My husband and I spank as one method of discipline. However, what works for one child is not always the best deterrant for another child, in my experience. When we do spank, we talk to them first and explain what they got in trouble for and that they knew the consequence was spanking. They made the choice to disobey and so they should expect their punishment. After a spanking, we always hug them and tell them that we love them and that we don't want to spank them, but we have to discipline them. We rarely need to spank our son any longer, he usually stays in line. Our daughter is a little more 'stong willed' and spankings aren't quite as effective as they were before. For her, we've found that sending her to her room (or to bed early) is worse than any spanking. (She's extremely nosey and can't stand that she doesn't know what's going on).
Thanks we were ask that question recently. We used spanking when the kids were little and now that they are older we don't have to use it. They know what is expected of them, they also know how to act. They know if they misbehave in epecially at church, they will be punished. We have taken our ds out and spanked several times when he was younger, now (at 10) he never has to be taken out. The Bible tell us to disipline our children. If we don't we are hurting our childern. The person who asked me the question couldn't believe I have ever had to spank my kids. She was asking me, how we have got them to always act right. I told her we put our thumb on them and they know how to act.
It's funny you said that, we recently had a similar discussion at church. Our children (now 3 & 5) are finally good at sitting quietly in church. I bring a notebook for each and some crayons and they're content to sit quietly until church service is over. A friend asked me how we got "so lucky" having children that could sit through church. I had to laugh! I told her that we spend the last several years TEACHING them that sitting quietly and participating in church was what was expected of them. If I had a nickle for everytime I had to take one (or both) out to get them quiet...... I agree with you, it's our responsibility to discipline our children and lead them in right direction. Proverbs 22:6 is one of my favorite passages.
I don't want to offend you or anyone else. But I beleive that when children leave the nursery they should also leave the snacks and the coloring/ wirting also. When you come into worship you should have only your Bible and a highlighter to mark the passages with. You should also not move nor should you talk. Also you are to never ever run nor play in the church house, it's God's house and you should have nothing but the up most respect for it. Children should be taught this and when they do not treat it like a place of worship then they should be delt with. We were brought up doing these things and now we are applying them to our children. We both were brought up with very strict rules for church and other places. My parents only spanked me very few times and most of the times that I did get a spanking it was because of the way I acted in church, like running, playing, or sleeping. I was not a perfect angel but I learned the hard way how to act, so have my children. Again I am sorry if I have offended anyone. Proverbs 29:15 says: The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. Proverbs 20:11 says: Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.
I respect your opinion about the way we are to act in church, and I adhere to many of the same ideas. However.... Both of my children are young enough to go to the nursery, but I've chosen to keep them in the service with me for the purpose of showing them what church is about--not nursery playtime. This being said, they are too young to read (especially the books of the Bible, although they can recite them). My children don't take drinks or snacks in worship service, but I do allow them to color in Bible coloring books, and look at church-based storybooks during services. We are teaching our children how to act appropriately during worship service. Not to offend anyone, either, but I think sometimes there is an important lesson to teach our children about putting things into perspective. Yes, we should teach them to act responsibly and respect the facilities they are in (just as in any setting: school, stores, friends homes, etc.). I think it's also important to teach our children that the building where we sit to worship is not holy ground. It is a place to worship, just as your home is or anywhere. I heard a speaker once call the church building a "sheep shed" because it is a place for God's sheep to gather in security, but it is not a holy site. If a tornado were to come and wipe it all away, the church would still be alive and well although the church building would be destroyed. I hope I haven't overstepped, I know we've gotten off of the origianl post. My apologies.
It's a tough question to ask... I do believe in spanking. HOWEVER, it's not something I do on a regular basis. Often times when it come down to the need for a spanking, I am quite often upset and I don't like spanking when I'm upset (or angry - whatever the case may be) because there is too much risk for emotions behind the spanking and I fear that I would unintentionally harm a child in doing so. I have waited for a period of time before I did spank but I have also fore warned whoever that it would be coming and in the end it seems to have been most effective because I'm not angry (or upset) and the child tends to remember it more. Brenda
We spank, but only when the parent is calm. When my kids were toddlers we would spank immediately, especially when the child's disobedience has put them in danger (walking to the road after being told not to, etc.). Now the disobedience usually occurs outside the home so the child is told that when we get home they will receive a spanking. I've taken to using a paddle of sorts rather than my hand. For one, my hand and wrists hurt when I spank with my hand, and secondly a friend told me about a study that brought out that God says to use a rod in the Proverbs. The study also talked about the child associating your hand with punishment. That was enough for me to switch....no pun intended :wink: . Brenda, I completely agree about the emotions needing to be taken care of first, at least if your emotion is anger. I recently spoke with my dad about how he would send us to go find a willow branch for him to use as a switch. He told me that he did that so he would have some cool down time before spanking us. Incidentally, I was 17 the last time I received a spanking. And I deserved it.
