So, does she get defensive if you ask to see the work? In that case I would worry, because in my eyes that would mean she is not doing what needs to be done. Just let her know you are not undermining her you just want to be more informed and when she gets defensive it makes you feel as if she is not doing what needs to be done. Because if she was, she would jump right in at any chance to tell you the great things they are doing. Now how about telling her "I need to say a few things to you, I need you to listen before you say anything and please let me finish. Then tell her you are not undermining her in any way, you just want to be part of this also. Whether that means a "hey we are studying about structures this week, would you mind giving some input" or "we are stuck on some topics in math, but we are working through it". Just tell her in the most caring and understanding tone you can. Make sure you don't use too many "you this" or such statements. This way there can be no offense taken. Let her know how important this is to you, and you want to be involved. I hope all works out for you. Could you possibly pop in during a school day, since what you have stated doesn't take too long, so it could be your lunch hour or a quick break. This way you can see first hand? Now I can tell you that with most kids they will tell you "i don't know" when you ask what they did even though they did learn something.
Okay, this is just MY PERSONAL OPINION, so I hope nobody takes any offense. You've admitted to not being supportive of your wife & her homeschooling the kids - that you don't really trust her to provide them with a proper education. If I was in that situation & my dh came to me questioning what we did that day, wanting to see proof of our schoolwork, quizzing the kids, etc. I would be very upset & an arguement would ensue. Also, some of the things that have been suggested - telling her she has to use a packaged curriculum, forcing her to stick to a strict schedule, telling her how to homeschool, putting the kids in public school regardless of your wife's opinion/wishes, looking over what she does with them every day - are incredibly disrespectful. These suggestions make it seem more like she is your employee or your property; as your wife, she should be your partner. You should seriously consider the possible negative effects before doing any of them. I know that I, personally, would have major problems with my husband treating me like that, and the lack of respect that it shows could be enough to make me walk (I don't believe you can have a healthy relationship with someone if either one doesn't respect the other). I truly believe your best option is to show support & interest - genuine interest. Quality is what matters. This is one of the reasons I don't set times for our subjects. If my dd is putting in effort, she could get her Math done in 20 min. If she's procrastinating, fighting, whining, etc. Math might take 1 or more hours. I think the longest we've gone was 6 hours for 1 Math lesson. This was due to not wanting to do it & lack of effort, not lack of understanding. So, in my opinion, time doesn't really matter. If you show genuine interest in their homeschooling, your wife will be more likely to explain things - what method she's using, why she chooses the curriculum she chooses, her educational philosophy, the kids learning styles, the kids weaknesses, etc. I also agree with considering having your dd tested for learning disabilities. I have 2 kids - dd11 & ds6 - both have very special educational needs. I don't mean special needs as in "all kids are different, so each child has his/her own 'special' needs", but as in several professionals have told us that it's good we homeschool because neither child would be able to function in a public school due to the combinations of needs & the severity of them. If I didn't know about these special needs & know how to work with them, homeschooling would be a lot more difficult. There are a lot of differences in educating a special needs child. Curriculum often needs to be tweaked. Some methods work better for certain special needs. So, having her tested for learning disorders might not be a bad idea.
I need to agree with the other Moms who say it is more difficult to teach when hubby is home. Having hubby home, even if he is in another room working, just changes the routine. We all have a harder time focusing and getting our work done.
After 3 weeks with hubby in home office, I would think that there would be some routine to the day. Whether a schedule or not, there should be certain subjects that are daily (reading, writing, arithmetic). Just to put a different spin on it, I would be leery if dh was home teaching all day but didn't seem to get anything done and wouldn't talk to me about his methods or show me any work. Also, I would consider it my duty to pursue answers until I was satisfied. I don't see it as disrespectful. One parent has been put in charge of schooling. If the other parent is concerned that the level of schooling isn't up to par, then it is their duty to speak up even if it causes an argument.
That is what I was trying to say, but you said it better. I know I don't get defensive if I am asked what has been done or in that matter what has not been done. This is my job, if I had a boss he/she would do the same thing. why is it such a big deal if the husband asks? We have to be accountable to someone. Why not our spouses? If a spouse is concerned then there might and probably is reason for concern. Is anyone else have a spouse that voices concern? If not then you are doing something right, but if yours did wouldn't you be willing to try to prove yourself and what you are doing? To be able to continue? If the children are not being taught and the other spouse feels this way and the "teacher" is defensive about giving details then it is time to take action! Whether the "teacher" agrees or not. There can be no reason at all to get defensive about being asked what was covered today. Hey if your kids were in ps you would ask their teacher and not think twice about it.
