behavior. Now, he no longer cries or fusses. However, if I do not keep on him and remind him of the work he has, he will slack. So, I tell him whatever it was is due NOW. Yes, right NOW. Hand it over, buddy boy. If it's not done or not started a punishment ensues. He gets his work done 9 out of 10 times now. So, I have been there. I have not had a child refuse because refusing is the kiss of death. However, to me, my child sneaking his refusal is just the same...so the same punishment happened. The refusal alone is worth a punishment. Your child needs to learn that when you say jump, he..no doesn't ask "how high", he JUMPS as high as possible. lol. They wont' always...but in the end we need to strive for that type of obedience.
LOL, last year my boys were under the impression that spending the day doing chores was preferable to school. They were able to experience that and they have changed their minds for sure!
