The mama bear in me is so mad right now! My dd9 is such a sweety! She just has a lovely and loving personality! So to see her hurt just tears me up! She was just at a neighborhood "friend's" house. She and the girl were playing outside and having a good time. Then a girl across the street from the first girl came over to play too. Suddenly the first girl started being rude to my dd. She had two snowball maker things, and she and my dd had planned on using them, and the girl had just gotten them. Instead of giving one to my dd, she gave it to the other girl. They ran a little ways away and started playing with them. She looked over at my dd and said pointedly, 'Wow, this is sure fun!" and laughed. "We're having a LOT of fun, aren't we ______?!" she said to the other girl, then looked at my dd and laughed again. When my dd tried to join in, the first girl pulled stuff away. So my dd started walking away, and the girl yelled, "Ohhhh, Pooooorrr Baby!!!" and laughed again! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! :evil: I'm not sure whether to let it go as a stupid, mean girl thing, or whether I should tell the mom, or what. Any ideas? My dd came home crying, and she hardly ever cries! :cry: Tell me again why some parents send their kids to school to go through stuff like this everyday saying their children need the "socialization"???!!! Nobody deserves to be treated like that, especially with no provocation!!!
Your poor daughter!!! I can't stand to see people treat Ems like this. If being friends with the girl is important to your daughter then I would talk to the parents, nicely, about what happened and let them know you understand children take sides from time to time but this really hurt your daughter because she thought they were friends and she was teased in the process. If the parents say anything in defense or negetive about your daughter then you can let them know your daughter will no longer be playing with their child because this is not the influence you want your child to be subject to. I guess it will also depend on the type of people they are or claim to be. If your daughter really isn't interested in a friendship anymore then I would leave it alone and not allow your daughter to play with her anymore and if the other girl asks why she doesn't play anymore then your daughter can let her know. This is a tuff one. I have had to talk to a friend before and she punished her daughter but maybe these parents do not hold the same values. Patty
I agree with Patty, I don't know Deena I wonder about that S word I am about ready to go into the deep woods and stay there.
Can my family and I go with you Kris? PLEASE!!! But really, that's exactly the way I was feeling after she came home crying! Thanks Patty! I'm not pushing her to continue this friendship. This girl has been rude before, and my dd just blows it off and tries to be nice to her, a good Christian influence, you know? But she's never been THIS bad, so maybe I'll just keep my dd away from her, at least for awhile...
That sounds like a good idea! Emma had a friend or so called friend in ballet. They would be glued together during dance but at the competitions all the participating schools came together, she would ignore Ems and stick with her other friends. She and Ems did a duet last year and both won a specialty trophy. After receiving it Ems followed her all the way to the back of the room trying to tell her she did a great job and she would see her later. When the girl sat with her other friends and Ems finally caught up Ems told her she would see her later and she did a good job. The girl rolled her eyes and said, "Okay fine! You didn't have to follow me.", and the other girls snickered. Handsome went to get Ems and he heard what happened. He gave her a big hug in front of everybody and told her he was so proud of her. I contained myself when I heard because I am an adult,...Lord knows I wanted to rip that little girls eyes out and say something cutting. Praise God I have some self control!! Patty
IF I could have contained myself, I would've liked to have been where your dh was. After she had complimented the other girl, and the girl responded that way, I would've wrapped my dd in a big hug too, and said, "But dear, YOU did a MUCH BETTER job, because YOU were kind and polite!!!"
I have gone through similar situations with my kids so many times it is not even funny. I wish there were not any mean kids but there always seem to be some around. Once Bill asked me why a kid at church let all the other kids see a toy but when it was Bill's turn the other kids wouldn't let him touch it. Bill was about 6 at the time and this kid was always mean to him. I said well Bill he is just a mean selfish little boy and that is why he did that to you. Bill looked at me so sweetly and said Mama I think we need to pray for him. Remember, this is my mentally handicapped child teaching his mother what Jesus would have done. Beth
That is so sweet Beth! I feel bad that I did not suggest that to my dd! I will have to do that soon! Thankyou!!!