Funny, I actually purposely wait to do some of my dd's work until my husband gets home. She behaves better when he is there! My opinion is that this is a concerned father who truly cares about his children! How can any of you tell him he is wrong for that? If my husband was concerned that I wasn't doing a good job, I would EXPECT him to ask me what's going on... I would be concerned if he didn't! Just because his child's teacher is his wife, does not mean he has to not worry or butt out. If he was worried about a ps teacher, he would say something... it's no different here. Yes, if the child buckles down and really works hard, it is possible to get the work done pretty quickly, but this wouldn't happen every single day. The child doesn't know basic math facts at 11... this shows there is NOT enough work going on here, not that she is just working hard and getting it done fast. I doubt she has a learning disabiltity that the parents don't suspect. If she did, it means the wife needs to work even harder! That's no excuse. I agree with everyone who said homeschooling isn't a license to slack off. Sorry if I sound so cold... I'm in a hurry (trying to finish this before my son finishes his math work).
I wasn't saying that he shouldn't voice his concerns. I was saying that he should think about what to say & how to say it before he does, so he doesn't make the situation worse. She's likely defensive due to the fact that he has never supported her homeschooling & does not trust her to educate the kids. I would be. I'm not talking about an occasional concern or curiosity about how things are going. He admitted, in the first post, that he has never supported her homeschooling & does not trust her to educate them. Due to that kind of history, the approach taken when voicing concerns can make all the difference. If he comes to her & says "I don't think you're really educating the kids. They're behind & it's because you don't do enough," she'll get defensive, they'll likely argue, and NOTHING will get worked out. If he goes to her showing genuine interest in the homeschooling, showing that he wants to support her & the homeschooling, they will more likely be able to have a civil & productive conversation. This is my last post on this thread. I just wanted to clarify the apparent misinterpretation of what I had said.
Brandi, I did not mean you. I mean a lot of us as a whole. I also understand where you are coming from. Now he has had to trust her at some point to even let the homeschooling start. IMO
I think it is obvious that they need to have a talk. They need to get on the same page and possibly come to some sort of compromise. I think he knows his wife best and the best way to communicate with her.
I think the problem with any post that asks for other people's opinion about a situation like this is that we have to fill in too much because we are only getting one side of the story and we tend to pick up on the things that strike a cord with us somehow. We cannot really know what the homeschooling parent is doing or how their talks go or if the child really only does an hour every day or much else about it. All we really only know for certain are two particular things: The feelings he has expressed about it and the feelings it invokes within ourselves, which results in our responses.
Actually - I'd be more upset if my husband came to a board and starting posting something about me without TALKING to me. I capitalize TALKING because there is "talking" and "TALKING".... Joe (DH) worries about certain things about our kids education which is why we started a curriculum hunt after our first year. He expresses his concern and I figure out what he wants to "see" and then go from there. Honestly after 3 years we JUST came to an agreement I THINK with everything. If he didn't voice his concerns to me (and I get defensive very quickly - even when he's being reasonable) then I honestly wouldn't think he cared. DH is home Wednesday - Friday and it completely screws us up no matter what I try and do. Today even Jake called me while I was in the hospital with dfd getting her tonsils out telling me "Dad wants me to work - so I'm not going to do all the problems - I'm only doing the even"..... yeah right I email DH who laughs and says that he asked him to unload the dishwasher..... (gotta love having email and such at the hospital!!)
Most states require a journal, log book or other written record, or samples kept of students work. These may not have to be shown to anyone, you just have to keep them in case an issue comes up where they are needed. I keep a journal and it only takes literally 5 mins of my day. If anyone wants to accuse me of educational neglect, they will have to get past that journal. Also I keep my library receipt and receipts for any books, materials, or supplies for our HS. Even if a state does NOT require a journal or record of any kind, it would IMO be foolish not to keep something of the sort. You basically have nothing to show anything you did.
