To what extent do you tailor courses to the gender of your child? Some parents that we know assume their girls will one day be mothers at home and tailor their education accordingly. They also train their boys in home and car repair, etc. We are probably the other extreme: Our older daughter always wanted to be a doctor, and we never discouraged her from that dream (today, she's a physician assistant). On the other hand, one of our boys is very creative yet is hopeless at anything practical. We've never really worried about it but let him pursue his dreams. As I look back to my schooldays in Britain, the boys had to take classes in woodwork and metalwork and technical drawing. The girls had to take courses in cooking and needlework. These days, such practices would probably be banned as being sexist. What's the right balance?
I replied on the other thread before you deleted so I'll just copy and paste it here: When I was in school boys and girls both had to take woodshop, home ec and the like. My boys are still young but they tend to follow me around in the kitchen wanting to learn and help. My 7 yo likes to help me when I'm sewing, my 5 yo likes to help me bake, both of my older boys enjoy helping with the baby, they also enjoy helping me fix the car, change the oil, and build birdhouses. I see no reason to allow only boys to do certain things or allow girls to only do certain things. The skills are useful wether you are a boy or a girl and so I encourage them to do what interests them.
I'm teaching my boys to be the head of the house as described in the New Testament. It'll be primarily their job to finance the family, so it's important they they get a good job. I don't care if "good" means doctor or trash collector, as long as it's stable, keeps the family fed, and doesn't keep them from their duties to the church. They need to know how to do household maintenance, car maintenance, etc., because many times a job is too big for a wife to handle (I'm 5'2", my hubby is 6'2", so it's a lot easier for him to do some things), or a wife may be busy keeping children out of the way so dad can get things done in peace. I come from a family of mechanics, so I definitely know how to rotate tires, change oil, and such, but I rarely do things like that anymore. I also teach household chores or "women's work" because boys need to know how to take care of themselves as bachelors, and they need to know how to take care of their family during times when the wife isn't able (or if the wife dies). I've had 5 surgeries in 4 years, so my hubby has definitely done his share of dual role playing! Boys need to appreciate how much time and effort their wives will one day put into the family. Men who think SAHM's do nothing but watch soaps all day either have terrible wives or terrible misconceptions.
I want my son to be able to cook and clean. Rachael is learning to drive right now, and I feel that simple repairs need to be part of that. When I was in college, my geography prof found out that very few of his mostly-girl class couldnl't change a tire. He took class time to take us out and teach us how to do it. Had nothing to do with geography, but he said he didn't want any of his daughters stranded on the road with a flat, and he didn't want it happening to us, either!
honestly, I wanted to do this a few years ago... do a home ec type class with my dd and a "boys" type of class for my ds. However, that didn't pan out due to time constraints. NOW though...I believe that whatever is taught to one will be taught to the other. Such as teaching them to sew...I don't think it would hurt a man, specifically the man my son will be, to be able to sew on a button or fix a ripped seam, etc. And I think my daughter should be able to do things like knowing how to tie knots or simple home/car repair. And as for classes, I will ASSUME that my daughter wants a career regardless of if she does or not (if she wants to be a housewife that is fine and I would be just as proud of her), and I will prepare her accordingly. Much the same as I ASSUME that both my children will go to college and prepare them. If they decide not to, I can't stop them but at least I've done all I can.
I think both sexes should be taught traditional an non-traditional gender role 'classes' I believe in traditional (or Biblical) gender roles but I also want my children to be prepared for life. What if a spouse falls ill or dies? What if they never find a mate? They need to be able to take care of themselves and any possible children. If I were to die I doubt my husband would never cook or clean cause it's woman's work. LOL If he were to die I could teach my boys the basics in household and car maintenance. My husband spent a week in ICU when my oldest was an infant-though I spent most of my time by his bedside and my mom kept the baby, I was responsible for everything while he was in the hospital and recovering (6 weeks) at home. Then he spent a week in a mental hospital and I was not allowed to stay with him, so I was home with a 3 year old and an infant and had to do everything. It wasn't easy, but I did fine cause I wasn't only brought up to do just woman's work. Just last month I was so ill I could not get up out of bed or off the couch for about 2 weeks. My husband stepped up and cooked and cleaned and cared for the kids in addition to cutting grass, and caring for the garden and animals and fixing his truck. Thank God, between his mom and me, he already knew how to do these things. He didn't do them as well as me, but the house didn't fall in around us and we didn't starve. (though I did grow quite tired of deer roast, potatoes and carrots LOL his 'best' meal-so it was cooked often! LOL) My boys will be taught how to cook (and cook well) how to sew (basic repairs), clean, do laundry and, if the opportunity presents itself, care for a baby. (I don't currently have one at my disposal LOL) If I had girls, they would be taught woodworking and carpentry skills and home and car maintenance and repairs. Just because I support traditional gender roles doesn't mean I'm blind to extenuating circumstances that would cause a person to have to take care of both roles. I want my kids to be prepared for life, IMHO this means being able to take on non-traditional gender roles if need be.