What would Jesus have done. That is a good reminder!!! Now granted, scratching the girls eyes out is just an expression of my feelings at the time and not that I really would have or even wanted to, but still, I was running on momma bear adrenaline and at the time my thoughts of the girl were not kind or Godly . All I could think about was my daughter being kind and the girl being cruel. I need to remember this more often when I give my daughter advice about handling situations. It is such an instinct to become angry when an person hurts our babies regardless of their age. We are often blinded by our love for our little ones. Thanks!!! Patty
Deena, its my experience that girls at that age just act that way. Thats one reason my dd has had one good friend , not always the same one, through the years. Girls play games and are catty. When we were Childrns ministers we had a special class I taught called "Girls Club" that dealt with issues like being friends to all and such because I was sick of watching the girls be one kids friend one day and stab them in the back the next. I think yoru dd was good to come home and tell you about it, but if you mention it to the mom sometimes it causes more problems. I think that if you do not make a big deal about it, but allow her to be hurt and heal that she will be able to handle it better the next time it happens, and believe me it will happen. IF she has a little friend to play with other than that child, have her choose to play with the other one for a while. It may teach the kid a lesson. Lol, you may think this is mean, but as I was working play ground duty a week or so ago I actually told two girls the same thing, Go play with someone else and have so much fun that the other girls will want to come and play with you. Then you can decide if you want them to play or not, only think about what Jesus would do too. Just know that there are other kids to play with than just the one you want to play with. It seemed to help and the little girls with hurt feelings actually ended up playing together like best friends by the end of the day while the mean ones were off by themselves not having as much fun. I am tired so I am rambling but I hope I gave you some sort of help. My ds has some friends that are snobby like that too at times, but somehow it rolls off his back now that he has a new friend Gabreil, God has blessed him with a friend who likes the same things as he does and who will play with him WITH othe rkids not excluding him. It takes a good kid to do that.
Rachael didn't get invited to her best friend's birthday party about two years ago, and that was VERY hard on her! There was some excuse (which I felt was rather flimsy, but that's beside the point!) The two girls survived, her mother and I survived. Interesting thing is that THIS year, she's not been invited again. Rachael's friend has told her that she's "not sure" she's having a party this year. Personally, I find that hard to believe! There's two older girls in this family, and they ALWAYS have a party of somekind for birthdays. I think Rachael's simply not been invited, and the girl's keeping it a secret. They're middle school age, and I think Alyssa has more friends at school and doesn't think Rachael will "fit in". One of Alyssa's other friends doesn't like Rachael AT ALL. We've talked with Rachael how she needs to be polite to this girl anyway, regardless of how the girl treats her.
Wow, that has to be hard on her Jackie, give her a hug and maybe take her out for pizza and ice cream that night so she is not how thinking about it. Deena, come lets get out here and get in the woods. I don't understand it.
Me, too!!! Remember I was "interested" in my old church camp? I guess we all should have gone in together on it. And I just gave away the camper with the bad roof!!!
I would have gone in with you on it! I want to have a camp someday...actually God told me I would inherit the land and I am just waiting on His timing. But I want one for kids who want to go to camp so bad but they can't because of finances or something like that, My plan is for the ones who CAN pay to pay for enough to fund scholarships for those who can't. I planned this when I was 13 and we could not afford to go that year after hvaing been to two camps and several trips the year before between my two sets of parents it was a let down. I think some of my happiest childhood memories are in the year I turned 13. In regards to girls, my dd has always been bright so she has been set aside from the other girls, you knwo the ones who think they are all that? I had to get on a sunday school teacher because she was using dd as an example and I could see what it was doing with regards to the other kids. Now they are all intimidated by her and she has become shy at making new friends because her best friends keep moving away. I know homeschooling is the best thing, but I often wonder if that is why our kids get seperated from friendships, good or bad they are nice to have, friends.