Our kids are almost 5 and 7 1/2. Now that they are older the only time that they get spanked is if they out right lie to us or put each other or themselves in danger. We have expected from the get go that when we say no that that is the answer. There is none of the "but mom" junk. No means no means no. Our boy (7 1/2) the only thing you have to do or say to him is his name harshly and there is no need for anything else. You have his attention and he obeys. Our 5 yr old (girl) is another story. She is a tad high strung. She has to be told if you do that again you will lose this toy or that toy or whatever and that always works with her. It is a matter of finding what works and doing it.
I agree when we speak our children's names in a loud way, they know they are in trouble. I have only spanked one time out of anger. When my dd was about 3 or 4 she was caught tearing the pages out of her Bible. Other than that it was usually after we had calmed down. I was given a paddle by my father-in-law when my dd was 18 mo. he told me to use it so she would know the right way to act. I have only used it on the kids a few times. I do used it on the cats on a regular basis. It is good to hear and read that some parents still use spanking. So many times parents try to be a buddy or friend to their children instead of the parent. It sad to see so many kids telling their parents what they are going to do, and the parents letting them do it. It's one of my pet peeves to see a parent let their child misuse the church. It really goes all through me when I see a child writing on the seats, or climbing on the pews, or rolling on the floor, and the parents just let them, they also leave paper and trash on the floor. To me that is showing very little respect. I was always taught to treat the church as a place of worship the Lord our God. Your right its not holy ground. But it should be treated with the upmost respect. I have always told my children that we want others to treat our home with respect thats how we are to treat others homes. That includes the Lords house.
I don't want to start a debate, but I'm going to answer your question. I do not agree with spanking. I don't feel that hitting a child is a form of discipline. We are all children of God. Could you see God hitting one of his children because they didn't obey? As for children sitting in church, I agree that parents must teach their children to behave and respect God's house. I do not like to see children misbehaving in church and not showing respect. Of course children are children and they all misbehave at one point or another, but it's up to the parents to teach them. When my children act up, I take them in the hall and they must sit on my lap until they are ready to behave. My children are allowed to look at books or color during church. I believe it is hard for children to sit still for an hour and listen to speakers. Sometimes I have a hard time sitting still. But they are quiet and they are being exposed to God's word. I really hope I haven't offended anyone and I don't want to cause contention. I just wanted to give my opinion.
Just adding my two cents - I skimmed over the posts, not fully reading them, but got the jist of what we are talking about. I did spank my children before my dh's oldest son came to live with us four yrs ago. We were awarded full custody due to his bio mom physically abusing him. At that point in time dh and agreed we would no longer spank. When we did spank it was never out of anger, but due to what this little boy had been threw we choose not to spank any of our children anymore. Time outs and taking privledges away has worked great for our family. I have family members and friends that spank their children and I dont disagree with it, I feel it is your personal choice, do what works best for your family. There are times when my children are being grounded from their PS2 or whatever and they will ask for a spanking instead!! LOL So Vicky for our family we dont spank, but again, I feel it is a personal choice and what is best for your family.
I beileive in spanking, if used properly. I also agree that if you do it when they're younger, you won't need to when they're older. I had to spank my 5YO the other day. Afterward, we talked and all, then I came downstairs to the computer. He came down, crawled into my lap and said in a very small voice, "Mommy, I love you anyway!" Crystal, I also believe that children who were abused need special discipline. I also would be very hesitant using any kind of physical discipline with them. G007, God does discipline His children, and sometimes He does it in harsh ways. We just finished reading through Joel, where the prophet was predicting devistation from plagues of locusts. Think of how many times God sent invaders into the country to turn the hearts of the people back to Him. I beleive that a God of love is also a God of discipline. You can't have one without the other, and SOMETIMES love HURTS. Now, I find the question about coloring books in church interesting. My kids are only present for the Praise and Worship part, then go to their classes. I've never been one to pull children out for P&W, but I also beleive that they can be engaged meaningfully in this part of the service. As far as the sermon goes, I'm not sure. When i read aloud to my children, I will let them color or do a puzzle or stitch while they listen. DH asked me waht's the difference. But at the same time, how will they learn to listen if we give them other things to occupy the time? (I also have trouble with older kids being pulled out during the sermon. Our old church even had the high schoolers leaving!)
Vicky you spank your cats too. I sometimes will lightly pop mine with the fly flap. When they sharpen their claws on the couch or the carpet. I am a Southern Baptist and I agree with Vicky. You must be a Southen Baptist too. Because we are brought up believing that the church is the Lords house and that you do treat it with respect. That means no running or playing inside. I spank my children because the Lord tells us to in Proverbs. He rebukes us and is very disappointed when we do wrong. We are to teach our children that there is a price to be paid when we disobey. If we don't then they will never understand that when they get into trouble in the world. The world is not going to sweetly talk to them, like mama did. They are going to put them in their place and not in a nice way. Parents that just talk to their children are making a huge mistake that their children will later pay for. Children must be delt with with a loving but serious rebuking just like the Lord our God does with us when we disobey him.
Just to add to "Guest's" post.....I tell our kids that obedience to parents is the first step in God's design to teach them to obey Him. And when you are a grown up, discipline hurts just as much as spankings did as a child....if not more.
