Why are some homeschoolers bitter about homeschooling?

LOL who knows. attention?

 

I think some people are just in a mood and looking for a good fight!

 

Ok, I saw the particular thread I think you are refering to ..lol...& a few more like it. I think the judgemental, harsh tone that often comes across is offputting to start with but frankly I don't need any more negativity. My dd is going through an *I hate homeschooling* thing & I'm just so tired of the whole 'homeschooling is bad, bad, bad', you know. Ditz knows we couldn't do most of what she loves if she was in regular school. She knows it would be noisy & horrible & take time away from activities she enjoys. She knows she would have to do lots more of subjects she hates & less of those she likes but perversly still feels she's missing out on something ~ the all powerful *socialization* thing, maybe? As she can't even articulate what it is she thinks she'd like I'm left wondering but suspect (given how much she does socialize) she's been made to feel 'abnormal' for being homeschooled. This is a relative perception I hope time & maturity will cure as our public high schools are particularly bad & every parent I know complains bitterly about what their children are turning into so there's no way Ditz gets a bite at that particular apple & we can't afford private. I just don't get why other people feel the need to tell others what they should or should not be doing... or why they even care. OK. Rant over.

 

CelticRose, you did see the latest, but like you I have seen quite a few others also.

I understand what everyone has said about the difference between the education and the parenting, but I also feel that in a homeschooling family these two things are so intertwine that there is no one or the other, they are one.

 

That is true about home life & homeschool being intertwined & the grass is always greener...

 

I always wonder what Jeannie will think as she looks back on her years of being homeschooled. Will she feel cheated that she didn't have friends to do things with? She just tonight found out she was left out of a big opportunity- will she look back on that with bitterness, because the pool of aquaintances is so small for her? Will she look back and appreciate all the experiences she did get to have? It's something to think about. We all say we're hsing for their best, but should we consider their feelings more? Seeking, I'd like to avoid mine having those feelings too. Thanks for posting this.

 

well, it is late and I haven't read all the replies yet, and I hope y'all don't mind a "newbie" jumping in...

I was homeschooled myself and loved it. It took me awhile to say that, to be honest. I didn't really like being homeschooled until I hit about JrHigh. We found a homeschool group that I LOVED. You have to remember, things were different then. There weren't tons and tons of us. We were the odd ball, the one that hated being asked "where do you go to school", the ones that shuddered at the thought of being asked anything that had to do w/ school. Now, it seems everyone knows someone who is hs'ed. It isn't that odd anymore. If it wasn't for us moving when I was in JrHigh and finding that hs group, I bet I'd be one of the bitter ones as well. Just remember, we weren't always as excepted as we are now. They may not matter much to adults, but it does to kids.

...just my 2 cents..

 

Good thread. I think Noah feels privileged to be home schooled. He has seen that the grass isn't always greener on the other side lol. I hope he continues to feel this way. I'm happier he's home... he's happier he's home. For us it's a win, win situation.
Like the pp said homeschooling is more accepted now than it was when we were kids. I live in a small town and we personally know 2 homeschooling families. In our local (There are 2 groups here! ) homeschool group I'd guess there's around 20 families that regularly attend the park days, and about 30 that attend the PE co-op.
I dont think Noah feels abnormal. He likes his freedom too much to want to be in school for most of the day.

 

Could part of it be just teenage rebellion? I know some kids that it don't matter how good the parents are, when the kid gets up to a certain age they rebel and want to take over. I am sure its the same situation with homeschooled kids as well. I might see this differently because I have 3 teenage boys ranging from 19 to 15 and one 10 yr old. My own kids have rebelled and balked when I set limits and told them NO, that they weren't allowed to do whatever they wanted.

My older boys are in PS, with one that graduated this year, and one I will homeschool next year, one will stay in PS. I know it isn't the homeschooling that causes them to want to rebel. I think its more getting around other kids that the parents let run wild and wanting to do the same as that kid is allowed to do. I also think a lot of it is just teenage rebellion and the kid wanting to blame the parent for their perceived "wrongs."

I am fair but tough on my boys because if I wasn't they would be skipping school, doing drugs, and lord knows what else trouble they would be in. I am proud to say that none of my kids have been in any serious trouble or have done anything stupid like doing drugs. Its been tough, I have the grey hair to prove it lol.

I just wonder how much of this is simple teenage rebellion? You do realize that once your kid gets up to a certain age that you do not know anything at all until they reach about 25 lol.

 

Samantha is the one who begged me to hs her almost 3 years ago. Being open minded I read everything I could abotu it and decided that yes it could work for us. She has loved it except when that nutty girl from church filled her head full of crazy stories from her life. I had to explain to Sam that this girls life was not anywhere close to being what our life is. Once she understood that things were okay again.

People ask her a lot if she will want to go to ps for high school and she tells them no or I dunno just to get them off her back. However, if the time came for high school and she really wanted to try it I think I'd have to let her go. I can't have my child grow up with the resentment of not knowing and not being given the chance to find out for herself if she likes it or not.

 

I think the reason some HS parents respond in fear when they hear someone say they didn't like being HS'd is that we love our kids and only want what's best for them.

