So my mother in law keeps making these comments such as "Well since Cameron will be home all day, every day with you, at least you'll always know where he is" and "so what are you going to do with Cameron home all day with you?" and "how are you going to like Cameron being in the house all day?". I mean, the first time I just chalked it up to normal curiosity, but now EVERY TIME we see her she makes these laughing little remarks like this. I mean, I have explained to her that I plan on putting him in boy scouts and a reading club at my local library, as well as scouting out some home school groups around here, but the comments don't seem to stop. I am not the "ignore it" type, so what is a tactful way to tell her to please stop making it sound like my son is going to be a hermit cooped up in a dungeon for the rest of his life?? Thanks for any advice!
Sometimes it just takes time. I seriously had an aunt ask me if i was planning on keeping the girls in the basement all the time. I asked her "Do I do that now?!" She said NO and I said "Why would I start it at the magic age of 5??" She said I had a point and the questions stopped. Some people will never get why we do what we do no matter what you do or say. I just keep chugging along and try not to let them bother me. I know it can be difficult at times. Hang in there!
Sorry you are dealing with your mil. You can always say, "I think you've already beat that dead horse"! Or, "I think we've covered this material already". Or, "I feel this is a non-issue". I must be unapproachable because I've never really had anyone say too much too me. But, those who know me know that this mamabear will get her hackles up if they mess with her kids. Some people just like to get a reaction or hope you will open the door for them to tell you what they "really" think. My boys went to work for the grocery store over a year and a half ago. The manager is a small minded, judgmental, narrow minded and petty person. If she had her way, she would have never hired my boys, good thing the store owners gave them a chance. (She would not hire me due to me having asthma-illegal, but she doesn't care-my asthma would not prevent me from stocking shelves, she just doesnt want an asthmatic working there) She has made comments to my kids that they aren't what she "thought" they would be like, they are outgoing social butterflies. Proof is in the puddin'! My youngest ds' new boss, he is now a Title Clerk, wasn't sure if hiring a homeschooler would be good due to the LACK of socializing. Well, she is now glad that she gave him a chance! My boys homeschooled from K-12 and they are successful young men, gainfully employed who are doing very well for themselves. They grad from Abeka Academy in May of this year. Youngest ds grad a year early so he is 17. People will shut up after they discover they are wrong!
The most tactful way to tell her to please stop is to directly tell her to please stop, with love.:angel: I do not believe in beating around the bush. It leaves to much room for misinterpretation. Since this is your mil, if your husband is able to then he should tell her to stop. I also see a big difference in being approachable and being expected to listen to her sarcasm. She can approach you with a question and this is fine but when she keeps harping on the same thing, it is no longer approaching but becomes nitpicking. Although it will not feel good, she needs to be told to stop. If this was happening to us, and it has, we would have to stop talking to her for a bit if our wishes weren't respected.
I agree with Patty - if she doesn't come to her senses, realize it's *not* that funny, and stop, you (or your DH) need to tell her to do so in a direct, firm, kind manner. IMO, this is all about her issues and her not wanting to spend long hours with children. Think about the lyrics in the song, It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas, when it goes "And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again." And, also IMO, some people never get it. When I was expecting #2, a neighbor and I were discussing my birthing plans. She suddenly got this look on her face and asked about pain medication. I replied that I didn't expect to use any. She became completely undone, gagging, choking and gasping (seriously), telling me I had NO idea what I was in for...All I could do was look at her. I had ALREADY given birth (in less than ideal circumstances) without medication - whereas she had been COMPLETELY medically anaesthetized for both of hers. It seemed to me (and still does), that I was the one who actually did have a notion of what was to come. This story isn't about medication-free births (hey, we all do what we need to). It's about the fact that she had bought into an idea with which she had no personal experience, and it was beyond her imagination to consider an alternative. You'll be fine. And remember, you can always ask her to pass the bean dip.
