Besides not feeling good after having an allergic reaction to something I ate at Chili's yesterday MY ATTITUDE STINKS!!! Please pray for me to not be bitter towards the people Tim used to work for. I don't know the circumstances exactly and I'm thinking that there may be some issues between the husband and wife because they disagree on terminating his job. Not exactly sure but I sorta got that feeling today when I saw "her" at a baby shower. Awkward was not the word for how I felt. I watched as she spoiled the mother to be and promised to continue to help them as the baby grows. I guess I got jealous, I don't know, but I completely lost it. I got out of the room before everyone saw, but they all knew something was wrong. It was all ladies from church EXCEPT the boss lady. Some knew hubby had been fired, but most didn't and not many knew who he was employed by. I was about to grab my daughter who LOVES xboss's wife and was sitting next to her, and leave when I was grabbed by the lady who hosted the baby shower and asked what was wrong. At that point, I completely LOST it. I told her "she" was there and I just couldn't sit in the room with her. Then "SHE" walks in the room with us and says that we are all carrying our own burdens and that we don't have a clue what's going on out at her house. She said it's crazy out there. She wasn't rude, I think she was feeling as awkward as I was. Then she gave me a hesitated half hug and walked away without saying anything else or even looking at me again. I don't WANT to be bitter and I don't WANT to be jealous of the blessings that other people get. I WANT TO BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT I DO HAVE. I am so mad and so confused right now that I can't even pray. My house is a wreck, we have no food, and I've got lesson plans to make for Work tomorrow and I can't seem to get it together enough to do ANYTHING other than sit and cry and pout and whine about what's going on in my life. I CAN'T do this!!! I want to be able to start feeling the JOY OF CHRIST in my life again, but I feel like I'm lost in thick fog. I can't even open my bible and study and I LOVE to study. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????? When I got home, hubby told me he got a text from "her" 10 minutes before we were both at the baby shower. What are the odds of that happening?? She was just checking on him..
Praying for you all, but saying a special prayer that you find some peace. I think one of the toughest things about serious difficulty...is that it can shake up your beliefs and even change them somewhat. If you're someone who leans really hard on a black and white set belief system....and events are putting you at odds with it....it's a double whammy. You hurt twice as bad because the things you used to do for comfort don't work. It's painful and stressful. You want to slip back into your tried and true comfort habits....but they don't fit somehow. Been there. It's hard. It takes time. You'll get there. You might arrive back home changed, you might have a different perspective or view, but you'll feel at home with God again. You will. Every relationship has ups and downs...even our relationship with the Lord. Really tough circumstances are tough on any relationship. You have times when it feels like you don't understand each other, when you feel hurt, when you don't feel like communication is good, when you feel forgotten. Just keep trying. If you can't pray or do bible study...just tell God you need Him and let that be enough for now. Make sure your hand is there...if God wants to hold it. Maybe that's as much as you can do. Keep an open heart to Him, and be patient with yourself. You're not alone.
My heart is breaking for you! I just wish I could come to your house and give you a hug and make everything better! It is so hard to see others with what seems like normal happy lives when it feels like ours is falling apart. It seems like there should be a simple answer to how you feel and how to "fix" them but emotions are so complicated and hard to understand. I have been in situations where I couldn't be in the same room as someone and it felt as if my life was crumbling around me. To help me feel better I would take time to bawl my eyes out (and it may be a long time before I was done) and then take time to meditate and ponder on my blessings. It was NOT easy to list them because it really felt like everything was horrible. Even if I could only find one thing I dwelt on that one thing and it helped. I am praying for you and your family. I have been daily since you asked. Is there anything I can do for you other than pray? I feel like I need to do more.
Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. He IS hearing all those prayers you can't find words for. He knows, He cares, He loves you, and He is still in control. Know that several of us are praying for you, too.
God be with Mommix3 and family. Provide for them materially, there is no limit to your wealth. Your wisdom is promised to all who ask, poor it out abundantly so they can make decisions with full assurance they are following Your will. It's all Yours please bless them and give them the peace and comfort they need at this difficult time. Provide direction to the medicine and healing husband needs. Help the children not be traumatized by the struggles they are encountering, give them peace and trust and courage in both You and their parents. Be with bosswoman and her hubby also. The quotes of what she said make me worried about what that woman is encountering at home and that her callousness is numbness from a bad situation.