HS requires a parent to make a much larger personal investment in time and effort than sending kids to school (I say that having done both). It hurts to hear that all that effort isn't appreciated, and hurts even more to hear an implication that we've somehow harmed our child.

I don't think anyone would enjoy the feeling of knowing they gave their best effort in something but it was unappreciated and unvalued.

I dunno...I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't see those reactions as being bitter, per se. Defensive, maybe, but not bitter.

Or maybe I just didn't get the question? :lol:

 

I can. I've had my older kids in PS & was not a happy mamma. My older girl begged in tears for us to remove her. The way her peers were developing in grade 8/9 just distressed her & there was soo much pressure to conform. My younger girl is even more sensitive & has a huge need to be appreciated ~ a scary combination.

Plus I was still working as a remedial teacher when DD was younger & she had days when she *sat in* in her age level class & every single time she came home white & exhausted with a raging headache...which tells me schools make kids physically maladjusted. No wonder they're so ratty when they come home! Unfortunately we don't have many other homeschoolers around & it is seen as rather strange round these parts but I am not prepared to subject her to a moral cesspool to satisfy her urge to appear more *normal* What is normal anyway?

I need to say I'm not taking potshots at you, just saying why I can so over~ride my own kiddie's wishes. Unfortunately most of her socializing at present is with private schooled kids, who at least have better manners on the whole than their PS counterparts, & she thinks PS kids would treat her with the same respect when we know from experience they would not. I think I am just feeling railroaded from both sides at present & it's making me bad tempered. Forgive me if my tone is offensive. I don't mean to be; just trying to explain.

 

Some of these posts written by bitter former homeschoolers claim to be their twenties and have had some college. I think, in part, that the pressure to be so open-minded found in colleges may be part of their challenge. In such an academic environment, there seems to be pressure to be open-minded or progressive or else be labeled as close-minded and ignorant. I cannot say that public school prepares a child for the college environment any better.

CelticRose, I think I can also. I hope it does not cost me an estranged relationship with my daughter later on, but I just place it in God's hands.

 

That's the funny thing; she likes having me about & schooling with her & on the rare occassions she's on her own for something she hates it. Usually someone from the family goes with her.

Both my girls really need to *decompress* after their various activities so like me there because they know I know what they're talking about. She isn't consistent. roll:

 

That is different than my situation. Every situation is different.

My oldest in 4th grade begged me to take her out of ps and I did. We are doing great here at home. But if she wanted to try high school my dh and I would have to discuss it with her at length and then make a decision. I would never just say no without giving it any thought. I feel like I am raising her right and she is a really good kid. If she asked me to consider it I would because I wouldn't want her to grow up with those regrets or resentments. That is my choice as a parents.

Currently my dd has friends that are homeschooled, private schooled and public schooled. My child's current friends are all great kids no matter where they are educated.

I don't feel you are taking a pot shot at me. Frankly I'm not sure why you would anyway for simply saying I would consider allowing my chld to go to high school if that is what she wanted to try. I'm not sure why you feel railroaded from both sides here - unless you didn't mean here but in your real life, I'm not sure what you meant.

 

Monkey mama, re the allowing them to know that they were wrong or not, I agree. Thats why I actually prayed about the two older ones going out. Now the first child went out with God's blessings, but with my second so far she is still staying home by choice. It was nice to give her the option though.
She chose to stay home because she knows she can hang with her home school friends for one thing, and cause she wasnt sure about the teachers of all things!

 

Even in one family each situation is different. You have one in school and one home right? I think it is good to give mature teens the option and to at least have their opinions heard. Some may want to stay home and some may not but each is a case by case situation. I'd love if my kids would both stay home right to graduation. Samantha like staying home because she gets to do so many more things than if she was in ps. She especially likes when we do something like go have lunch at the mall when all the other kids are in school!

 

mine like that too, the fact they can go to the mall or to Target ( teh fav store of the moment) with out waiting in lines they can get what they want and get out of the store. All on lunch break. They get to have open campus! Wee!
I have two at home one who attends local private high school. One more year of that! WOW!

 

My dh and I have talked about sending our kids to the local public school vs homeschooling. We are both at a point where we'll take it year by year for each child, see what they want. Look at the school they'd be going to and decide from there. My dh wants to send Caiden to kindy next year... to the same teacher that taught Noah in Kindergarten. She's a great teacher and the kids enjoy the class environment she creates in her classroom. I'm hesitant, because of all the school violence we hear about, because of the unknown, scared to not be with Caiden for the majority of his day. That said I think my dh has decided to give school a try with Caiden. I know Caiden will love it there. He's very outgoing and this just seems right up his alley.
I'm hoping if we take our children's considerations into account each year that they wont have that resentment some homeschoolers supposedly have.
With Noah I remember talking about homeschooling and he kept saying he wanted to go to "big school" with his friends. Now that he's experienced school, he's chosen to be homeschooled for now. When I ask him he says he likes it here and he doesnt want to go back to public school. That's fine by me! Maybe after a few months into school Caiden will decide to come home too, but I'll leave that decision up to him.

 

That sounds like a good way to do it to me!