I'm with Simply on this one, big time. I whole-heartedly support traditional gender roles. VERY much so. BUT.... I grew up in a home that was usually comprised of just my mom and I. Since my mom was disabled, I had to do everything. And I do mean everything. I did all of the housework, of course, but I also had to take out the trash, mow the lawn, change the lightbulbs, repaire a broken cabinet door, etc. There were no gender roles in our house. Now, as the mother of four boys and no girls, I am in the reverse position. I am blessed with a husband who happily cooks and cleans and cares for the baby. He also spent years working as an apholsterer for a limosouine company, which basically means he sews just as well as I do. And with all the reenacting we sew an a regular basis, he works right along side me quite a lot. All of that, I think, helps open the boys up to skills that would traditionally be seen as "woman's work." My oldest wants to be a chef. My second son ALWAYS wants me to help him do new stuff on the sewing machine. I don't want to have to worry about them not being able to take care of themselves in every way if they are single. I also want them to be able to help their wives care for the home in the event that she can not. I hear too many horror stories of friends who get sick and their husbands just lets the house go. So on top of trying to recover, they have to stress about the fact that there are no clean dishes, no clean clothes, and the kids are eating cereal from the box three times a day.
Interesting thread. I don't care about gender specific training. While I do think knowing how to cook, clean, and do laundry are useful for any gender, the car and house maintenance thing doesn't hit my radar. Those can always be hired out to people who know what they are doing. I grew up in a house where my mom did more of the fixing and I typically do more of that than my dh. On the other hand, my dh enjoys teaching the boys how to cook. I don't know if I could change a tire, but I can carry a can of Fix-a-Flat and call AAA if necessary. If my kids are interested in learning how to fix a car or repair something in the house they can learn it, but I certainly don't place a high priority on that. Why would car repair, house repair, etc be considered male roles anyway? No sewing allowed unless one of my kids requests it! I don't like sewing When I was in high school girls had to take home ed with cooking and sewing and the boys had to take auto repair. We switched classes for one week. They showed us how to change a tire, but I sure don't remember that from (I don't want to say how many years ago).
I don't teach to gender so much as to interest and practicality. I am not a great cook. Yet my oldest is a wonderful cook and it relaxes her and she cooks when she is stressed. It certainly isn't something I taught her because cooking stresses me out. (or at least figuring out what to cook.) I would love it if the boys showed interest...and they have to some extent. We have done some cooking and a bit of sewing. They are being eased into doing the laundry. And because my dh was a plumber, they can do a lot of that. (we have rentals and he takes them with to do the maintanance.) I know how to change a tire, but I don't know that anyone showed me...I saw it done and at least once have had to do it myself...but I have roadside now so no worries, eh? My dh is also teaching the boys to back up the trailer...and I don't think he showed the girls that...hmmm. but I taught him how to parallel park. Sex ed has been approached similarly for girls and boys ( in the theory/morality parts...non the physical parts ha ha.) Had a deal with dh that it wasn't going to be nudge nudge wink wink with the boys. Since I didn't homeschool the girls, I am not sure to what extent my sexism would have applied.
See I respectfully disagree with the depending on being able to hire out work. We have, in the past, hired out work hubby could have done himself. But right now, we're living off unemployment, we can't afford to hire out anything we can do ourselves. When our AC broke last summer, we had to fix it ourselves. It would have been easier to hire it out, but it was cheaper for hubby to fix it and we didn't have the money to hire out someone to fix it. As I said before, my goal is to prepare my kids for life. Yes they may marry and have a SAHM for a wife and as a general rule won't have to cook and clean and do laundry, but what if their wife gets very ill or does? I want them to be prepared. Not everyone can afford to have roadside assistance or AAA. We can't right now. Not everyone can afford a repair man when something breaks. We can't right now. I want to prepare my kids as best I can for when life throws them a curve ball, and by teaching them to do these common things themselves, I feel I am doing so in case they are ever in a situation like we are right now....
I agree with Sonita. Yes, you CAN hire out. But when you know how, you have the OPTION. You don't have to do it out of NECESSITY. I mean, do we REALLY need to know how to cook? You could just eat out every night....
