I'm not really sure where to start. So, bear with me if this post seems a bit disconnected. If you're really concerned about what's happening with their education, get involved. Use your 'social time' with the kids to do something fun & educational. Education does not have to be textbooks & workbooks. Do Science experiments. Go to a local museum. Build a catpult & talk about ancient & medieval weaponry. Talk to your wife. Ask questions. Ask her to explain which homeschool method she's using. Ask why she chooses the materials she does. Instead of criticizing the job she's doing, show some interest in what they do all day. Then, once you know what's actually going on, voice your concerns & offer some ideas (in a polite, not condescending, way). As for using a hodgepodge of materials for curriculum, that isn't always a bad thing. Most of my curriculum is pieced together using supplemental materials, materials I create, books & other resources from the library, books from our collection, and activity & Science kits. I use almost no textbooks before high school level courses. Picking & choosing the materials (the way I do it or just choosing a different publisher for each subject) is called the Ecelectic Method of homeschooling. The Eclectic Method may also involve using pieces of various homeschool methods, instead of using just one method. Maybe your wife is attempting an Eclectic method - trying to find what works best for each child. The Eclectic Method can often be the best way to go, but it can also be hard to get the hang of it. If she is struggling with it, help & support from you may go a long way in improving the situation. Are you sure that no Science or History is being learned, or do you just assume that due to lack of textbooks on those subjects? Could they be doing experiments, activities, nature studies, watching documentaries, reading library books on the subjects, etc.? If your dd doesn't know the times table, it means that is an area to work on. It doesn't automatically mean she's behind. She may just struggle with Math. Consider a different Math Program. Look into games for multiplication practice, there are many online. The same goes for Spelling. Many kids have bad handwriting. Practice should help, or try cursive or italic instead of print. Schedules & routines are not everything. Just because she doesn't plan certain times or a specific amount of time for each subject doesn't mean that nothing gets done. We wake up when we feel like getting up. Eat breakfast soon after waking up. Eat lunch about 11:30am, dinner about 5pm, and the kids have set bedtimes. We go to the library & do grocery shopping on the same days each week. That's about it for a schedule for us. We would never stick to a strict schedule, so planning one would be pointless. It may look chaotic to others, but for some it works quite well. There may be a lot more happening during the day then you realize. If she would actually benefit from a schedule, helping her come up with one might be helpful. Don't try to force her to use a schedule, though. Your wife and/or the kids may function better with a very flexible schedule & you trying to force a srtict one will not help. Now, I'm not taking sides here. I'm not saying that your concerns are unfounded or that your wife is providing a proper education. I'm also not saying that you're right & the kids are behind (or will be). I don't know all the details of the situation, so I won't say either of you is right or wrong. I'm simply saying that before you do anything, make sure you really know what goes on while your at work. Then, if there is a problem, try to fix it first before you consider shipping the kids off to public school. Public or private schools work for some and may turn out to be the best for your kids. However, I wouldn't give up on homeschooling so quickly & easily.
Oh - and we've had weeks were I have been just too stressed and I call it "video week" - where all we watch are videos and eat popcorn all week. Sounds goofy huh? but it works - weirdly so but it worked. It took the stress off me. Does she school year round? Sometimes I find since we do that, we seem to be lazier than others. We don't use too many text books.... some - but not a ton - personally I raid the library right now. It has also taken us 3 years to "get it together" with what we are doing!
I think you need to take some of that time at night and teach the children too. Your wife sounds like her plate is full. yes, you work but so does too, she teaching, cleaning and cooking. Give her a break and say hay Honey let me do Math 3 days a week and writing 2 days a week to help you. My dh helps alot in schooling the girls and they love that time with there dad. they are your children too and you need to step up to the plate and help. I am sure she would love to have some fun time with children too. Don't be so hard on her, help her instead. and remember everyone teaches and learn differently. we are all made differently.
