I need to get some feedback from some other conservative moms here. My dd9 just checked out a book from the library and while I'm thrilled that she is finally showing an interest in reading, something in my gut had me wanting to read it before she did. You know that feeling you get as a mom that something just isn't right? Well, so I started reading this story about an 11 yr old girl whose mom lives with her boyfriend(unmarried) and she has an uncle who had a commitment ceremony with HIS boyfriend and the main character(the 11 yr old) has a crush on a 20 yr old guy! the other girls in the story are very catty with the "mean girls" in the school and call each other some very harsh names. Now, I know this stuff actually happens in real life, but I've done my very best to protect my kids from this kind of lifestyle. Am I being too protective? do I risk crushing the little interest she has shown in reading by censoring right off the bat? or do I maintain the standards I have worked so hard to establish in my home? I want to protect her heart and mind and hold her to Godly standards. But I also don't want to be the one who discourages reading. She is only on page 5 of the book(thank goodness!) This was in the childrens section of the library BTW. Feedback,anybody? I think I already know the answer to this,but ya know...?
Well, I think we should be just as careful with what we read as what we would watch on TV or any other entertainment. Even though this stuff does happen in 'real life' it doesn't mean that we should subject ourselves to it willingly. I like to keep in mind Philippians 4:8 to help me pick my (and my daughter's) entertainment: "Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are of serious concern, whatever things are righteous, whatever things are chaste, whatever things are lovable, whatever things are well spoken of, whatever virtue there is and whatever praiseworthy thing there is, continue considering these things. " Perhaps you could ask her some questions about the content of the book and help her reason on how God feels about those things. Then you could share some scriptures with her about pleasing God and how what we choose for our entertainment is important to Him. Here are a few scriptures you could use: Romans 12:1 - Everything we do is related to our worship. Acts 15:28, 29; 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10; Revelation 21:8 - we would want to shun any entertainment that portrays in a positive light activities that violate Bible principles or break Bible laws. Romans 12:9; Psalm 34:14; 1 Timothy 1:5 - We always want to turn away from bad. Psalm 119:11, 129; 1 Peter 2:16 - We should allow godly principals to guide our heart and mind This is all a part of training our kids; helping them to make good choices. I don't think you will discourage her. If you help her to come to the decision herself she will probably feel proud of herself for making such a decision. It sounds like you already decided to do this anyway. Trust your gut. :angel:
First, I wouldn't let my kids read it. Second, was it in the CHILDREN'S section, or the YOUNG ADULT section? (And no, I don't think it's appropriate for teens either, but it still makes a difference!) I picked up a historical fiction book by Anne Renaldi in the children's section. Actually, I was a bit surprised, since most of her books are shelved under YA. I started reading it aloud, and then put it down because of some adult themes. I also discussed it with the librarian. She promised to review it and perhaps move it to YA. I've been going there for years, and all the children's librarians know me and my kids, so it's not like I went in complaining. We've really built a good working relationship over the years.
Honestly, I have been appalled at some of the books I picked up in the children's section of our former library. Tons of content I just thought was quite inappropriate. And in that library, the YA section was contained within the children's section (Altho on different stacks). It's tough. I try to keep a close eye on what my kids sign out (we are now at a new library where kids sign out under their parents' card, so it's way easier), and I also provide tons of reading options myself. I try to find things that will be appealing, but where I'm also comfortable with the content.
this was in the childrens section. I understand that reading material for "tweens" is limited, they're at an in-between phase emotionally,but she is still picking out of the childrens section. I may talk to the librarian. thanks for bringing that up.
I think it has alot to do with Desensitization. Put this stuff in the Children's section so they read it, and get used to it and view it as normal acceptable behavior. Just like most people don't bat an eye to a 14 y/o girl walking into walmart in boyshorts that say "Sexy" on them and a midriff/cleavage showing top. It's the same. If they read it everyday then they can possibly see it as acceptable and normal. IMO, books are the same as TVs or Computers. Monitor them. I mean, what is a book? To me, it's a television in my head. Rarely do I see words. If I'm into a book, all I see is the movie running in my head (hope I'm not the only one....that would be awkward. lol). Periodically ask what she's getting out of the books she reads. What is the underlying message? How does it sit with her? What does she think of the main character in the book? Can she relate to the main character in any way or not? If you let her read it then ask her these questions, listen, and counter with your families values. Letting her read it could let YOU know where she stand in the values region. If you choose not to let her read it: I would explain why you think it's innapropriate, ask her questions about what she thinks about it, if she thinks it's appropriate. Either way, it's a good way to establish your values in the home, and see where she stands! You're an excellent mom for watching what she's reading!
I wouldn't let my child read a book like that at age 9. I don't even have my 8 year old read anything related to romance. I might talk to her about why she chose that book. Maybe it sounded interesting. The library has many great choices. It also has many poor ones. I might go the route of having her choose what she wants and having you screen them prior to her reading them.
If your convictions go against the book, don't allow her to read it. Why have convictions, morals, and values if you don't own them? You have them for a Godly reason. Stand by them. Your child is 9. Ems is 12 and I wouldn't allow her to read the book. Yes it is the world we live in. As your child grows older, she will slowly learn more about the world. But at least it will be taught by you with guidance and not be glamorized and blatantly tossed in her childish face. Stick to your guns.