I would launchinto a series of detailed answers.. give her more than she could imaigine.." well we plan to start schoolin at Said time, and using such and such lesson plan we will do such and such... next we will go to English and the first week we plan to study, such and such in Science, OH! I am so excited about ---yadayada yada .. then of course we will take a break for Recess ( Call it tht they always like to hear the break called rECESS for some reason! Lol ) Then after recesss we will ... I am totaly serious! Details will quiet the most inquisitive person! I go overbard sometimes but thats cause I am so excited about my home teaching.... but my kids correct me so watch what you say that it is excact! lol dd makes sure people know sheis independant learning too! lol
You know, regardless of the topic of the converation, I find more and more people react like this about MANY if not nearly EVERY topic in the world today. It is a form of arrogance? Duunno. But people seem to have forgotten the "Different Strokes for Different folks" way of living... Live and let live..... Etc.... Amd since when is it OK t be so publically disagreeable about someone elses personal choice? Manners are completel dead/ or dying.
Ot? I agree. I think so many folks think manners are only about whether your elbows are on the table or which fork to use. My husband shops at a couple different chains that offer mens suits/shirts/etc, and they both regularly stock books with titles like "How to Raise a Gentleman," or "The Right Thing to say at the Right Time." I have poked through several, and they are lovely books with great sentiments. The "Right Thing to Say" book gives examples of better (and less mannerly) responses to a given situation. These books really really make me reflect how we (I include myself in this) so often get so caught up in saying the first thing that comes into our minds, we neglect someone else's feelings and thoughts.
I agree. My Grandma tried giving me her opinion, and I told her that it wasnt up for debate. She tried again and again I told her it wasnt up for debate. She hung up on me and didnt talk to me for a month, lol, but now she doesnt bring it up anymore.
If direct politeness doesn't work, you can just respond with, "Wow, I have the strangest sense of deja vu!" Over and over again. Maybe she won't think that is funny.
These are such great suggestions and you've all been so supportive. I agree, Jennifer, manners are so dying in society. I got an email from the MIL again asking about Cameron's "staying home all day" and did a combo of your ideas. I gave her about a 2 page schedule of our home schooling plans, then advised her that her remarks about Cam doing nothing but sitting at home with me seemed belittling and that I really wish she would accept our decisions regarding her grandson. I told her that if she wanted to know more about the home school process to please let me know and I can send her links to help her understand the process better, but that I would appreciate it if she would not make comments like these in the future. Haven't heard back from her yet hahaha! DH was ready to call her and yell some, but I told him to wait and see what comes of this. We'll see!
Stacey, Good for you, keep us posted. I liked the idea about laying on the details. I remember when I was preg. with my eldest. my (then)mil would always comment, when breastfeeding came up..."if you can" It just made me crazy...She had breastfed and so it wasn't that she thought it was weird or anything. So I finally called her on it and she said "well, I didn't want you to feel bad if you couldn't." I told HER "I will be devestated if I can't, but you cannot really prep me for it." The comments stopped. I would always assume misunderstanding of what they are trying to communicate. Clarify and then fuss if necessary. I think you handled it well. I guess I am so lucky that the worst comments I have gotten are just people surprised that the school doesn't give you the curriculum.
My aunt was like this. She'd say, "oh yes, I forgot. You homeschool. Well, when she goes to school...." Drove me batty. She's one of those more interested in prom, homecoming, etc. than actual academics. I don't talk to her anymore. I had a falling out w/my uncle over another issue. They were very self-absorbed. Then I have a K-teacher friend. And she'll say, "You're behind? Oh my"...I think it makes them feel better. Sometimes I'd just like to say, "Yes we are because I don't push my kid through like a bunch of cattle like you all do in PS!":twisted: But I don't and for the most part don't talk to anyone about it who has less than pleasing things to say.
Well, thankfully, I haven't had any relatives behave this way toward us WRT homeschooling. (They are totally dysfunctional in many other ways, but that's another post for another day! LOL) Miss Manners says in her column that when someone asks you an uncomfortable question to reply, "Why are you asking me that?" or "Good heavens, what would make you ask a question like that?" It puts them on the spot and makes them realize how rude they are for asking it.
Hey - I saw that line in It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas..... you know something - I can't WAIT for them to start school again on Monday - LOL They SOOOO need their schedule back. I hope she responds in a positive manner. My mother used to call me "brave" in a laughing manner. She's stopped now - but only because I ignored it and didn't take the bait.