I'm assuming your daughter has never been in school? If not, has she ever been tested for any kind of learning delays? Some of the problems you're describing are signs of different learning differences. Personally, I would do the following: ---get a standardized test just to see where she falls [remember, though, these tests are TOOLS and INDICATORS--- they aren't and don't recommend themselves to be used to place kids in terms of grade levels; they just indicate areas where a child is weaker than in others] If the test scores come back dramatically out of sync with where you feel they should be, then do the following: ---look into having her tested for learning disorders, either through a private person or through the school [our local schools will run the tests and can make suggestions as to how to proceed but can't provide any actual services unless you're enrolled] ---take some time to look at HOW she's learning [i.e. what's her learning style..workbooks, computer-based/visual, hands-on, etc.] and then look at your curriculum to see if they're matching up ---formulate a schedule and routine with your wife and make sure the two of you hold each accountable to sticking with it. Personally, it sounds like from this little bit that you've posted that your wife is just not very organized. This makes homeschooling MUCH more difficult. If you've been at homeschooling from the beginning, then it seems like she should have the hang of things by now as that would be anywhere from about 7 years or more. I think it is more than a bit concerning that she doesn't----- again, this is assuming you've been homeschooling from the start.
IMO, you have three choices: 1) Go around your wife, enroll the kids and spend a couple hours a night doing homework from the school. 2) Take an hour or two a night to support the home school. 3) Keep things the same. Assuming it's true that she's only getting an hour in (are you really sure if you aren't there?) she needs some support. You're a parent and whether your children are home educated or public educated, you as their father should be involved in some way in their education. I'd choose door number 2 were I in your shoes. Either way a frank discussion with your wife sounds overdue.
Wow. Really good responses. I agree with supporting, and asking to be involved in the process of choosing the curricula. A mishmosh of books can work well (we left boxed curricula this year to do a more Charlotte Masony type approach BUT we do still have a schedule, we do have standards, and my husband was involved with the decision making process). Ultimately, it is up to me, as my husband works full time and I do agree that when he's home he should enjoy the kids and not feel like it's "school time" BUT he does do educational stuff with them...field trips, games, reading, impromtu science experiments, etc. Even watching educational videos and discussing things with them. He insists (as do I) in testing every year, even though we live in a state where we only have to do it/report it in specific grades. This way we know we're on track. My middle son has trouble with Math...but that is HIM, not that I'm not teaching it. Does that make sense. And my husband steps in when necessary. There are AWESOME computer math programs out there that might be a way to compromise with your wife. Maybe something like SOS or Teaching Texbooks would be a way to go. Maybe working with your wife and children to determine their learning styles, etc. I agree with advice to GET INVOLVED without making your wife feel like you don't trust her (which is how it sounds like it's happening right now). Hoping it works out for you guys!!! Homeschooling IS a great educational choice, when done in a way where your children learn, are excited to learn.
First of all, I spend an hour a day at least on math here most days so unless she is only doing math I really don't know how accurate that is. You could ask her if you can take over the Math assignments for dd and go over it before work, then expect her to work on it herself during the day. Give her a reward for the work. My ds has been working pretty much on his own this year, hes 12, so same dif since yours is a dd. Then you can look at the work for like fifteen mins of your day before the fun time with dad! This would work great if she gets more fun time the more work done durring the day. She is old enough to understand responsiblities. Okay, I would also suggest getting math U See or Teaching Textbooks or even Some sort of cd math games for your dd to play on the computer. If she is not getting the times tables this is fairly normal, even my ds who went out to school in High school is not quick to answer times tables. But that does not mean we dont work on it. My son tested into the highest level of Math in College btw. Somethings you just have to keep reminding yourself on. You can play games that use Math in it like Diploma Dogs and flash cards etc. Other ideas are to work together on a scheduel that works for both of you. Tell her you would like to be more supportive and more helpful in schooling now that your dd is in Middle/jr high levels and ask her to help you in planning it. Give her encouragement that suggests you understand she is trying to achieve so much wiht the three ages you have given it is a challenge! Mine were 3-4 yrs apart and that was not easy. If she has found a friend that has the same teaching method maybe they can swap teaching courses even? I planned to do that with a friend that ended up going back to work herself which brings up another thought... When she put her kids into Public School they had to be placed behind due to the fact she had missed a couple things> now one was just one year but one child went back a couple years just because she had been slacked upon. Before I let my child go into a public system that would probably fail her I would work on bringing her up to grade level according to the system at least. It would not be fair to the child to give up on teaching her... just work on it. Create a check list for your dd and have her personally hand it in to you or put it into a box for you to check it as if it were a business even! She can have things like, Watch Science video ( available online or at library) on Mammals -- write two to three sentences about things you think are cool on it. then Read a story to younger sibling. Be prepared to tell me about it when I get home from work. Next Take a break and have a snack Fifteen minute break for snack is good, 20-30 for recess time. Then give her stuff like, Fill in the blanks times tables or play mathblaster computer game for 30 minutes. Print out certificate if completed level such and such. things like that make learning fun and my ds loves it when I give him creative lists to follow. Somedays we dont get through it all, but for the most part he is learning more this year with my sporatic lists and disorgainsed teaching than before> His History text is Mystery of History and I have started having him just read and then do his quiz or discuss what he was reading> Today we discussed the formation of Denominations and why they get started so differently! WOW eh? His amount to do varies with what I have to do that day around the house and I teach a class outside the home as well as tak ehim to another science co op so those are inserted in as well. Ecclectic homeschooling works but you need something to follow, I use a list more than a schedule this year, so I am encouraging you to try that first. Okay I was interupted by phones, and two people during the writting of this post so forgive any errors in typing and I hope you can follow what I did suggest! Be blessed not stressed it will come together just take the time.
