Thanks ladies for the birthday wishes!! How sweet!! We are underway with meetings and such for our hearing on July 27th. I have to admit it is very scary. My dh is like a rock and is treating it as something that has to be done. I wish I was stronger with this. Maybe its being pregnant that has me a wreck and my hormones. I am also not thrilled to find out it will be an all day hearing. All day?!?! :shock: I will need extra prayers to get threw this day. It will be looong day. Ug! Also, we will not have an answer or decision from the judge that day. He could take months our lawyer said and have us come back for his decision. Can you believe that? Well right now I just want to focus on getting July 27th over, done, and behind us. Your prayers for us are so greatly appreciated! Please pray that my nerves dont fail me, I have been very emotional.
I just got off the phone with a therapist that we were court ordered to see. We have to have something done called a bonding session. This will aid the judge in making his decision and from what I understand will greatly help our case since Jessie IS bonded with us and considers us (dh and I) to be her parents. She does not even know her bio father. So we see this bonding session as a good thing to help our case. However, the therapist told me this morning on the phone that she will have to meet with just dh and I and then just Jessie and then just Jessie and us to see how we all interact. Then she will have to have Jessie meet with her bio father to see how they react to each other. This is all part of the bonding assesment. The bad part is the therapist said if we dont tell Jessie my dh is not her real dad by the apt date then she will. She said she cant have Jessie in a room with a man she thinks to be a stranger. My argument that he is a stranger didnt stand. We never told Jessie that my dh is her dad, she just always assumed and we felt she was too young to tell her otherwise. This will be very difficult so your prayers are appreciated. The apt that Jessie will be told is in a couple weeks, so we have some time. We want her to hear it from us instead of the therapist.
Crystal, I have a good friend who also has an adopted daughter - the daughter does know that she is adopted - let me ask her how they told her and see if we can help you come up with an easy way of explaining this to Jessie. Another way of thiinking about it, was that she is your chosen daughter... Praying, Brenda
Is she able to understand salvation yet? That is how our former pastor told his kids. They always knew that just like we are not automatically born into God's family, we must be adopted in, and that is how they came to be the children of the pastor and his wife. There is scripture about that, but I can't think of the reference. I can look it up, though. You mentioned before that she knows her bio mom pretty well, right? It might be simpler than you think to let her know that she has a bio dad, too. My prayers are with you!
I would hesitate using the phrase "real" dad, and use "birth" dad instead. In my mind, Rod IS her REAL dad...he's the one who's been there for her for the past five years, the one who's been giving her both hugs and discipline, the one she calls Daddy, the one who has been her provider and protector. And I would let the counselor know that you will tell her that this other person is her BIRTH dad.
Thank you all for your advice. We are planning on telling Jessie she is adopted some day, just wanted to wait. I dont really know what for. Being forced to tell her isnt a great feeling. As far as the bio dad and real dad issue - that is exactly how we will word it. My dh is her daddy and real dad. The other man is the bio father. I will use the word father not daddy. Daddy is too personal to me. Adoption is nothing new to our family. My brother is adopted, my couisin is adopted and my brother and SIL are in the process of adopting from China. Both my brother and cousin were told about being adopted in early childhood. They both said they liked being told at an early age and that if it were later in life it would have been too much of a shock. I honestly didnt think it would be hard to tell Jessie since she knows I am not her bio mom and we do have an open relationship with her bio mom. What makes it hard is when we started our conversation with Jessie about being adopted she tells us no. She doesnt want to hear it. We wont push the issue just yet and pray. Thanks again for all your words and prayers.
One last thing, my dh (Rod) doesnt ever get on this site but I wanted him to read the support I get from you ladies and he wanted me to express his thanks also.
Crystal, Somehow I missed this post until now. I just wanted to let you know that you have friends in Washington that are praying for you! I'm with ya, Brooke: Let's take up our swords and pray, pray, pray! God hears those who humble themselves and pray, and answers them! Especially as the time of the court date draws closer, we should keep up the "battle"! We will continue to pray for the right outcome!!!
