Redneck jokes NEEDED!!

Okay - I need your collective WIT!!
Our local news station is having a contest for the best "You might be a redneck if...." joke. If you are not familiar with it, they are Jeff Foxworthy jokes and are sooooo funny! One of my favorites is... If your porch falls down and kills more than 3 dogs... you might be a redneck. Also... If people stop and think you are having a garage sale, but you're not.. you might be a redneck.Anyway, the best one we have come up with so far is .... If your dog is part of your cleaning system...you might be a redneck.
My neice actually told me something really funny, but I can't figure out how to say it. She just moved and started going to a different high school. She says all the cute boys she happens to get a crush on ARE RELATED!!LOL!! She is so funny!
Keep it clean and see what you can come up with!

Sabrina

 

you might be a redneck if all the guys/girls you've dated have the same last name.

you might be a redneck if your mama is also your sister.

you might be a redneck if you use coat hangers to keep your car together rather than hang up your clothes.

you might be a redneck if you use your blowtorch to heat up your tv dinner instead of your oven.
--ok think of something better than blowtorch.

you might be a redneck if you need a list for the grocery store for anything other than beer.

 

ok, just type in "redneck jokes in your search field.

Here are some:
If going to the bath room involves going outside.


If you have ever used a weed eater inside.


If you vacuum the bed sheets instead of washing them.


If you have ever valet parked a snowplow.


If your Christmas stocking is full of ammo.


If you actually like Spam.


If the same pair of cowboy boots have been in your family for five generations and they are only twenty years old.


If your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner.


If you go to a family reunion to meet women.


If you think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.

 

My Dad is comming to visit tomorrw, He will know the best ones. When you you have to turn one in by?

 

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made
it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on
the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of
improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

 

We have to turn one in by Thursday. It has to be original. How many of these were original?
I love reading them. They are all so funny.
If anyone remembers history here ...I told my husband I ought to put.. You return home from work and find your wife gutting a pig for dinner. (real life is always better!)

 

You might be a redneck if your toddler calls anyone in an orange jumpsuit Daddy.

Original

 

my first post are all from my head.

 

Dad had two for you (Both origional based on family members! ACK!)

You might be a redneck if you are married and engaged at the same time.

You might be a redneck if you bring farm animals to your family reunion.

 

So what did you submit?

 

car engine.

 

Originals:
- Your living room is in greater need of mowing than your front yard.
- When your mail-order bride arrives she takes one look at you and mails herself back.
- Your toilet paper dispenser is a large rusty nail.

I was trying to think up something related to MySpace but couldn't... maybe someone else can come up with something.

 

Sabrina:
well, what did you come up with?? you said it was to be in by Thursday.