That would definitely be my biggest fear. If you are even thinking about putting her into the public school system, then you need to see where she will place on a standardized test. I have heard so many times of parents that were shocked when they put their children back into the system and they were 2-3 grade levels behind.
Oh boy. Where to start with this one. I have a feeling this father has very little knowledge of what his wife is doing because what he described was a typical day at our house.
Does the mom have any behavior issues with the child? If the child whines pouts and carries on and doesn't want to do the work, that would be discouraging to the mother, at least it is to me, and I don't put up with it at my house! AND my kids have a chore list of things to help out with around the house. 11 is old enough to do quite a bit really. Vacuum, put dishes away, make beds, take out trash, check mail, feed dog, ect. Colorado Mom, do you mean you only do one hour a day of school? or did I misunderstand your comment? IF his wife keeps a journal or log book, as she should be doing, the father can easily see what his wife isN'T doing, everyday. I agree about testing the child. IF she scores low all over the test, I would give the mom a choice, PS or a packaged curriculum and a strict schedule. I have found that even after meeting our hours, I have to occupy the kids with something or they drive me crazy! So we frequently do 5 or even 6 hours a day, even if we don't need to. Videos, puzzles, artwork, computer time, library books, books on audio, writing letters to someone, cleaning house, cooking, cleaning, exercising, listening to music, practicing an instrument, foreign language, painting, drawing, math problems, SOMETHING! There are so many things to busy a child and keep them learning at the same time.
I read most posts and some great advice has been given, so I'll try to be as concise as possible.... 1) I don't think you need to be teaching your kids entire subjects when your wife is at home all day. If she isn't able to get the children taught during that time, you both need to determine why she isn't able to accomplish it. Maybe she is focusing too much on housework or other things that need to be set aside until the schooling is completed. My dh has OCD and I used to be so concerned with keeping the house "just so" (which is impossible when your spouse has an illogical condition ). It overwhelmed me and until we could both come to an agreeable solution, my time management didn't lend itself to completing school in a timely manner. 2) If your concerned about your 11yo math skills, maybe she just needs to have a different approach/curriculum for math. My son struggled with this as well until we switched to Math-U-See. Once he understood that multiplication was adding quickly with the visual aides, he flew threw math. 3) I still have to pray for organization and follow-through because my personality type doesn't lend itself to routine. I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal. But after years of making mistakes, hubby and I have finally got the right mix of support and responsibility delegation. Homeschooling works beautifully when all components are at optimal performance. That includes dad, mom and children all working together to meet their family goals. So much for being concise, huh? Guess it isn't a simple, one-solution problem. At the very least, you and your wife need to discuss what needs to be accomplished daily while you are away and then figure out what needs to change to make it happen. Be encouraged! We've all had to tweak things that weren't working for us.