I wouldn't even allow a teenager to read that. Like everyone else, I think books need to be monitored just like other things. I would not subject my child to something like that on purpose. Sure, it's reality and it happens (and my children are taught tolerence), but allowing them to read it is kind of like saying it's ok, IMO. If you don't think the content is 'ok', then don't allow it.
Well. I wouldn't let my 9 year old read it, but an older child perhaps. I can't condemn the mother since I live with my unmarried boyfriend(legal matters actually do inhibit our 'marriage', unfortunately) and my brother is gay so my child will have to deal with that anyway in life. It's perfectly natural to have a crush on an adult(I was 'in love' with my bus driver when I was 5) so as long as it isn't showing them actively pursuing a relationship or seeming to say that a relationship with this man would be okay for this girl I would allow it. As for catty remarks, it depends on what they say and how it is portrayed(Is it showing that it is okay to make these remarks about other people?) that would affect whether I saved it for an 11 year old or a 14 year old.
So, I would not let my child read it either. My question though is... is there a place that has book ratings (like movie ratings) for content? It would be nice to know ahead of time.
From what you described that book is just plain wrong for anyone. I am so sorry to be blunt. Perhaps you can interest her in something else. Tell ya what...ask her what she likes about the book then come back here and maybe we can help guide you to something else.
First, let me say that I would not let my child continue to read the book. But sit down and explain why to her. Secondly, I have always been rather strict in what we read. But, with three growing boys (and books that interest me, or are relevant to our schooling) it means that I cannot possibly read everything before they do! I was pleased one day, when my then-8yrold brought me a book he had checked out from the library and said "Mom, I don't think I should keep reading this one." When I asked him why, he said one of the main characters keeps trying to cast a spell on her sister. (These spells apparently never worked, but still..) I was very proud of him for realizing that we don't read about magic unless we have talked about it. (Up until then it is kind of hard for a child to discern between magic and fantasy in a book, so we always discussed the book.) Your daughter will understand, and hopefully she will begin to discern why a book looks interesting, and what types of books she likes! MT3
momandteacherx3 does make a good point. The more discussion you have with your daughter now about this book and how to choose the books she will develop a discernment on her own in time. My kids have and it makes things much easier.
Olly makes good points. I think it may be a bit mature for a 9yo. I "censored" my girls until age 18. I tried not to be real obvious, but we would talk sometimes about why I chose to say no to a book. Some books that I was uncomfortable with, we would talk about. I had to do this with a couple of required for school books. (they were both in ps) It brought up excellent conversations. Ask your daughter why she chose the book and what about it appealed to her, maybe you could ask the librarian for some suggestions of books that are simmilar in style without being quite so...well...difficult. I restricted the girls on all those teen and tween books that had to do with dating until they were around 15. (they could date at 16) But it WAS a challenge with dd the eldest who was about 100 years ahead in reading ability...just because you CAN read it, doesn't mean you SHOULD. lol.
There's no way I would let... my child read a book like that. I wouldn't even read a book like that. My oldest child is almost 19yo, and he has never read anything like that. When my children first learned to read, they read things like Dr. Seuss, Frog and Toad, and Poppleton. I purchased a bunch of Christian novels for beginning readers, and they read those, plus the ones the local library had. They then read the classic Hardy Boys books (I wouldn't let them get any of the newer books). They read lots of non-fiction science and history books. I bought books recommended in homeschool catalogs like Veritas Press and Beautiful Feet. I bought G.A. Henty and R.M. Ballantyne books. I bought Lamplighter books. They read my Creation, Answers, and Reminisce, and Reminisce Extra magazines. My older two children have been voracious readers since first grade (the younger two like to read but not quite as much), and they've never run short of books. We do have a great library nearby, but before we moved close to it, I used to make the 55-minute drive to it every few weeks, since my then local library didn't have much of anything. Here are listings of books that you should be able to trust: Classical Christian Homeschooling's 1000 Good Books list.
Ok, I have talked to my dd about why she chooses particular books and she said she likes the books that have cool graphics on the cover and and are very "tween drama-ish". Anything I pointed out to her that was more appropriate, she wasn't interested in. I also looked at the list of 1,000 good books and was basically informed by my kids that "old books are boring!". Sigh... I guess this is partly my fault. I wont' read a book that wasn't published in the last 5 years. I just can't get into classics. so the search continues for clean, decent books with a "cool" character and storyline. This was so much easier before puberty and Disney channel. Thanks ladies for confirming that I am doing the right thing! some of my own family told me I was over-reacting and being too conservative. they think I'm sheltering her and that I will warp that poor child!
Try reading some of those "old" books out loud to her. Start with Black Beauty, or The Secret Garden. CLASSIC doesn't have to mean BORING!!!
Tween drama books would be out of the question here. If my child never read an ounce of fiction because of it, I'd still be okay with my decision on that. They will read. People read for all sorts of reasons including news, how-to, academic information, spiritual growth, cooking, parenting, etc. I don't read for entertainment. EVER. I read encyclopedias as a child for information. They were fascinating to me and that was therefore entertaining I suppose. The only times I have excitedly read fiction was to read aloud classics like The Hobbit and The Chronicles of Narnia to my kids. My point is (trying to bring it around! :lol: ) having standards on reading content won't affect their reading over the long-term. People put way to much emphasis on kids reading fiction and trying to make them love it, IMHO.
