i know my ds would never have told the teacher at PS that he didnt want to do his math sheet, and complain about the instruction, that he wants to do it a different way.. how should i handle this disrepect? it slows us down, what should take 10 min takes an hour.
Huck, This is a tough situation! This is a time when I'm especially glad to be a Christian, becuase the first thing I do when things like this happen is to pray. I want to be able to respond in a calm way, but that's NOT my initial reaction! :? I try to figure out where the problem is coming from. Is it math he doesn't want to do? Is he tired cuz he went to bed late last night? Is he frustrated with you for something? Is he mad at a sibling or friend? Sometimes I go to my room and the child goes to his room and we think about it for 5 minutes. Then we come back and see if we've come up with any ideas as to why he may be feeling this way. This helps them feel important and like they have a say in the matter and are being listened to and understood. He'll STILL have to do that worksheet, it's just something that's got to be done. He needs to realize that he can't play computer or play with his friends or watch tv until it's done, and done well. Make sure you add the "done well" part or they'll scribble something out just to be done! Sometimes I have them get a drink of water and/or run around the house a couple of times to get their blood flowing. Sometimes I find that they don't think they can do it, so they don't even want to try. I tell them they are listening to negative thoughts, which are NOT true, and that I know they can do it. It may be hard, but they CAN do it, and I will be here to help if needed. Best wishes, he'll come around!
I agree with Deena, this can be a toughie... You will come to know him the more you school. It could be several things too: Some new homeschooling kids have this *idea* that homeschool is going to be nothing but play, or a time when THEY choose how they want to spend their time. In reality it can become that, but trust your gut on this one. Yes, you might make a mistake and punish him when he is really not having a *math moment*. But once he learns that its HIS attitude and willingness to *give it a try* as opposed to his completing the lesson will get him further, then you get a much more willing participant. So in *otherwords* the griping and disrespectful attitude won't be tolerated, but you will entertain how he feels, if he needs additional instructional or is it just a *stall tactic*.... I know you think this *slows you down* BUT here is a perfect example of keeping your homeschool goals SIMPLE this first year. Because part of homeschooling is addressing his attitude toward selflearning. It may be negative or positive. But you need to allow yourself the time to address it and *train him*. Don't think in terms of not schooling because you are. You are doing something that ps teachers do not have the time to teach. You are teaching the heart and trying to ignite a FIRE in him even though you might not think you can find one ember :lol: :wink: So take this time in your first year and hit it *head on* now, it will save you some grief later because you WILL KNOW later exactly what the problem is. You will be a pro and know if its attitude, curriculum, him , your teaching, your enviroment or even you. :wink: HTH Tina
I agree with what these ladies said. It does take a while to "deschool". And Deena had some good questions to keep in mind. Also, what is his learning style? If he is kinesthetic, you may want to try using more manipulatives of a software program for math, for example. These children have to do, they can't sit still. You may want to review the different learning styles and his personality. Also, his age. Maybe his lessons need to be broken down into smaller bits. or rather the blocks of time he has to sit and work need to be broken down with more frequent breaks. or try alternating "sit still" and "get up and go" activities. My ds is 10 and I'm currently looking at all these things to set up a schedule that will be more conducive to his style. He was Mr. Whiner last year.
