Hello! Got a question....I have been thinking lately, after some discussions....about kids being in love. Young kids, as young as 4 and 5, are in love (is what their parents say). Butterfly feelings included. Thats normal, these parents say. Well for me what is normal for people around me, most of the time is not normal for me ;-) So I start to think (as usual). Is this normal? Are kids in Nepal of Somalia of Colombia also "in love" when they are so young? Or is this a western influence because kids see 'love' so much on tv? Is it because of what they hear? Or is this really universal? When I think back about my childhood, growing up in a quite safe environment....I was not in love so young and nor were my friends....yeah, when we were older....we had a boy and girl in class we were in love...they were 10/11. And yes, with showing signs of puberty. That's different. So: how is this universal? Does anyone know of any online things around this theme??? Thanks for thinking with me
It is not appropriate for kids this young to be "in love". I do not think that kids this age are even emotionally developed enough to have such feelings. I have recently heard about a kindergarden aged boy being bothered by a girl at school who is clinging to him and saying she loves him. I think that kids might be parroting behaviors and speech that has been modeled. Or that they are acting out on attention needs, or emotional disturbances or the like. I don't think it normal for kids to behave in such a way, and I do not think it is love.
I think there is different kinds of love... I love my parents, when I was that young still do, I love my sisters, I loved my pet cat. I loved sitting next to this boy in my class room when I was 6yrs and staring at him he stared back that was that in our little romance we had in kinder, nothing came out of it. It was sweet and innocent was it love? Just attraction? I really dont think anyone can really define love it would be like trying to count the stars in the sky. A few years ago some mom made a fuss at our coop because some young boy was staring with admiration at a girl. The girl felt uncomfortable told her mom and her mom told other moms till it got to the mother of the son, she had to tell him, he was mortified I don't think he knew he was staring at her. She was pretty he just liked looking at her...sigh.....not sure on this I just felt really bad for the boy. When I was younger I had boys staring at me I would smile back, they would smile back...I felt happy for being admired, they felt happy for being acknowledge, that was about the end to it. Wish life could be so simple. Sam
My daughter is ten now. Her first "crush" was on Mark Hamilton (Luke Skywalker) and her second and longer-lasting crush was on Roy Rogers. (Her grandmother's first crush was on Roy Rogers too; not many kids can say they had a crush on the same man as their grandmother. Of course, when my mother had her crush, Roy Rogers was actually alive.) I don't remember how old she was -- six or seven. I don't think she was "in love", but more of an admiration thing. Mark and Roy did become the basis for her pretend husbands. When she and her brother played Star Wars, she'd refuse to be Princess Lea, because then she would not be able to marry Luke Skywalker since they were siblings. She still takes the last name "Rogers" when she and her brother play make-believe -- but now it is only because Roy Rogers owned "Trigger"! I guess I'll have to make sure that she knows that she can't marry a man for his horse in real life -- no matter how smart the horse is.
I don't have a simple answer for you. But I remember my 5th grade teacher use to tell us a poem that said: 'Children learn what they live.'
Sam, I think you hit it right on! Phillip has a way that, often when he's with a group of kids, he manages to make friends with a cute little girl. Is he "interested" or "in love" with her? NO! But there's something about her that makes him enjoy being with her and playing with her. There's one in particular that he knows from AWANAS and baseball, and her family is one that will help serve dinner at our church twice a month. Whenever they come to church, he ALWAYS sits by her. But he's not "in love" with her, and would probably be grossed out at the suggestion. He still LOVES to be outside playing football with the other guys, and climbing in dirt hills, learning how to pop wheelies on his bike, etc. (Actually, maybe the "attraction" of this girl is that she seems to enjoy those kind of things, too, but I've also seen him being friends with more "girly-girls"!) I think often we as adults read inappropriately into children's friendships with the opposite sex!