and might I add.....get her on here, too! If she is struggling she would greatly benefit from the support she will find here. I got on here while I was floundering early on. I was able to glean so much from the experience of others on Homeschool Spot. Thanks again, parents! (I'd say ladies, but we have accumulated quite a number of dads now, too )
I am thinking if my husband came to me like this...I would be pretty defensive too. especially the part comparing educational levels. hmmmm. On the other hand I would LOVE it if my husband could even PRETEND to be interested in my curriculum choices/anxieties/dilemas. So You might start by asking what she is using and what she likes/doesn't like about it. Ask your dd too. (the older one) Use that as a jumping off point to do some research yourself on curriculums...such as Teaching Textbooks or whatever...many of these sites also have placement tests...so you can set up with your dd that the two of you are going to find her the perfect math curriculum...and then maybe, if she really is behind your wife might see it. (sometimes the trees and forest get confusing? yes.) (I mention math because it seems like that is your main concern.) You might mention that you feel it is important to have flexability and you appreciate that, but that and literally say right here. "humor me. I would like dd to have her math assignment and an hour of reading done before she can go visiting anywhere." That is less a husband telling a sensitive wife what to do...and more like a father making a reasonable rule. ?? What does everyone think about that. I do NOT think that you should precipitate an arguement...if your daughter is really behind, she is not going to fall of the edge of the earth in the next few weeks while you cultivate a leg to stand on. (mixing metaphors willy nilly) I also agree with CoMom...because it never fails my dh comes home from lunch when the boys are still in robes and pouting about some fight, with absalutely no schoolwork done...rather than the day they pop out of bed and help each other and finish before noon, so we are baking some bread out of a viking recipe book that we just translated from ancient runes. lol. (and from Dr. Phil's book) sample discussion... "dear, I am so happy that you get such a kick out of having the children around you, how lucky they are to have a mom like you. I sure wish I could spend that kind of time with them. (heartfelt sigh) I am feeling a bit left out of thier day and I was wondering if dd and I could go over some of her stuff and she could show me how it works?" then later... "dd was showing me her math, and I am not sure it is challenging her enough. Would it be ok with you if she and I researched some different curriculums, found out where she is and see if we can find something that will really appeal to her?"
Alexis is 10 (4th grade) and she did all her school work in 1 1/2 hours (yesterday's schedule was math, la, history, latin/greek, & literature) - and that included a LA test. She has a schedule she follows and once she sits down to do work - she barely ever gets up. My son (13) gets up, procrastinates and all sorts of weird stuff (wants to know the plans for the day even though he already knows them - garbage stuff).... so he takes forever. But he has the same subjects as Alexis - just at a different level. Oh - I don't keep a journal... I'm not required to. But I do try and keep each printed weekly schedule.
Yup. Sometimes he gets it done in an hour. What should I do, force him to do more? Everyday we do: Japanese Math History Reading And yes, sometimes those 4 things take an hour if he is on top of things. Then on other days I add in writing and vocabulary, geography and science depending on how our day looks. If we take more than 2.5 hours on school then that was his chioce and he went slow. That rarely happens. I wouldn't know what to do with 6 hours of school time honestly. And yes, most days we start WAAAAAAAAAAAY past 10 Am. Yesterday he started at 1PM and was finished at 2:30. He did history, reading, Japanese, math, a little bit of geography, and writing. And yes, I have a "hodgepodge" of curriculum. It's called the eclectic method. And yes, we take off days to for friends, and movies, and whatever else strikes us whenever we feel like it. Why do we do it this way? Because this is homeschool and we can. We like it. It works. Her method might be working too. Her method might not be working. I'm only saying that his description sounds an awful lot like my house and my DS is learning everything he needs to know - so his best bet is to stop judging her and instead go talk to her to see what is going on.
There are days when my daughter (sixth grade) gets all done in about an hour or an hour and a half. each day we do Math, Literature, Science, History, Handwriting, Bible. She enjoys school and does well at it. I do add extra projects to keep her busy and she also practices the piano quite a bit. She studies for 4-h horse club, but I consider all those extra things. I suppose you could count them as school. But if she is focused and doesn't fiddle around, she can get done in 1-2 hours
Since my ds is folding paper airplanes, and besides eating breakfast that's ALL he's done all day, I think I'll pass on putting my 2 cents in on this one.
Okay I am back. So it's not about quantity but quality of learning time. I see how depending on the child the about of time spent learning can differ. I would just like to see and know more about what is being taught, how it is being taught and home much time was spent on it. If i ask my 11yr old what she did she cant tell me. If i ask my wife what school work was done she acts as if i am undermining her teaching. You can probably guess by my login name that my profession has to do with architecture. Due to the slow down in work I have moved my practice to my home office 3 weeks ago. I have not been home the entire time (meetings, client interviews etc) but working from home has allowed me to be more aware of what a typical day might be like at home. Granted, i am in another room of the house working but I still have some awareness. Support seems like the common thread among comments; even if it's just verbal. Still figuring this one out and how to go about it. thanks for the suggestions.
Having you work from home could have caused a change in their routines also. I would not know if this is the case with your family, but my husband is considered a home-based employee (although you would never know it because he is rarely home). We live close enough to the corporate offices/demo center that he goes into the office quite often when he is not traveling. However, when he is working from home, it changes our routine even though he is busy with work and not involved.