I think it's important for both boys and girls to learn how to do things that are generally catagorized as a specific gender. My girl will learn to fix a car right beside my boys as well as how to do most home repairs, just as my boys will be expected to learn at least basic sewing.. and definately how to cook and clean. In our home, we never ever hire anyone to do anything for us (the only time one of my vehicles has had a repair at the garage was when the tranny went in my truck and we simply didn't have the time involved to rebuild it available to us, oh and we have our tires mounted and balanced at a garage because we simply don't have that kind of machinery available to us at home), and we have done everything from putting up all new drywall, to laying new carpets, to completely rewiring and moving plumbing in our house. When we happen upon something we don't know how to do, we learn how to do it.. and that is exactly what I want for my kids to learn more than anything else in the world.
I just want to hire out the cleaning!!! LOL Exactly, we used to eat out quite a bit when we had the money. 3-4 times a week some times. Now-we rarely ever eat out at all cause we can't afford to spend $25-$50 on one meal, when I can get a weeks worth of groceries for $100....Luckily, I know how to budget, plan menus, shop for the best deal and cook it myself.
Car repair and house maintenance are different though. Cooking is 1-3 times per day and laundry is constant. Cars don't break down or need maintenance that often. The need for a child to learn how to cook and clean far outweigh the need to know how to fix a car in my book.
Yes. We do most things ourselves too. We're patched drywall (when we moved to this house-it came with lots of holes since the previous owners were angry about loosing their house!! LOL) we laid tile in out old house, fixed AC, we've done plumbing and electrical work, hubby fixes most everything on our cars himself, In fact, the whole time we've been together (10 years) we've never took one of our cars to the shop (other than for tires like you), though when we get the money (one day.....:roll I'll have to take the van in to get the automatic doors fixed-he's tried and just can't fix them. But it's not a need-we can open them manually....I've built shelves to fit an exact space, we've built a few bird houses, replaced faucets, painted, tore up carpet, tore down walls, fixed a well pump.... I also think doing things yourself when you can is being a good steward of your money. It's usually quite a bit cheaper to DIY as opposed to hiring someone else to do it. But knowing your limits is good as well. I can do plumbing-hubby can't. He flooded our basement LOL and in our old house we tried to fix some pipes, but copper pipes are more difficult than PVC-I can fix PVC-copper requires some skills neither hubby or I have, so we did have to pay for help with that, but we did everything we could and paid much less by only calling a plumber to solider (?) the pipes back together. I think he charged us $30 (and we spent $40 on supplies so $70 total) but the plumber said had we called him to do the whole job it would have been around $200....
Depends on the car! LOL Seriously though, I agree-the need to know how to daily care (like feed yourself and make your house livably clean) do outweigh car repair and maintenance. But not everyone can afford a really good, dependable car. Even if you can, it won't remain a good, safe, dependable car if you don't know how to maintain it. The oil needs to be changed every 3,000-5,000 miles or at least every 3 months even if you don't put 3,000 miles on it. Filters need to be checked. Fluid levels need to be checked (I believe the recommendation is monthly on this). Tire pressure needs to be checked. And how do you know when you need new tires? I can only imagine how much it would cost to have all this done professionally if you did everything as often as it should be done. Not counting fixing major problems-just regular maintenance is costly. It costs nothing to check fluid levels and filters yourself. And hubby can change the oil in our cars for 1/2 of the cost of the cheapest place to get it done professionally. Now how many single moms do you think can afford this? Most I know can't. What about all the families with a parent out of work due to the economy, like ours? Lord knows I sure couldn't afford to pay to have all that done to my van. Luckily, I don't have to, cause hubby and I both know how to maintain a vehicle. Granted, I could rebuild a transmission, but I can jump a car off, replace a battery or spark plugs, various hoses and belts, basic stuff, I'm not saying our children need to know how to rebuild a motor, but basic maintenance and common repairs of parts that wear out and need replaced is just, IMHO, basic knowledge that people should know before they graduate and head out on their own. I think PS should have a life skills course that all kids are required to take that cover the basics. No, not everyone needs to know how to hang drywall or lay tile-though they are nice skills to have, but basic maintenance and repair of cars and homes is something I think everyone needs.
I understand your perspective. We've had two periods in the past 2 years where no one had a job or unemployment and we ended up having to move twice. I think we just have different viewpoints on what is important. Everyone has to pick and choose what skills are deemed as life skills for their children. I don't deem car or house repairs important although I can understand why others would. Standard life in the USA encounters those issues quite often. Knowing the ins and outs of a computer is a pretty important skill nowadays too. My point it we all have to hire something out. We all depend on having to hire out things whether it is car repair, computer repair, educational testing, carpet installation, going to the doctor, or swim lessons.
Not people who don't own a car or house If you are living a standard life in the USA I can see that though.
Maintenance and repair are quite different. You have to at least know how to upkeep your vehicle so you can take it in for standard maintenance. Rotating tires, safety checks, and oil changes are minor expenses if you have a vehicle. You would only be saving a lot of money if you knew how to repair the car.