Very different situations but Christian's dad and my husband are not the same people - I had planned on telling Christian when I felt that he was old enough to understand, but my neice (6 months older than he is) burst that bubble a couple years ago. He had questions beyond my wildest dreams (and some really hard ones - why doesn't Mark come to see me, where does he live, etc - questions I couldn't answer and to this day still can't). We have been open about it since then - when he asks questions, I answer them truthfully based on what I know. Now that he's a little older I can say to him (and I have) - any man can father a child but it takes a special person to be a Dad. And I stand by that. I still haven't been able to get a hold of my friend but as soon as I do, I'll let you know what she suggests. I do like Brooke's suggestion about Salvation - I was thinking of it earlier as I was posting, but was going to wait until I heard what the other family said and at the tid bit to it. We're all adopted into God's family once we ask for Him to come into our lives - that's so awesome - you share something more in common with her. Hard as it may be, it would be better for Jessie to hear from you guys about the adoption than to hear it from a court appointed counsellor - they may not be as gentle about it as you guys can. I would think it would be far easier for her if she were told at a younger age than in her pre-teen or teen years (just speaking from experience). Those are trying years as it is and add in that information, with a surge of hormones - Ouch! There is a book called "Adopted and Loved Forever" (I found it on the Christian Book Distributor webpage) - while I haven't read it myself - it looks to be child ioriented and might be worth looking into - or there may be other such books at your local library. Brenda
My hubbie is adopted and doesn't remember ever not knowing he was. He highly recommends it just being part of how life is. Not telling a story about adoption, or pushing info on that she doesn't want to know, but just like you say to a child "when you were in mommy's tummy", you'd tell stories "when you came to live here..." or before we chose to be your mommy and daddy.." Just make it part of your familys story, without sitting down to tell her anything or choosing a specific time to tell her, itms. Glenda
Crystal, You and your family are in our prayers! "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You." Psalm 9:9-10
Again, thank you ladies! I am so thankful for your prayers and friendship. Tomorrow Rod and I have our first bonding session. This one is just for the two of us and will last approx two hours. God has really granted me a sense of peace about these sessions and I am actually looking forward to them. The therapist asked me to bring in anything that could help her in her assesment - here is God's hand - out of my seven children I have one scrapbook completed, guess whos? Yes, Jessie's scrapbook is completely up to date. The therapist said to bring it. It shows her entire life with us which will aid in the bonding assesment. I was a photographer for over 9 yrs so there is never a shortage of pictures in my house. Just one more prayer request, we have to pay for these bonding sessoins which are very, very costly. My dh is not working right now due to a back injury. God has taken care of all our needs over the past three weeks and I praise Him for that. I just ask for continued financial means to be able to pay for these sessions and provide for our other needs. The bonding sessions are court ordered so it is something that we have to do. Not that I am complaining for I feel that it will greatly help our case. Thank you!
Can't the bio father be made to help with this expense?? If not for him it wouldn't be an issue. Where is he through all this?
The bio father also has to have bonding sessions done, which is why I said earlier that these will help our case because Jessie does not know him. There is no bond there. He also has to pay for half of all the sessions.
Oh Crystal - I am so praying for you and for your family - for finances, peace and for healing. Brenda
praying also You and your family are in our prayers. I can hear God's stregnth in your post may He continue to direct you and stregnthen you each and everyday. God Bless, Melanee
Update - The bonding session went really well. It lasted almost three hours. We were to have another one done next week but the therapist cancelled it due to the bio father still not returning her phone calls to set up his sessions. We are praying that this is all becoming too much for the bio father and maybe he will just crawl back into the woodwork. Thanks all for continued prayers!!!!
He's not bothering to return his calls? Hmmmmm........ Great way to get on the good side of someone who has to make the recomendations, huh? Let's hope he's got plenty of rope to hang himself!!!
Crystal, Yep, if the father keeps doing stuff like that, then he's not putting himself in a very good light, that's for sure! We'll keep praying for this to all work out. I know God's on your side!!!
His not showing up is certainly not doing him any good, and not doing you any harm. Continuing to pray that this works out smoothly for your family!!! Glenda