Rachael is also one of those kids who does well in just about everything she does. When she was about 7, she came home saying, "Alyssa says she can dance better than me!" I told her, "That's probably true...." which upset Rachael. I mean, how could her mom not back her up, lol! I explained that Alyssa has been taking dance since she was four, and she's learned a lot, etc. I ALSO told her that it's OK to not be the BEST in everything. It's a good thing to be able to admit others are more skilled/talented/better in certain areas, you can't be the best in EVERYTHING! Besides, a friend that always has to be the best in everything would be difficult to be around!
that is so true! I think she doesn't act it, but the rest of the girls see it, you know what I mean? I was hoping that maybe in sports she would not be so good, lol mean mom that I am, I want her to learn to fail as well as excell you know? I see this as a big hindrance winning all the time, being so good at so much, that other people keep telling me, wow she took to this so fast, etc. I try to play it down especially in front of her peers but it even impresses me. I know she takes after her daddy cause my hubby is like that too. In most things.
My oldest ds is like that---he's really good at a lot of things. Schoolwork was a breeze for him until last year. The BJU classes were HARD! Very good, but difficult! He was NOT happy when he couldn't "conquer" that stuff easily, so he just didn't accomplish much for some time! We had talk after talk about it being okay not to be the best in everything, but he still had a rough time of it! He's doing better now. But, TMom, I was kind of glad he "hit a wall" there, and had to struggle some. Things came so easy for him that he wasn't very understanding when people struggled with things! It was a good life lesson for him! My dd is that way too, although not as good at sports. But she has a very inquisitive mind and catches on to things way faster than I do. She's very good in maths, sciences and music! The thing is, she's also very sweet and loving so people like her! (ds was NOT sweet and loving to others!!!) I know girls are this way, but it was just so out of the blue and uncalled for that it hurt me to see her hurt! She was so wide-eyed innocent---Why would someone treat someone else that way???! We talked about it and prayed about it, and she's okay, but just kind of sad that it happened! I think I'm past the "rip your eyes out" stage now! :lol: Thanks everyone for your thoughts and comments! I still just can't imagine sending my children to school. I don't want my sweet little dd to pick up on those bad habits! I LIKED that she was so surprised by how some people treat others that way! I WANT her to be innocent about that kind of behavior, and have an aversion toward it, and ever treating anyone else that way!!! In school it seems to be the norm. I remember that stuff from when I was that age! So keeping my kids away from that kind of socialization is fine with me!!!
Deena and Jackie I am so sorry that your girls had to go through that. People talk about boys being mean and bullys but seriously they are nothing compared to girls. Girls can be soooooo mean to each other. I have always told my dd that a true friend will always be your friend no matter whose around or whats going on. If someone starts being mean to you for whatever reason then that person isn't friend material. I have let her make the decision on whether or not she wants to subject herself to that. I told her that she is a good friend to others and she should always expect her friends to be good friends and if they aren't then she doesn't need them in her life. She now has so many good quality friends and is aware of true friendship. She also sees that my best friend and I have been best buds since we were nine and I think that has taught her as well. Now for the girl who was being rude at a dance contest - that is just horrible!!! Was the teacher aware of the other girls actions? I know when dd was in dance that was never ever ever allowed and if the instructor found out there would be heck to pay. All girls were expected to not only encourage their own team but also other teams they were competing against. The way that girl acted to your child is nothing but a reflection of her parents.
What chumps these girls- in Jackie and Deena's posts- sound like. I could help you guys handle this, but I'm betting your hair would curl first! Seriously, I went through this tough stuff last year at Brownies. You see the girls acting like snotty little twits, being rude to your kid, but you don't want your kid to become hateful like they are. There's no easy answer.
No there is no easy answer. Sometimes the mother in us fights with the christian in us. As a mother we want to throttle these types of girls and tell their mother's what we think but as a christian we know we shouldn't. It's tough. All we can do is raise our kids to the best of our ability and pray that these types of things happen don't happen too often. It is soooooo tough to see your child be the butt of others cruelness.