I think our society tends to push and apply adult ideas on children where completely inappropriate, and I think this is an example. Not knowing the situation, I think it could be perfectly normal for these children to love each other for who they each are, and love being with each other, but how does that transition to being in love? So many adults in the US dress their children like little grown-ups, give them grown-up tools, and put them in grown-up situations, I really believe many adults just don't realize children are children, and while they are fully persons in their own right, that does not mean they are smaller versions of fully developed adults. Of course, this is JMO.
I have a whole Disney-theory that covers this; I have serious issues especially with "The Little Mermaid." Mind you, I don't shelter my kids. I just think that after decades of "love at first sight" training, it's no wonder that sixteen year olds think they are "in love forever" and run off and get married/pregnant. Obviously, Disney isn't the only one, but it is especially geared towards little ones, so they get it in massive doses. My kids love the "post-Disney" discussions, LOL. "Do you think she was right to leave her father, or do you think he had a better idea of the danger?" etc. (That said, I did like the way Beauty & the Beast eased into, LOL.) I could write an essay - or a book.
What an interesting thread. My elder son fell "in love" in Kinder, and now, in 6th grade he still "loves" this girl. He (hopefully) isn't acting too goofy around her. We have had a lot of discussions about what love is, and why you like some people better than others. He asked me when people start dating...and I said, different people, different ages...OUR family, 16. (the rules for the boys are the same as the girls) He mentioned if he "waits" that long, someone else might ask her out. I told him that was fine, if she dates a few boys, then she will really appreciate HIM! We have also talked about the different "traits" that you are looking for in a mate. He asked once if he should marry Kris, Zoe or Annie because he couldn't decide who was cuter. I said to choose who you like to spend time with. I said, picture being on a long drive with each girl. (we were on a long drive at the time) He chose Annie, because she is quiet and the other two are a little bossy. It was a learning moment to reinforce that happiness and love is not about looks. So I don't think in kinder you can be in love, and I am not sure at 15 you can be in love, in a mature way, but kids do love...we just have to be sure and model appropriate choices and values. Just because a person doesn't have experience doesn't mean they don't feel.
I really think the only difference between kid love and adult love is the sex element. I feel like my husband is my best friend, in the same way I felt like my childhood friend who was a boy was my best friend as well. I want to go places, see things, share things and discover things with my DH. When I was a kid I would share ice cream, discover exactly what bugs were living under a big rock, and we'd run around the neighborhood playing all day. We had secrets. The way I knew I knew my hubby was The One is when I met him, I felt like a kid again. I felt like we could discover the world. We splashed each other in the pool and raced each other around the go kart track. As an adult we also have the sexual pull and the desire to create a family. That's the ONLY difference I see. Society seems to place more emphasis on the sex part both are expected to be sexy and have perfect bodies etc. So it's no wonder that we think THAT is the most important element of relationships. And we even push that on our kids. In reality, if we could love like kids do—with no strings attached, and no holding back—we might be a happier society.
I guess according to Today's standards, this is normal and it is cute. I relish in the fact that I am not normal. There is a huge difference between infatuation, loving somebody, and being in love. When I look back to my old relationships, they do not remotely compare to my relationship with Handsome. I am truly in love with him. I am married to him. We deal with the good and the ugly together and we have a unity that I never had with my friends or boyfriends that I "loved". I believe that love is an action word and action means dealing with the good and bad. I never had to deal with the bad with my "crushes" as a child. I never played house with any of my boyfriends so I never shared the intimacy, I am not referring to sexual intimacy here, that I share with Handsome. I believe that love is tough. True love; being in love, developes over time. I do not believe in love at first sight. I believe in infatuation at first sight. Children go by feelings. So when they feel good around a special someone, they might confuse the feeling with being in love. After all, this is how our world operates these days. So no, I do not believe children that young can truly be in love and I do not believe it is universal. I also think that children can be attracted to somebody but in love, no. They are two different things. True love comes with time and endurance. This can be applied to friendships or being in love.