I found with my ds it was a combination of several things Deena and other have mentioned. First, he was thinking that homeschooling really meant "no-schooling" and it caused a riff when he found out otherwise. Secondly, his stubborn will was stalling in the hopes of me giving in, which I don't do so I wonder why he tries so hard???? :lol: I told him that I didn't care if he was in a foul mood or not, his work would be completed at any rate before he did ANYTHING else--and we correct our work to 100% so that means it is done well, too. :wink: Last, but certainly not least, I needed to get a different curriculum for math. I now have no tears during our workbook times. It was absolutely a combination of correcting the attitude, being consistant, and being sensitive to his educational needs that brought about the change as a whole. I hope you glean what you need here. These ladies have literally saved my homeschooling life on more than one occasion! 8)
Unfortunately students will complain to ps teachers and not like the lessons. I even had kids in kindergarten do it. I doubt my dd would ever do that but she might later complain at home, lol. I try to explain to my dd that school is like her job. I'm sure you've heard that before. I tell her that adults have to go to work even if they are not in the mood or don't exactly feel like it. They must go to get paid to support themselves and their families. Kids dont' get paid in monetary rewards they get paid with intelligence and knowledge which will make their adult life maybe easier and their jobs more rewarding. Blah, blah, blah. After my speech, my dd is always ready to do work (it may be because I lectured her to tears). Whatever the reason, she is ready to stop complaining and do the job, lol! :wink: Oh, btw, I had a kindergarten student one year that constantly tested me. One day he wanted to try to interrupt and tell me how to teach the lesson (basically he seemed to want to take over). I was always annoyed but overlooked a lot of it because this child had ADD and a hearing problem. Anyway, I decided one day when I had enough and actually let him teach for a little bit. It was hilarious. The child was very smart and could probably have done a pretty good job but I kept interrupting him and acting as he did. I disrupted his lesson and he finally got the message. He was really better from then on out. I think most kids don't really think about the other person. Your ds, I'm sure, isn't thinking about how this must feel to you when he complains. I try to turn the tables on my own kids as often as possible so they can see what they are doing. Oh, and this student was really a nice kid and we got along well. I might not have done this with more sensitive students. One last thing, I let my kids know that I'm in charge. I teach my kids to be intelligent and independent. I want them to think for themselves and learn to make their own decisions. However, there is no decision making here. We must do school and therefore there will be no complaining. I will listen to their suggestions and try to work with them on what they feel works best. But, in the end I make the final decisions. I also ask for lots of feedback which helps them release some of their tensions about school related assignments/books/such. Hope this helps. I always look back at my posts and it seems that people don't comment about them. I must ramble, lol!
Number one hsing (parenting) rule: Never let 'em see ya sweat ! With Poppet, I have to use every ounce of patience, perserverance and prayer I can muster :lol:! When I sense a confrontation begin to simmer, I change tactics. Sometimes just making a goofy face at her can difuse the situation. Giving her a chance to get her wiggles out helps too. Worst case scenario, I have also sent Miss Poppet to the corner until she decides she will do her work (within 2 minutes she is ready..... staring at that blank corner is more boring than doing math :roll: ).
Wow- what good answers, ladies! I wish I would have thought to ask this question last year, when I was sitting at the table saying to Ashley "Would you complain to Mrs. So-and-So at school?! I don't think so! So, please don't complain to me!" It is hard bringing them home after being in a school environment- like Brooke (I think) said- it can take awhile to deschool them. And, Missy, in response to what you said- I've done the talk about school being like a job as well! It usually worked.
:lol: :lol: :lol: Missy!!! I'll reply to your post!.....when ds went to kindergarten at ps, he gave his teacher a run for her money. I knew that he was interactive and he has always communicated well and often with adults....BUT.....I had no idea how she felt about it until the parent/teacher confernence at the end of the 3rd quarter! She just went off about how he was "sucking her in" to conversations deviating from the lesson. Most of her complaints had to do with ds talking about Jesus and witnessing to his classmates. One of her tales came from the previous Thanksgiving when she was teaching about Indians worshipping gods :? ....she was upset because ds interjected with "they aren't real gods, they are pagan idols." 8) She said that she began discussing that with him and HE got her all sidetracked... :roll: :lol: .....at any rate, she told me that we needed to teach him that school is not the place to talk about Jesus......the whole time I was beaming from ear to ear! I told her that NO WAY would I squelch this kids fire! That was when dh and I really started to investigate homeschooling more. I told ds's teacher that it might be time for us to think about other educational avenues....and she agreed! She told me she thought that the school would end up being sued because of the things he says to people there :lol: ...oh, well, here we are now, right?! Deena....we use Math-U-See and love it!