A printed weekly schedule is basically the same thing, it is a record of the work they do. So yes, in a way you are keeping a 'journal' of sorts
However much time a child spends on schooling depends on what laws that particular state has. I understand MO law to be 1,000 hours each school year. Now if my child sits down and gets 4 or 5 subjects done in one hour, I would by law have to find something else for him to fill the hours with to make the time. That is the way I have interpreted MO law to be. I know those laws vary greatly from state to state. If you feel comfortable defending yourself in front of the prosecuting attorney (that is who I would be in front of in MO if I were to be 'turned in' for educational neglect) and telling them that your child only does one hour a day of school, then I hope that works for you. Sounds risky to me. :shock: IF my child were that bright, I would be digging her up some meatier work. Just because a family home schools does not mean the child should only do a few mins a day of learning and play or visit the rest of their time. A child should be schooled to reach their full potential. I guess the amount should vary according to their age, but the posters daughter is 11, not exactly a little tot. If one thinks about that, a child can drive, get a part time job and starts thinking about college and dating by age 16. She has 5 years until then, and cannot do basic math, write legibly and sounds like has had little discipline in doing work or completing undesirable tasks, or learning to enjoy work. It just sounds very unideal to me. I would be scared for her if it were MY daughter
To each his own. And my son is 12 - so if he can get his Japanese, Pre-Algebra, American History, and Reading done in an hour why should he be punished for being motivated? Seems counter productive to me. I mean, after a few days of that my kid would figure out that he should slow the heck down so he'd have less work work to do. If he is motivated to work hard, he should be rewarded. I just take a different view of education before high school than you I think. Personally, if I'm going to push my kid to succeed I want it to be in the years that count. And while 7th grade is approaching that time, it is not there yet. Over all my philosophy is that I want homecshool to be the time where he discovers what he loves and I am less concerned with what the government thinks he should be doing. LOL...that's funny. Prosecuting attorney! LOL... :lol: Honestly Peanutsweet if someone tried to prosecute me for my homeschooling methods I'd GLADLY take them on. That would be a heck of a lot of fun. Come on now, seriously? I really hope that was a general statement and not a disparaging remark about my homeschooling because that would be unnecessary. Let's not sink into the "I'm a better homeschooler than you" debate. It is so counterproductive. And I might add that the reason I am so unconcerned with "educational neglect" is because I have 100% complete confidence in what I am doing. It doesn't matter who comes to my door, my child is educated. There would never be a way for them to say otherwise. I don't need a log or journal to prove that. All they would have to do is talk to him and the issue would be closed.
I don't think anyone is attacking anyone else's method of home schooling. It sounds like you are confident with your child's progress. This father is not happy with where he thinks his child is in academic readiness and since the mother can't provide anything for him to see of their day and education then I would be seriously worried if someone came knocking on their door. So not to get off topic, but she was talking about the question at hand. Should this father be concerned and how should he approach the mother about his concerns? There are many states that do require a specific amount of time-whether in hours a day or hours a year or days in a year of school. I do agree that you should have some sort of paper trail even in states that don't require it should someone come knocking. He is well within his right to ask the mother for some sort of breakdown of their day and what is being accomplished. I totally agree with a pp that you wouldn't be so happy if your child was 11 in public school and the teacher couldn't tell you anything that was being learned and the child couldn't either. I hope he tests the child with a standardized test to be able to have a calm conversation with the mother about where the child is at academically and where to go from the results.
Oh my- we all seem to have our knickers up in a bind over this topic! This is very unlike us! The father asked very valid questions and opinions-no one is debating that. We have given him our opinion on the matter (and then some)- now it is up to him and his wife to decide what is in the best interest of their family.
Sadly, this has nothing to do with her view of education. We, in Missouri, are LEGALLY OBLIGATED to educated our children a set amount of hours. 1,000 per school year, to be exact. We are limited in regard to what those hours have to cover (at least 600 in 'core classes') and where they can be logged (the 'regular school location'). If I let my son do an hour a day we would not be legally compliant. Fortunately our state is relatively HS friendly, but if I were ever called in to the prosecuting attorney (which RARELY happens) and I couldn't show him an hours log with around 4-5 hours a day, then I would not be in compliance with the law and there WOULD be consequences. The alternative is to flat out lie and count each subject as an hour, as some parents do, but the law clearly forbids.
I'm curious if you consider that "homeschool friendly" what a state would have to do to be unfriendly? While they may not be demanding everything other states might, they are maintaining a position of authority over the education of your children in a rather arbitrary and obtrusive way - which IMO is a violation of your rights. I would call that barely tolerant, certainly not friendly.