Missy, I had a student like that, and I did the same thing: I let him teach for awhile and I kept interrupting him, using the same things he used to interrupt me. He got frustrated so I stopped, but he did get the idea! Course then he went home and told his mom that I was picking on him. She came in all huffy, so I had some explaining to do. I told her I only did it for a little while and copied the way he acted with me in the classroom, as an object lesson so he could understand from the teacher's point of view! She accepted that and was fine, and realized her son had exaggerated the story! Oh, btw, this boy was in 6th grade, and MAJORLY ADHD! He was a sweet kid when he wanted to be, but VERY emotional! I gave him jobs and tried to keep him involved and feeling important in class, and things went okay. But 3 years later, when I got pregnant for the first time, and found out it was a boy, I refused to consider the name of that boy in my classroom (he was only in my class one year) as a possibility, cuz I didn't want my son to be that way! :roll: :lol: I've also told my kids the "school is your job" thing. It's true, and they need to put forth the effort to do well in their job, just as daddy puts forth the effort to do well in his job! I even said, what if ddaddy acted that way to his boss at work? We actually started giggling, thinking of a grown man whining to his boss like that, but it got the point across! :lol:
Brooke, There's a family we're good friends with that use Math-U-See, and they really like it too! I kinda wish I would've started with that, but it would be a big jump for me to do it now, I think! I wonder if it's worth switching to now, at leasst for my 4th grader? It seems kind of expensive to get all the manipulatives for it though, and she's missed the intro. stuff. What do you think?
I think Jeannie cooperates even moreso if we doo some kind of wiggly thing before we get started, and a break after an hour helps, too. There are days where I think giving birth took less effort, though.
How wonderful of your son, Brooke. If I would have been that teacher there is no way I would have acted like that. I welcome those things. Even if that would have been a student of another religion, I would never stomp on their belief like it meant nothing. I think that's one reason I could never work in a public school-too many politics. People in ps (not all, but a good handful) are so afraid of religion. I am so glad our public schools still have God in their pledge of alegiance. They also have "time-out" which is an extra curricular activities group for Christian youth to get together. That's too bad that the teacher didn't have a better approach to that situation.
Deena, even though ds was in 3rd grade, he was not really learning math so I figured I needed to start over from scratch with their Alpha book. He flew through, but this time he learned the value each number had, not just memorized the facts--which he never really did anyway. The website has free placement tests to print off (not too many problems) and it tells you what to look for as your child is taking the test....like my ds was still counting on his fingers and that is something that they say to go back and relearn. They tell you that in the early years a child might not test "at grade level" but by the next book or so they will more than excede the standards the states have. All I know is that math wasn't gettin' done before and it is now....not that we didn't do "math" each day, but it is being retained and tolerated now! What more can a mom ask for???!!!
Deena, Funny you said that about naming your son. I, too, would not consider naming my ds any boys name that I had taught. I said that about my dd too but in the end dh won. He found a rare name for a girl and eventhough I had taught one Avery I gave in. This Avery was sweet and cute so there were no negative feelings toward that name at all. I do see that little girl a lot in my mind still eventhough she's an adult by now!!! I don't like to see other kids when I call my own child if you know what I mean....I like to start fresh and new. :wink:
I got the spelling for Faythe from a child that I didn't have personally in class, but I knew from school. When Faythe was born, her physical therapist told her that I spelled the baby's name the same as hers, and she was SO PROUD!!! We have the verse "Do all things without complaining (grumbling, whining, fussing) or disputing (arguing) Phil. 2:14 ("Mom's Amplified Version" ) I will ask, "Are you arguing with me?" The answer tneds to be "No, but....." I'm slowly convincing them that anytime the respond with BUT it is considered an arguement. I have been known to set the timer for the amount of time it should take to finish. If it's not done (or a good effort put forth to get it done, and I just underestimated the time it would take), then we put that subject aside and move on to the next. The work will be done later (when siblings are watching T.V. or playing outside and DAD IS HOME so he can help deal with it). I even told Rachael once that she could do her math at 6:00 that night. She thought and said, "That's when I have soccer practice!!!" So I smiled and said, "Then I guess you'll need to call Coach and explain why you can't make it to practice......." Boy, she got it done quickly!!!
Our daughters middle name is Joy. I had a friend in 7th-11th grades whose middle name was Joy. Noone even hardly knew her first name, cuz everyone called her Joy. She's was the sweetest, nicest, friendliest person I've ever known, so I WANTED my dd named after her! Besides, we had a couple of other possibilities for a middle name for her while I was pregnant. I asked my oldest ds, who was 5, which name he liked. He thought about it for a little while (he's always thought things through well!), then he said, "I like Joy, because it sounds like praising God!" So that clinched it, and that became her middle name. And she IS a joy---very sweet and nice. I hope she continues to be that way as she gets older!
